drhudson Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I am new on here and just could with sharing what has been going on, my boyfriend of 13 months broke it off on Tuesday over the phone - I am 31 and he is 28, we both have anxiety issues in different forms and other mental health problems but we both take medication and seek help when needed. Well it started out really well- by last October I had left my job of 7 years to start a new very busy retail role- sadly I couldn't cope with it due to anxiety etc and had to leave, we did not tell his family and acted like I was still there - we both agreed on this but it was a big error I know. Just before Christmas he got very drunk at a faculty party (doing a PHD) and came home - he had a massive go at me and called me scum , he said my problems were nothing compared to his and I was pathetic for being a recovering alcoholic. I left that night but we got back together the next day, we had a few more rows but kept going, I took my old job back and moved back with my parents some of the time and commuted. We had a good few months but he would keep saying he deserved better when drunk - he often has 3 bottles of wine twice or thrice a week, then I was excited about the college ball in May which he had wanted me at - he said it was sold out- then a week or so later he said that he was not able to go with me as he couldn't say he was proud of me. I got over this and we continued along - he was getting into the last stages of a PHD and very busy- we had nice days out and time together , then 3 weekends ago we had a row and I foolishly had a tiny sip from one of his empty wine bottles , I told him and he was very upset- I know I did wrong , I said I would not see him for 3 weeks so he could finish his PHD, we talked daily on the phone and it seemed good- then this Tuesday he broke it off and said he could not forget the drink sip I had etc. I asked by text to get back together and he said no twice, I then wrote a long e mail acknowledging that I have drained him at times with my anxiety etc and want him to confide more in me -he would not do this in the last year even though I asked many times. He also says his feelings have diminished for me and he needs more stability and I should think of an ex I knew it wasn't right with. I have not contacted since Friday morning - I ignored the impulse to send him a message on facebook chat last night when he was on. Sorry at rambling
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 OP, you need to stop assuming this was all your fault. It wasn't that one tiny sip of wine that led to this. It was months of toxicity and being beaten down by a guy who sounds like a real jerk. It doesn't matter if you had some nice days - the general tone of the relationship sounds very negative and unhealthy. Please stay away from him. He isn't good for you and you need to get yourself into a healthy emotional place so that you learn to demand more respect from your future partners. This person doesn't value you. That is not someone who should remain in your life. 2
Author drhudson Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 Thanks for the kind reply , I one of my issues at the moment is that I keep thinking I should have done more - I didn't find out much about his issues, although I did try to but he would shut it down. I keep thinking about our days out and when we used to watch movies or random things on youtube - I also feel awful about lying to his family about the job and also am struggling with up and down emotions.
Author drhudson Posted July 13, 2016 Author Posted July 13, 2016 So I hope i'm not rambling on here but I just wanted to say the forums on here are a big help. I have not contacted him for almost 6 days but need to soon as he said last week he wants to drop my stuff off this coming weekend, I am embarrassed to say I deleted his number and can now only contact him via facebook. I am sleeping well and work is a very good distraction , I am also reading and eating well , I feel a bit stressed as I know I still love him but am getting there. 2
stillafool Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Is there any way he can drop your things off without you having to see him? You are right to go NC since he was adamant about not wanting to get back together. It seemed like a really toxic relationship and in time you will realize the break up was for the best. 1
spiderowl Posted July 13, 2016 Posted July 13, 2016 Sorry to hear what has happened but you are better off without this guy. He is abusive. I know you know that sipping wine was a bad idea in your situation. He is not the right guy for you though because he drinks too much and gets nasty when he does. I don't know why you tolerated him. I think you have put up with a lot from this guy and maybe you should ask yourself why you do not think you deserve better. I'm sure you do.
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