Wheezy Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 We dated for 5 years. Had a rocky breakup. She left me because I didn't pay enough attention to her, but she didn't understand that her substance abuse was tearing me apart so I subconsciously pulled away. I know sounds doomed anyway. Can't help who you have feelings for. It's been a year since I've talked to her. She's dated two guys since me, and they were druggies and/or physically abusive. ( I ran into her mother a month ago.) I've dated some woman since, but mostly enjoyed learning about myself being single. I'm successful in my career, physically fit, don't have major red flag flaws. (except that I just pointed that all out. =p) Anyway, I've spent a lot of time thinking about everything. My question is. How do I go about contacting my ex? I want to apologize for the things I did both before and after the breakup. I also want to maybe go out and catch up and see what our interaction is like. I really don't have an issue talking to her, I just don't want to seem weak even though I truly do feel bad for the things I said and the way I acted. I want to make amends but not sure how to do it without seeming cocky or on the other side of the spectrum weak. Thanks
Zahara Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Personally, I think you should keep moving forward. You're both walking very different paths and you don't want to get roped into a situation that can probably be detrimental to all the progress you've made so far. What about her substance abuse? Is she still using? Has she been in rehab? Drug addiction is a life long battle. In addition to her relationship past, it's indicative of other deeply ingrained emotional issues. Do you really want to risk getting wrapped up with all that again? Are you truly wanting to make amends and getting "closure" or are you hoping to break the ice to see if there could be potential interest? It's been a year since the ending. Instead of regurgitating the past, come to terms with the mistakes that you made, take those lessons and apply it for the future. 2
SevenCity Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Making amends in this case will likely cause her more harm than good. If you want her to not suffer, leaving her alone is best. However, if your intentions are to try and rekindle that's different.
JewelD Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I'd leave her alone. You want to apologize for the things you've done in order to make yourself feel better about what you did. Is that going to make her feel better? Probably not. If you were going to apologize, it should have been done a long time ago. However, it kinda sounds like you want to strike something up with her. Because you can apologize via text or phone call or letter, but you want to see her in person and have dinner and catch up like you're old friends. She might not feel that way. Especially after you've brought up old drama.
Hoosfoos Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 You don't need to apologize to her because I can guarantee you treated her better than the losers that came after you. If she doesn't realize that then f*ck her, IMHO. Let her suffer from the loss and you will get the best revenge: living well.
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I disagree! I don't see why you should take revenge on someone you loved! Listen just don't break NC. You are doing good. Just continue moving forward and set your mind off this. You are overthinking it and it's dragging you down. What's done is done be in your happy place and forget about the past. We are human, not stone. We constantly move and improve. Don't stand still in one place while the other person is not waiting for you. You will just bring more pain to you and go back to square one. Hope this helps.
lolablue17 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Man, you don't want to contact her "because you want to appologize, or to catch up". You just miss her and want her back! May I remind you that you had pulled away of the relationship because of her drugs. So, the only way it might work now is if she is clean. This is the key to everything. So, i advice you to contact her, saying "how you're doing", suggesting to catch up (as friends). If she agrees, you should somhow find out if she's clean, and go according to this information. Having emotions and feelings doesn't make you weak. If you wish to appologize, do it along the way, not as a starter. Because your new thing with her must be based on mutual new attraction, new desire to build a new relationship.
Recommended Posts