MEOrtega Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and he was invited to a wedding in September across the country. The wedding was supposed to be in February but was postponed because of a death. He's only going for three days but I just feel really left out and kind of sad... Originally my boyfriend wasn't going to go but decided that he wanted to. It is a family wedding but he's never met the bride or groom he's also going with his parents. It sounds like he's really not going to know anyone there and it's going to be a big wedding apparently. I don't know for some reason it's really getting to me. I guess I feel like he could of asked to bring me? I know it sounds selfish. I just feel really left out and of course I don't want him to leave but it is his family despite that he's never met them. I just kind of need a point of view from someone else and maybe some ways to deal with this?
amaysngrace Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 He's been your BF for a year but their family his whole life. I wouldn't bring you either if I were him so he can fully focus on his relationship with these people. It's only three days then he'll be all yours again. 1
Anderlie Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Asking to bring an extra guest to a wedding just because is the height of rudeness, I'm glad your BF didn't do it. You were barely together when the invitations were initially sent and now I'm assuming the couple were out of pocket a bit extra due to postponing, I can understand why they're not updating the guest list. Let him go and have fun, as it stands you're being very clingy. Part of being in a mature relationship is letting the other person have a life outside of you. 2
preraph Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 If he's never even met them, why on earth does he want to go? I don't get it. I don't see why you should be invited though. Sorry. I don't see why he's invited either though. 1
SoleMate Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Since it's a family wedding, and the connection is already tenuous, it is not reasonable to ask to bring you. It's one thing for the bride and groom to ask blood relatives they have never met - as they are extended family - but quite another to bring the current companion of one of those family members. Look ahead to a day when you might be marrying and ask if you would welcome someone in that position to be a guest. You can stay home and celebrate the wedding and wish the happy couple well from there. (And if that sounds stupid, and you have no interest in such a celebration or well wishes, well then that's even more reason for you not to go.)
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) I have never been invited to a wedding where the invitation did not say "you (and guest) are invited to the wedding of....." Maybe it's an American thing, not sure what country you are in... But here it would be considered quite rude to send an invite *without* including "and guest". Regardless of whether or not the person is in a relationship.... they can bring whomever they want. Or no one if that is what they want too. Apparently he would rather go by himself...... which I think speaks volumes about your relationship.... I would be upset too so I don't blame you one bit. Something isn't jiving. Edited July 9, 2016 by katiegrl 2
Poutrew Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Yeah, what katiegrl said Most wedding invites include the partner. How sure are you that it isn't just the boyfriend and parents saying you are not invited? It sounds to me that the family of your bf have some kind of business to take care of and you, for whatever reason, aren't welcome. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps the parents want to take sonny boy to the jeweler's shop to buy you a wedding / engagement ring set, and bf is going to propose to you when he gets back... or on the negative side... only you can answer this question as only you know the bf and his family... but if I were you I'd be prepared for anything when he gets back...
Jabron1 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) I just kind of need a point of view from someone else and maybe some ways to deal with this? I don't like weddings at all. I would bid her farewell, and look forward to some peace and quiet. Probably go out with my mates, and do stuff I actually wanted to do instead. It's just some random wedding. Don't worry about it. But, if he is being neglectful otherwise/elsewhere too, then maybe it's different. Edited July 9, 2016 by Jabron1
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and he was invited to a wedding in September across the country. The wedding was supposed to be in February but was postponed because of a death. He's only going for three days but I just feel really left out and kind of sad... Originally my boyfriend wasn't going to go but decided that he wanted to. It is a family wedding but he's never met the bride or groom he's also going with his parents. It sounds like he's really not going to know anyone there and it's going to be a big wedding apparently. I don't know for some reason it's really getting to me. I guess I feel like he could of asked to bring me? I know it sounds selfish. I just feel really left out and of course I don't want him to leave but it is his family despite that he's never met them. I just kind of need a point of view from someone else and maybe some ways to deal with this? First of all, if the wedding was going to be in February, 5 months ago, the invitations were sent out roughly 2-3 months before so that would be November. At which time, you would only have been dating about 3 months and at 3 months you might not have been his plus one anyway for a cross-country event. They may not have even known he was dating anyone. If they invited more recently, then he was an afterthought. Forget about it, go an have yourself a great time while he's gone. He'll like that instead of feeling guilty while he's there . . .
