Author luuucca Posted July 22, 2016 Author Posted July 22, 2016 Well i was fast and showed that i don't like this idea with that trip....because i'm pretty straight person and usually say what i think...of course, he was angry and said it is all about kids and etc...and maybe it is not my bussiness or even i can't act like that...but i feel that if i invested my time, my atention..so i can say what i think...even he knows that i am not a friend to him...that was the last not nice conversation and this night i don't write anything..
Zahara Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Well i was fast and showed that i don't like this idea with that trip....because i'm pretty straight person and usually say what i think...of course, he was angry and said it is all about kids and etc...and maybe it is not my bussiness or even i can't act like that...but i feel that if i invested my time, my atention..so i can say what i think...even he knows that i am not a friend to him...that was the last not nice conversation and this night i don't write anything.. He's telling you he does not want a relationship -- if after that you still choose to invest your time, emotions and attention, that's your problem/fault -- he doesn't have to appease you or take your thoughts/feelings into consideration. It's not your business what he does with his ex/family, etc. because he has no obligation/responsibility to you. 1
Author luuucca Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 Well then he can't ask all the time where i am and what i am doing...i sleep or no..at home or no...what kind of friends i met and etc..it is the same only that i have no kids...
Zahara Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Well then he can't ask all the time where i am and what i am doing...i sleep or no..at home or no...what kind of friends i met and etc..it is the same only that i have no kids... Exactly. But YOU have to enforce that. You have to create that boundary. 1
Author luuucca Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 But it seems that only i need to understand everything...and if he is devorced it is like with a small child or an egg...everytime you need to think what you say or do...in another side he said a lot times that he likes me only he avoids of any love because failed a couple times...but till now the were no lines from me and from him too...so no secrets...but i am not sure if i am so uderstandable..it is just normal woman reaction..
Zahara Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Look, you are responsible for protecting your own emotional and mental health. Not him. If a man isn't giving you what you desire, you cut him out of your life and you move on. If he is hurting you and causing you confusion, and it doesn't seem like he's going to compromise, you move on. When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, listen and listen carefully. He's telling you no relationship. Accept it. If you can't then accept that you'll be on an emotional roller coaster. You can't force someone to want what you want. 1
Author luuucca Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 And now from the last our fight (if i can call that..) it seems like it was my fault that i said (maybe) some not nice things...that i didn't know before that they have holidays together and maybe they will be together again...I think it is normal thoughts of mine when i don't know what kind of realationship they have...But yes i agree maybe we need to start question where is the lines between us? But now we don't write to each other both...
Zahara Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Maybe you need to move on from this. It's clearly not working for both of you. 1
Author luuucca Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 Yes maybe but i usually try not from first problem to move...try to fix for better way..but this time i have first experience with devorced man..so it is new for me...but i can only say that pretty hard with people if they were very hurt...you need to be like psyhologist with them...i just tried to show that all people are different and if you faled couple times it doesn't mean that this time the same...
Zahara Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 Yes maybe but i usually try not from first problem to move...try to fix for better way..but this time i have first experience with devorced man..so it is new for me...but i can only say that pretty hard with people if they were very hurt...you need to be like psyhologist with them...i just tried to show that all people are different and if you faled couple times it doesn't mean that this time the same... No, you don't be psychologist. This will be my last post, OP. You're not a therapist or his mother. You don't fix people. When people show you who they are and tell you what the feel, you take take that and you move along. People that choose to hang onto a situation that isn't healthy for them (you) often do so because they're avoidant of their own issues. The only person that can fix the issues is himself. And you don't even know if he really has the issues he's having because he may just be saying things to keep you from wanting anything more with him. Good luck to you. 3
Survivor12 Posted July 23, 2016 Posted July 23, 2016 You aren't getting it. Think of it this way-- You walk into a Japanese-themed restaurant & are craving tacos. The server hands you a menu. No matter how many times you try to convince the server that you want to order tacos, the menu--what is available to you--is not going to change. You can order food--but not tacos. If you want tacos, you need to leave the Japenese restaurant and find one that has Tacos on the menu. Get it?...He doesn't want a relationship with you. He's only interested in a friendship. No matter how much you want a relationship and no matter how many times you try to convince him to have a relationship with you, you can't change how he feels. If you want a relationship, go find one with someone who is willing to offer one. 1
Author luuucca Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 of course i understand what you all try to say...Well today i did desision to stop online chats...i am that kind of person that to wait until something will happen not for me...so i did the same with him when i felt atention from him just pushed all things more..maybe he is avoids from any serious..life is like a camera...you need just focus on what's important, capture the good times, develope from negatives and if things don't turn out....just to take another shot...It never happened ever ever for me before thats why i decided to join here when i stuck with him, but i just know that we will not be friends because i can't be, i am that kind of person..."all or nothing"...
Author luuucca Posted July 23, 2016 Author Posted July 23, 2016 And another thing...everything was new, like talks about similar things...imagine, like you start first dates:movies together, concerts, holding hands and etc..like love is in the air...but of course then i looked from other side that he have kids and i don't...i started to think about myself too because man with kids pretty big deal too..so i always had a lot questions for me...but i just liked him and don't know why..maybe just spontanic first sight...i can't even say that i love him...just someone who became close in a short time..
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