unbeknown Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Hey all Just looking for a bit of advice really. Normally with flakes I don't reply and that's the last they'll hear from me but I've been dating this girl for a few months now. We see each other 1-2 times a week and have had sex and I've stayed over. There's some investment here. Now we were supposed to meet up yesterday (Friday) and she cancelled a day before stating she had no money and wanted to save so wouldn't be able to see me. At the time I was like yeah cool. Now I don't know if she's just stupid or has completely forgotten that we follow each other on Twitter but she's tweeting 4/5am about how fun a night out she's had in town drinking. Didn't text me back all night which figures now and then replies this morning with "sorry, I'm so awful at texting back....blah blah blah". We have a hotel booked for a trip away next weekend, is it wrong that I feel to cancel it. (she has flaked once or twice in the past so it's not the first). Can't help but feel like I'm being mugged off but I do really like her. I brought it up earlier and she came up with an excuse that her friend payed for her all night. I acted like I didn't care and played it off. How would you feel about this happening to you? TLDR: Girl cancels on me as she has no money and wants to save. Yet goes on a night out the same night we were supposed to with her friends spending money.
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Are you dating exclusively? If yes I would terminate the relationship. If you don't date exclusively than she just decided going out with her friends was more appealing. She doesn't really owe you anything. 1
Mikau Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Exclusive or not, if you're dating somebody for a few months you owe them something. The truth. Preferring to go out with friends is alright, regardless of relationship status. But don't lie to the person you're with like this. I would end it myself. 1
preraph Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 So you don't pay for her dates, even if she's low on money? I guess she can choose to spend it how she wants, then. Maybe what she knew she'd have to spend with you was more than what she'd spend on a couple of drinks with friends. 3
Mikau Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 So you don't pay for her dates, even if she's low on money? I guess she can choose to spend it how she wants, then. Maybe what she knew she'd have to spend with you was more than what she'd spend on a couple of drinks with friends. Regardless of my thoughts on one party paying for dates 'a few months' in, this still doesn't excuse the dishonesty.
Shining One Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Girl cancels on me as she has no money and wants to save. Yet goes on a night out the same night we were supposed to with her friends spending money.Keep in mind that women can go out for nights of drinking and not spend any money. I have married coworkers that do this almost every Friday night. 2
joseb Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Hey all Just looking for a bit of advice really. Normally with flakes I don't reply and that's the last they'll hear from me but I've been dating this girl for a few months now. We see each other 1-2 times a week and have had sex and I've stayed over. There's some investment here. Now we were supposed to meet up yesterday (Friday) and she cancelled a day before stating she had no money and wanted to save so wouldn't be able to see me. At the time I was like yeah cool. Now I don't know if she's just stupid or has completely forgotten that we follow each other on Twitter but she's tweeting 4/5am about how fun a night out she's had in town drinking. Didn't text me back all night which figures now and then replies this morning with "sorry, I'm so awful at texting back....blah blah blah". We have a hotel booked for a trip away next weekend, is it wrong that I feel to cancel it. (she has flaked once or twice in the past so it's not the first). Can't help but feel like I'm being mugged off but I do really like her. I brought it up earlier and she came up with an excuse that her friend payed for her all night. I acted like I didn't care and played it off. How would you feel about this happening to you? TLDR: Girl cancels on me as she has no money and wants to save. Yet goes on a night out the same night we were supposed to with her friends spending money. How did she cancel? Was it like "Im not sure I can meet up, I don't have much money" or was it a definite no? Just wondering if she was hinting to get you to pay for everything. How come she has no money? I think you are probably pretty low on her priority list, so I'd take a step back if I were you and make sure you are seeing others, or at least doing stuff that's related to her.