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Wedding invites don't usually refer to an invitee's significant other, they simply say "and guest." He may not be dating anyone... but can and should be able to bring a guest, which in this case would be his girlfriend! I have never ever heard of an invite not including "and guest". Quite rude if that is the case... 2
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Wedding invites don't usually refer to an invitee's significant other, they simply say "and guest." He may not be dating anyone... but can and should be able to bring a guest, which in this case would be his girlfriend! I have never ever heard of an invite not including "and guest". Quite rude if that is the case... Even, then, at 3 months I wouldn't bring that plus one to a cross-country event. It's too soon for that kind of thing. And, I've seen it a number of times that there is no plus one lately . . . At any rate, if the hosts didn't include a plus one, it's not appropriate to ask to bring one. And, did she see the invitation -- was there a plus one or is he telling her there wasn't a plus one?
Shining One Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I have never ever heard of an invite not including "and guest". Quite rude if that is the case...It's actually quite common. I haven't kept an accurate count, but I'd say at least a third of the US weddings I've been invited to did not include guests. I know some people do this as a way to cut down on costs. In other cases, they've chosen a specific venue with limited capacity. 2
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) Even, then, at 3 months I wouldn't bring that plus one to a cross-country event. It's too soon for that kind of thing. And, I've seen it a number of times that there is no plus one lately . . . At any rate, if the hosts didn't include a plus one, it's not appropriate to ask to bring one. And, did she see the invitation -- was there a plus one or is he telling her there wasn't a plus one? They have been dating one year, not three months.... Good question re the plus one or guest....however it was worded. No if it didn't say plus one or...and guest, then no he should not bring her. But it would be odd if it didn't account for a plus one imo. Not unheard of, but unusual.... Edited July 9, 2016 by katiegrl
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 They have been dating one year, not three months.... But at the time the invitations were sent, they would have been dating roughly 3 months. Wedding originally scheduled for February, invites go out 2-3 months before usually especially if they have people coming from distances.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 it's actually quite common. I haven't kept an accurate count, but i'd say at least a third of the us weddings i've been invited to did not include guests. I know some people do this as a way to cut down on costs. In other cases, they've chosen a specific venue with limited capacity. k... ....
mikeylo Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I guess he is not taking your relationship serious enough.Its a family wedding , not a proffessional invitation. He has the option to take you along , just doesnt want to and that speaks about his commitment to you. 1
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 But at the time the invitations were sent, they would have been dating roughly 3 months. Wedding originally scheduled for February, invites go out 2-3 months before usually especially if they have people coming from distances. I realize that but if it said "and guest".... then he should be able to bring a guest. Regardless of when the wedding *actually* takes place. He has been dating her for a year, IF the invite said *and guest,* and he doesn't wish to take her, then sorry imo something's up. I guess it all depends on whether or not the invite says *and guest* or *plus one*. Shining said he has received invites that didn't.... so it's possible it didn't!
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I guess he is not taking your relationship serious enough.Its a family wedding , not a proffessional invitation. He has the option to take you along , just doesnt want to and that speaks about his commitment to you. That is a good point!! No way my family would deny me the opportunity to take my bf of one year.... Regardless of whether or not the invite said plus one. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 It used to be a given that the wedding was paid for by the parents of the bride who usually spared no expense, re-mortgaged their house, etc. More and more, it's the couple who is paying for the wedding and both sets of parents contribute in some way, like pay for the band, the flowers, photographer -- the ancillary items, so, the couples are less extravagant or will cut down the guest list to accommodate a more extravagant venue and amenities. And, if it's a second marriage, they are paying for sure.
