Why am I such a wuss

[akf]

*this post might sound a little cocky but im just trying to be as honest as possible

 

I'm a 17 year old in high school, im pretty good looking, tall, i'm funny, and I have a good personality. I do have some acne which causes me insecurity. I'm slightly awkward but I can talk to girls alright just not as confidently as I wish. I've been with 1 "girlfriend" for 2 weeks in 8th grade and hooked up (makeouts) with about 5 girls.

 

I'm great at texting and wooing the girl there but then it doesnt turn out to be much in real life.

 

I'm wondering why im such a pussy. I never really show interest in girls because im afraid I guess. I either think she's too good for me or not good enough for me. Even when I like a girl and they like me I get awkward around them and I just am too much of a pussy to ask them out. I've only been rejected once, I dont have problems getting girls to like me but why am I such a pussy? Why can't I ever ask a girl out? Why do I always convince myself its a bad idea?

 

Little extra about myself: I was super bad at talking to girls in freshman year, I could barely say hi, (meanwhile im pretty good looking and have a good personality) sophmore year it got a little better, and this past year now I can make okay conversations with girls but I cant take conversations beyond conversations and im not even very funny with girls I like because im nervous.

 

Sorry for the long post it'd be great if I could get some advice. So far I've been solving my problem badly with alcohol it's the only thing that really brings out my personality and makes me able to be smooth with girls. I watch lots of advice videos and read a lot but it always comes down to confidence I guess and not fearing rejection. What can I do?

Edited July 10, 2016 by akf

[basil67]

Do some reading on building resilience. It's the ability to be confident that you'll survive adversity. In your case, it's about knowing that rejection will happen (it happens to all of us) but also knowing that you'll pick yourself up and keep going.

[Gloria25]

My recommendation?

 

Just allow yourself to grow. Stop putting all this pressure on yourself.

 

I was listening to a radio show months ago, and the guys were talking about how guys like in their teens/early 20's keep on calling in about lack of security about this/that and how it's gonna scar them for life...

 

Well, the guys were like "duh", your teens/20's you have NOTHING to be confident about and that's ok. You barely are coming out of school, barely have a steady job/career, car, stuff, etc. So of course you're gonna be nervous around women cuz you're still in development and probably won't be comfortable in your skin until your 30's.

 

So, for now, relax. Just grow. Keep up with your studies. Do things to gain confidence (i.e. working out, hobbies, volunteering). Be social, make friends. So what if not every girl wants to date you. The more you chat them up, the more comfortable you'll get. And with age and you accomplishing stuff, you'll have even more confidence as a person to approach women and people.

 

So, work on the acne. See if you can get some medication (like Proactiv I guess) and/or change your diet. Work out, continue to grow and it will come.

 

Wishing you well!!!

[smudge21]

I reckon you have to face some rejection and start to understand that it's really not all that bad. Right now, you fear rejection (we all do), but by jumping in there and having it happen a few times, you'll start to see it really doesn't matter. Also, there's no rules on dating - you may get rejected tons of times or never at all. Even if you are rejected it doesn't make you a loser or anything. Wasn't it Eddison who failed a 1000 times to make a light bulb, but said he didn't fail, he just learned 1000 ways to not make a light bulb. In the same sense, for every rejection, you're not failing, you're just learning how not to ask girls out. I know it's tough - I still get those same nerves now and I'm much older. It seems to kick in the moment I feel an attraction to them - like they suddenly become super women to me and are all important. It's annoying but sometimes you just have to fight through it. Now with all that said, you may hardly get rejected and all this will be worthless, but you won't know unless you try. Oh and finally remember that they are likely to be just as nervous as you, maybe even wanting to ask you out too.