girlygo Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 A guy who I've worked with for about 3 months has just left the company after finishing his contract. I grew to like him as a friend at work and we often had a laugh. In the last week before he left he strated texting me just about work stuff but sometimes late in the evening and once during the weekend when I was away with a friend. I have a long term boyfriend but I don't talk about him much to people at work because the truth is the relationship is not great and is trundling along. I realised now that my colleague is going that I really like him and don't want to never see him again, but don't want to cheat on my boyfriend or be dishonorable. The texting is happening nearly everyday except this weekend as he is away with friends for a sporting game but I'm not sure what this means? There's nothing sexual or inappropriate about his messages and he hasn't asked me out but my friend at work can see there's a spark and has suggested I just mention catching up for a drink as friends and stay friendly then deal with making a decision about ending my relationship. I'm scared that I'm making a mistake in thinking he likes me. Would you guys still text a girl knowing she had a boyfriend and if you did does that mean you either just want to use her for sex or just flirting because you know she's taken or would you do it in the vote that she really wants to pursue a relationship with you?
JewelD Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 There's not enough information to determine any of that. Why does he have your number? How do you respond to his messages? But your friend's advice seems crappy. Basically, go out on a date with this guy, see if you like him more than your bf and then determine if you should end your relationship or not? The fact that you're this concerned about whether another man likes you or not says you should probably just end your relationship. 4
Zahara Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Seems like you don't want to let go of the branch until you've securely grabbed hold of another. You said you don't want to be dishonorable -- what would securing your position with another man before you end your relationship mean? Your friend gives poor advice. If your relationship is not working -- talk to your boyfriend about the issues and try to fix it if you both choose to or end the relationship and move on. You can then explore with the new man. 7
preraph Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Sounds to me like he could already be seeing someone or even married if he only texts certain times when he's out with guys or whatever. It's entirely possible he's only looking for sex. I advise this: Don't let him figure in to what decision you make about staying or leaving your current bf because this guy is an unknown entity and probably hiding something, and that is probably another woman. Him cheating on her and you cheating on yours isn't a good foundation for a new relationship, so don't do it that way. If you're sick of your situation, break it off, move out, and block him. Then give yourself some time to get used to your own company again before plunging into something else that probably isn't good either. 2
joseb Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 You are worried about the wrong things totally. The issue is you are in a relationship you don't want to be in. Fix that. Break up. This guy is only a bit part. Once you finish with your boyfriend, I suggest spending time alone, as it sounds like you might be a classic branch swinger, always needing something to hold onto. If you keep doing that, you will just grasp on whatever is close, regardless if it's suitable or not. 6
ChickiePops Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 This is called monkey branching. It's when someone refuses to leave a bad relationship until they have secured their next relationship. If your current relationship is bad, end it. It shouldn't have anything to do with the new guy. 2
TheBathWater Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 A guy who I've worked with for about 3 months has just left the company after finishing his contract. I grew to like him as a friend at work and we often had a laugh. In the last week before he left he strated texting me just about work stuff but sometimes late in the evening and once during the weekend when I was away with a friend. I have a long term boyfriend but I don't talk about him much to people at work because the truth is the relationship is not great and is trundling along. I realised now that my colleague is going that I really like him and don't want to never see him again, but don't want to cheat on my boyfriend or be dishonorable. The texting is happening nearly everyday except this weekend as he is away with friends for a sporting game but I'm not sure what this means? There's nothing sexual or inappropriate about his messages and he hasn't asked me out but my friend at work can see there's a spark and has suggested I just mention catching up for a drink as friends and stay friendly then deal with making a decision about ending my relationship. I'm scared that I'm making a mistake in thinking he likes me. Would you guys still text a girl knowing she had a boyfriend and if you did does that mean you either just want to use her for sex or just flirting because you know she's taken or would you do it in the vote that she really wants to pursue a relationship with you? This is exactly why I don't date or pursue relationships. There are simply too many opportunities to jump ship once something better comes along. It always starts out innocent, just like the above. People have no boundaries anymore. Commitment is a word tossed around very loosely these days. Anyway, I don't know your situation, OP. So I may be projecting some undeserved bitterness onto your situation here. But this really is a phenomena these days. So, to your questions. (1) I would not maintain a texting relationship (nor any social relationship) with a woman who had a boyfriend unless I was coveting her. I am convinced that the overwhelming majority of men would have no problem if a woman they desired suddenly said, "okay, I'll f*ck you behind my boyfriend's back and/or leave him for you." 99.5% of the time, he's never "just a friend". So yes, he is interested in you. (2) I can't say whether or not he just wants to have sex with you or wants a relationship. He at least wants the first. Good luck, and let us know when you decide things are not going so well with him and you're in your next male friendship texting dilemma.
preraph Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Or in this case, once anything on two legs comes along.
VeveCakes Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 You have a bf. Dump your bf then worry about this other guy.
Author girlygo Posted July 10, 2016 Author Posted July 10, 2016 There's not enough information to determine any of that. Why does he have your number? How do you respond to his messages? He has my work mobile number because I texted him at work about something specifically work related which he responded to. Then later in the evening after work he texted me about something that wasn't specifically work related. That's when I replied with my personal number because of the fact that I had not seen his text for a few hours (I don't check my work mobile after working hours! ). That's how it app started. He has not texted me all weekend now, 2 days after leaving the company so maybe he has lost interest and was really just passing the time after all?
TheBathWater Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 He has my work mobile number because I texted him at work about something specifically work related which he responded to. Then later in the evening after work he texted me about something that wasn't specifically work related. That's when I replied with my personal number because of the fact that I had not seen his text for a few hours (I don't check my work mobile after working hours! ). That's how it app started. He has not texted me all weekend now, 2 days after leaving the company so maybe he has lost interest and was really just passing the time after all? You're clearly concerned about the main issue here.
Author girlygo Posted July 10, 2016 Author Posted July 10, 2016 You're clearly concerned about the main issue here. Sorry, can you elaborate?
smudge21 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 You're already mentally cheating on your boyfriend by thinking about leaving him for this other guy, so instead of just thinking about yourself, how about you have empathy for the guy who is in your life and has done no wrong (apart from maybe fall for the wrong girl). If you don't love him or want to be with him anymore, then end it. Do not treat him like an option, a toy, a comfort blanket, that you can just take or leave as you feel fit. Try to understand how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Once you're single, then start shopping around, but don't play with people. What goes around, comes around. You came to this place asking whether you should cheat on your boyfriend with another guy - sorry, but wrong place for that, although you may want to direct your boyfriend here and we'll help him instead. 3
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 So why don't you let us address the issues with your BF? Maybe we can help you with that. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Sorry, can you elaborate? You're worried about whether some random guy has lost interest in you, when the real problem here is that you've lost interest in your boyfriend. Break up with him. Do not go on a date with this other guy to see if he likes you, and then break up. That should be done in exactly the opposite order. 1
Recommended Posts