JewelD Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I'm wondering why you didn't just offer to pay if you wanted to see her? Or offer to do something that wouldn't require spending money? Or it's possible she didn't plan to go out but her friend insisted and offered to pay for her. If it happened to me, I might be a little ticked off about it if I thought she was lying, but at the same time, you've had dates and you have a date planned. I can't imagine a woman not interested in you would want to have a weekend getaway. You should just talk to her about her flakiness. If she continues to do it, then end it. 4
preraph Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Again, just because she didn't have enough money to spend on whatever you were wanting to do with her doesn't mean she didn't have enough to get a drink with friends. I can see money is going to be what makes it hard for you to keep a woman.
Larryville Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 This is exactly the reason why you should always have a plan b and don't act like you're exclusive with somebody until you've actually had that talk. She just sounds like someone who's not really all that interested in you and sees you as an option when she doesn't have anything else going on. Terminate the relationship move on and stop wasting your time and money. 1
longjohn Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 If this were me I'd be pissed, actually her number would be blocked right after I remind her she lied. Lies = termination of the relationship. Move along man find another lady that isn't going to string you along like that. This is why I don't date younger women even some my age would rather play the field vs focus on one thing. It's like everybody suddenly has ADHD since smartphones became widespread. 1
kendahke Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 (edited) One of her girls spotted her the money so she could come hang out after she talked to you. Technically, she didn't lie to you--her plans changed after she talked to you. Are you saying that once you were ok with not paying to take her out and instead went along with the date cancelling, that she was supposed to stay at home? I'm not seeing that. And either you care or you don't care---which is it? Edited July 10, 2016 by kendahke 2
bubbaganoosh Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 If it was me, I would have asked how she spent her night and if she said she stayed home and twiddled her thumbs, I would ask her to check her Twitter messages and then ask if she wants to change her story, then tell her to hit the bricks.
Jabron1 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 (edited) She's bullsh*tting you! I had a HB8 pull this crap on me three days ago. She said she "didn't have the change to get into town". In other words, she wasn't interested enough to get into town. Trust me on that. Know what I've done? Put her on the backburner. She's still a plate. I'm just long-gaming her, whilst I spend most of my value on the two girls I'm already seeing and have proved their worth. It's about investment, mate. Invest wisely. Your attention, your money, your time. Edited July 10, 2016 by Jabron1 1
Author unbeknown Posted July 10, 2016 Author Posted July 10, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the replies all I'm wondering why you didn't just offer to pay if you wanted to see her? Or offer to do something that wouldn't require spending money? In my eyes she should want to spend time with me regardless. Chances are whatever we done I would have most certainly paid for. That's not an issue. I don't want to have to plead and beg her to come on the pretence that I'd pay for her though. My point is that if she had money to go out with friends then she had money to meet me if she really wanted to. I live a short train ride away from her which costs about £8 so I'd like to think her night out was more expensive than that. It just feels like her night out with friends was a better offer and makes me feel kind of a backup when she has nothing to do. Edited July 10, 2016 by unbeknown
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 It just feels like her night out with friends was a better offer and makes me feel kind of a backup when she has nothing to do. You have been dating a few months, so you should really want to spend as much time together as possible, and as you only see each other 1-2x a week anyway, blowing you off and hiding the fact that she was going out with her friends, doesn't sound like a girl that is invested in you. Sorry! 2
smudge21 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I think I know her... I think we all know people like this, especially that "says one thing, then stupidly posts another on social media" fail. I had someone who would use money as an excuse, and then turn up in a foreign country a day later. Basically it comes down to you know how you feel about her, how you react when she's around, how you miss her, how you want to be with her and how you are willing to make that extra effort. If you're being honest, is she returning any of that or treating you in the same way. Sadly often we prioritise people who only see us as an option. Start to back off a bit and see if she comes to you, but in all seriousness, these are the early days in a relationship; the time to figure someone out whilst still having that innocent fun. If it feels wrong now and you have doubts this early on, then chances are it won't get any better if you hang around.
