klanias Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Hi all, I was wondering what your opinions are on this since it has been quite puzzling for me. A couple of months ago I hooked up with this girl from work. We hadn’t really spoken before just exchanged some emails and bumped into each other once or twice. One night she invited me out where she was with friends and rather drunk. I went to meet her and things quickly escalated ending up in sex the same night. I thought it was a one-night stand but the next morning she stayed over, and then came by again the next night, also spending the morning after. From there on we started texting which became a lot more frequent. She would send messages first thing in the morning, saying how she missed me and expressing how much she liked me, asking me what I was doing and with who, and even goodnight ones. She would even ask if she could come over during work as see me briefly. Initially I was quite cool about it but got drawn into it since I found that she was smart, sexy, and had a good sense of humor. She also seemed to be very into me, trying to find any time-slots I were available so she could see me, and always commenting on how hot, smart, and cool I was. There also was a point where she said she was falling for me and it was scary. There were some things however that were causing me to be a bit unsure about her. The first was that she was asking some questions that seemed to be a bit too soon. We are not from the same country since I am working abroad, and she would ask what I planned to do after my contract ended. She also mentioned kids quite early but not through direct questions. The second was her kind of wild nature, she loved to go out with friends, binge drinking, travel very frequently, and her openness in sex. But I didn’t give much notice to that since I didn’t feel threatened by her lifestyle. The third which caused me to think about the whole thing a lot was her reference to her ex. She told me that she recently broke up with her controlling ex, and asked me if I ever contacted my ex girlfriends. This was a bit strange since I never mentioned previous relationships. In addition, we never really had any proper dates outside our homes, but I didn’t really give it much importance since I thought that this would most likely be due to her recent break-up and her ex being in the same city. I don’t know how long ago the break-up happened but I assume it is between a few weeks and 2-3 months max. Things were seemingly going quite well, we would meet frequently, text a lot cracking jokes etc. At some point after sex, I accidentally told her that I loved her, wanting to say something sexual but it slipped my tongue. I know that it was too soon but it was something that came out by accident and couldn’t really take it back once I said it. She immediately responded that she loved me too, and that it feels so great to hear that. A couple of days later she was leaving for a work/fun trip abroad with some of her friends. Up to the moment she left from work she would send messages of how much she missed me and (in a cute manner) asking me to go with her. Out of interest I sent her a message to see if she is ok and had arrived which she saw, and only responded to some hours later even though she had internet and was with friends. I thought that it is ok since she was with her friends so didn’t give much notice or want to bother her. The next morning she asked how I was and if I missed her, we exchanged some texts, and from then on she stopped responding. It seemed strange but I didn’t want to put any pressure so I only sent one message two days later (no response), and then another two days after that. She responded a few hours later saying that she was having an amazing time and then told me that she needed to talk to me about slowing down, since she recently came out of a bad relationship, and that the fact that we work together freaks her out. I said ok, and asked when would be good to talk in which she seemed very uninterested to meet up soon. I also told her that I wanted to talk to her about some things and she seemed very curious to find out what. I told her that it would be better to talk about it in person once she got back. We didn’t have any communication since then, and when she returned to work (3-4 days later) she seemed to be avoiding me (passing outside my office and not saying hi). I noticed her going by so I texted her to come over, we talked in a friendly manner, and asked her if she wanted to meet up the following day, she said yes and then left. The next morning she sent me a message saying that someone near her office is wearing my cologne and that it is distracting her. I told her that she could get a good smell of it the same night, and then after a couple of hours she cancelled on me and asked if we could meet tomorrow night. I said ok. The next day she asked me if I could come by her place earlier after work, I said ok, and then again canceled saying that last moment she got caught up in work. The same night she told me she had a dinner, and that if she got time she would drop by my place (she didn’t, and did not even text). By then I had had enough, and when she asked me if I had plans for the day (the following one) I said I did. She then started asking if I was angry, and that I seem really cool with her. I told her that we could talk about it when she got back (since she was leaving for another short trip to see a friend of hers), and told me that she didn’t like things being complicated and ****ty. We again didn’t message while she was away, and on the next week when she was at work said that she saw me and that I looked angry. We arranged to meet at her place, and she was asking questions about if I wanted to kiss her. When I got there I tried to question her about the whole slowing down thing, but seemed that she didn’t really want to talk about it, giving crappy excuses that she did not enjoy texting. She also mentioned that she felt overwhelmed and didn’t want to get attached. She also said that she had seen her ex around, and when I asked her if she wanted to get back with him she replied NO sharply, saying that she dumped him. From there on there was some texting, but she seemed a bit distant at times, and at other times showing interest. Whenever I seemed busy or uninterested she would get closer, asking when she could see me. We arranged to meet on a Friday, only for her to cancel a day before when I mentioned it, saying that she had to go somewhere but not proposing some other time or day. This got me really angry since I felt that I was strung along. I tried to be patient with it all since I was not sure about what was on her mind. I got the impression that she may only be interested in sex, so I send her a provocative message late at night just to test the waters. She told me to meet her at her place, and when she arrived she went passed me and tried to slam the door on me. I put my foot to stop her slamming it on my face, since I was really shocked by her reaction and wanted to get some answers. After a few minutes she let me in, I tried to ask her what was going on, but she didn’t seem to give a straight answer. We ended up having sex, only for her to abruptly wake me up the following morning (very early) asking me to leave because she had to get ready. Since then we haven’t spoken, apart from a text she sent me when I was abroad asking me how it is, in which after I replied she didn’t give a response. I also had sent her a professional email asking her for some information, in which she partly replied two weeks later. When I asked to have a talk about the whole thing since we work at the same place she said it was not necessary since she could be professional. I was a bit curious about what had happened and she suddenly changed but the only response I got was that when she was abroad she liked the sense of being free and single after a bad relationship, and that is why she lost a bit of interest. This whole thing has puzzled me a lot, making me question if I did something wrong that turned her off, or if it was just a rebound thing. I find it really hard to believe that a person’s feelings can shift so suddenly, making me question if anything she said was true. She obviously is not a direct person, but I am curious if this is due to it being a rebou nd fling, traits of a narcissist, someone that is really immature emotionally, afraid of attaching, realized that we are not compatible, or all of the above. Sorry for the long post
bubbaganoosh Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Here's what you do. MOVE ON!!! Why should you have to be invited over then have the door slammed in your face. Having her running hot and cold all the time. Never being able to get a straight answer from her? That isn't the type of person you want in your life. Let her know that her manners and lack of civility needs cleaned up and say your good bye's.
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