preraph Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I bet his mom or someone got them to invite him so they could spend time with him and that's why no plus 1.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I bet his mom or someone got them to invite him so they could spend time with him and that's why no plus 1. What, they can't spend time with him when in their home town? Why do they need to fly across the country to spend time with him? This makes absolutely no sense, sorry.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 What, they can't spend time with him when in their home town? Why do they need to fly across the country to spend time with him? This makes absolutely no sense, sorry. Nevermind I think I get what you're saying. His mom wants him to spend time with his family that lives across the country ... the family who is having the wedding?
veggirl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Maybe they don't want an unrelated stranger at their wedding? Who cares...it's their decision not his. I'm wedding planning right now...people with LTR partners get an invite for the partner but a single who is not even dating or dating someone of a couple months? No they get an invite for one person. Sorry but I don't want people I don't know at my wedding. Family you don't see or haven't seen since you were a kid is different bc there is still a familial connection but a literal stranger? Nope.
Poutrew Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Another fact about weddings, is that even when everyone sends in the RSVP, you can never plan the reception dinner down to a single plate. It is common to add 10% more plates, or 5% more for cash starved shindigs, than there are people who are planned to show up. This means after the wedding, the family has several dozen cooked chicken dinners to dispose of. I've been to a wedding where I couldn't leave without bringing home 8 extra chicken dinners, because everyone who paid for the wedding already has their trunks stuffed full of extra plates of food. They have to be eaten and can't be frozen, which means everyone gets mighty sick of leftover chicken... to imply no one should bring a guest says that the people are so poor that they cant even afford a single plate over the allotted number. If that's the case, they should have a simple justice of the peace marriage, or elope. I think the boyfriend's family doesn't want girlfriend to come and have purposely excluded her, and sonny boy is going along with momma... bad news for the long term future of this relationship...
MissBee Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and he was invited to a wedding in September across the country. The wedding was supposed to be in February but was postponed because of a death. He's only going for three days but I just feel really left out and kind of sad... Originally my boyfriend wasn't going to go but decided that he wanted to. It is a family wedding but he's never met the bride or groom he's also going with his parents. It sounds like he's really not going to know anyone there and it's going to be a big wedding apparently. I don't know for some reason it's really getting to me. I guess I feel like he could of asked to bring me? I know it sounds selfish. I just feel really left out and of course I don't want him to leave but it is his family despite that he's never met them. I just kind of need a point of view from someone else and maybe some ways to deal with this? I wouldn't make it a big deal. If you were his wife it would be extremely rude and weird, but it really sounds like since it's across the country with family, it's a family event primarily and not so much about you going too and being his date. If he were going to a family reunion would you feel the same way? I think it's healthy to do things separately sometimes, even if you're a couple. Him spending 3 days with his family and relatives should be perfectly fine. If it were his friend's wedding and it would be him and a bunch of his friends and their significant others and you weren't invited I'd be offended, but in the case of a family wedding where he's going with his parents and seems like the bride and groom are extended relatives he's meeting for the first time...it may actually be very awkward for you to come along unlike in the friend wedding scenario. In the friend wedding scenario you coming along would probably double as a nice romantic trip for you two...but he's going with his parents...and it's all his family...I mean...that will likely not be a romantic trip for you two to be together with his parents and family, esp if say they are staying with family as well. I get what folks are saying about him being your 1 year bf but honestly, 1 year isn't that long and things are still tenuous at 1 year, where you're not really a longterm couple. 1 year isn't longterm, it's the first milestone of a relationship, really the baby phase of a serious relationship. Like I said, it's different if you're married or say been together for several years, then it would be rude, as after a while you come as a package almost, but 1 year is still a tenuous point where you still have to allow some room for things to continue to get more solidified. That said, I would be a little bit relieved not to have to go to my 1 yr bf's family wedding with him and his parents across the country esp if it's me, him, them and we're shacked up at a relative's place. Edited July 9, 2016 by MissBee
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