Author unbeknown Posted July 10, 2016 Author Posted July 10, 2016 Thanks all. It's definitely given me some food for thought. Just need to have a think about next weekend away now.
kendahke Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Thanks all. It's definitely given me some food for thought. Just need to have a think about next weekend away now. What is there to think about? Cancel the plans if you're that put off by how she acted. And dump her. Just be done with it already--quit drawing it out for dramatic purposes. 1
basil67 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 What is there to think about? Cancel the plans if you're that put off by how she acted. And dump her. Just be done with it already--quit drawing it out for dramatic purposes. This ^ Go on the weekend away and have a positive attitude or dump her. But cancelling it in a mood is just game playing. Be decisive. 1
MissBee Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) I'm wondering why you didn't just offer to pay if you wanted to see her? Or offer to do something that wouldn't require spending money? Or it's possible she didn't plan to go out but her friend insisted and offered to pay for her. If it happened to me, I might be a little ticked off about it if I thought she was lying, but at the same time, you've had dates and you have a date planned. I can't imagine a woman not interested in you would want to have a weekend getaway. You should just talk to her about her flakiness. If she continues to do it, then end it. This is a little strange to me too. I don't feel entitled to be paid for by a guy I'm dating, but if I couldn't go out because of money, and he has enough for two, I don't see why he wouldn't offer. If the shoe were on the other foot I would. I have been in relationships where my bf at the time was saving for a house or something came up like having to buy a new car or something, so disposable income was tighter, and I offered to pay for us to go out instead. I have also done that with friends, my sister...anyone I care about...if I wanna hang out and they are low on cash, it's not a big deal to pay for another meal or movie ticket or whatnot. So why wasn't that an option? With that in mind, perhaps one of her friends did just that. Invited her out and paid. I wouldn't assume she was lying. All she said was she had no money and Twitter doesn't detail that she paid for this, so you don't know for certain how that went down. You could try asking her what she ended up doing that night, if she lies about it, then I would take it that maybe she's not interested or is a liar or something else is off. If she admits it, then it may not be that big of a deal and maybe it really was about money and since her friends paid and you didn't offer she went with them. Are you guys a couple? If not, it's a little weird also to be going on weekend trips before being an exclusive couple. By the time I'm ready to go on weekends away with a guy, we're pretty established and are seeing each other and sleeping over more than once or twice a week and by that time too, it's no big deal for him to pay for me if we're going out and vice-versa. Edited July 11, 2016 by MissBee 1
MzLady Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 You didn't say what kind of relationship you have in your post.. but if she's your girlfriend, being flaky isn't cool at all. You're still pretty new to each other, so you're still in the "getting to know each other" phase.. and you're seeing how she is. But on the filp side.. if you're just dating, and not exclusive, these are red flags.. you should start taking note before you get too invested. I'm not going to tell you to break up with her or stop seeing her.. I don't think she's done anything horrendous, but definitely keep your eyes open.. either way - exclusive or not. As far as the weekend trip.. I wouldn't cancel. She said she was trying to save and that her friend paid for their night out... friends do that.. that's why they're friends. Best of luck to you! 1
ChatroomHero Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Trust your gut. If she wanted to be with you, she would have been with you. Money was not really the issue. I definitely would not spend time and money on a weekend away with her, just cancel and make other plans. No need to be petty and make a point you canceled because she is a flake, just tell her you are too busy and sorry to cancel. My guess is she really won't mind all that much. You can keep seeing her, nothing wrong with that, but it will probably always be on her terms and she will continue to flake and put you on the back burner. Whenever I have dated someone like that I tend to lose interest pretty quickly because in my mind I see things like planning a fun time with her in the future but being stressed by whether she flakes or not, which is not a lot of fun. I see turning down other offers from other friends and coordinating schedules and shifting work and personal errands only to find myself very possibly sitting around with nothing to do at the last minute. I might go along for a while to see what happens but after a while I just imagine if she went out with friends after passing on going out with me, her friends probably asked, "How's that guy you are seeing?" and she probably answered, "I was supposed to meet up with him tonight but, eh". To me someone like that ends up being 98% a drag and 2% somewhat fun which gets old fast. 1
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