iwillsurvive2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Just found this forum. I need a place to see how others cope and move on. I know I will but this was a big shock to me. After getting divorced after 20 years and having my time of "crazy", I found the nicest, sweetest man. We met and fell in love very quickly. He is 6 years younger. Divorced for 3 years. The first 6 months was almost perfect...He has some unresolved issues of never receiving love from family and guilt over his own divorce. Our main issue was time together - my primary need and his needs of needing alone time...which the last two months became greater. As I tried to hold on, he was moving away. Admittedly I wanted us to move in together sooner than he did. I kept settling for less and less time to make him happy...stupid I kNow. We had the same conversation many times about our commitment and he said he was on the same page long term...altho we continued to have the same issue arise...never did I think he was going to break up with me. It came as a complete shock last week. What was supposed to be a date nite was a break-up. He was cold and detached bc he had 3 days away from me so had time to prepare. I was literally having an out of body experience while he was telling me long term it wont work bc we are too far apart on the issue. He is at a different life stage...two young children 5 and 7; while I have a high school senior and sophomore in college. I'm not saying I don't disagree that with a clear head he is probably right...and why do I want to be strapped down with two small step-kids when next year I can come and go as I please...but it was the way he did it. His issue of time will never go away with young kids and I clearly was not going to be an effort to prioritize. And knowing now from him speaking to a friend; his pulling away was his way of breaking it off...so while I thought we were working through things, he was trying to break up for two months. So that makes me angry. I love big and hard. There is no in between for me. I'm angry he let me continue for as long as he did. I think I'm just also aggravated that at almost 50, when I thought I found my love of life after a very loveless marriage; I will need to start over, take time to not date, regroup and then begin again. Ugh!!!! I'm in a better place than a week ago but have to do some self-discovery. I just know God doesn't want me to be alone bc my heart is too big not to share it with someone...At least I hope that is His plan. And if it's not, I'm going to have to learn to love myself enough to be happy with just me. Ugh!
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Yeah that sounds a bit familiar. You know my ex was constantly trying to push me to live together but I wasn't ready yet like you I never wanted to leave but was the dumped one. That scares me a bit now because I didn't know I would bump in you. When you said after 50 years you didn't find a happy way of sharing your life with someone that depressed me. Like you I have a big heart and can't "love a little" I am always full in. Don't get angry at him in fact don't get angry at all. Just continue moving forward and search for someone that loves like you do. Not that I know if in the world we live in there is actually someone like that but if I live my life without that hope it's like living in a nightmare. Just don't fixate your mind on this. Don't be obssessed with the idea that he left you. Forget about it and move on. I am new here as well and still learning how to cope but you won't realize how soothing is to write about your fears and get different opinions how to handle it better. Once I read that it matters that you learn how to be happy with you and you alone 100% and not be dependant on somebody else. It's strange because even my family confirms this while it was hard for me to believe. Maybe that's why I am always the one who gets dumped - I'm too dependant on my SO to make me happy just by being there for me and loving me for who I am. They probably sense that and alienates them. Just find your happy place with your kids in your life. Eventually the magic will happen!
Tribe Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Your stories are like mine. At 46, I am very selective but I had fallen for a great guy. Everything went along really well for about 10 months. He gave up his apartment and moved in and then in 3 1/2 weeks he started pulling away. Now, its 2 months later, I don't know where he is, he never 'broke up' and I have asked many times to move out his things. But he makes arrangements and then no shows. Its everything he owns. I know he is probably with another woman, but its just so weird.....
Recommended Posts