Is there a point when a woman has too many sexual partners?

[tooused]

If you are dating someone (late 20's) and their sexual past comes up (either by asking or just comes out in as you get to know them) is there a number of sexual partners they may have that is just too many?

 

ie. you hear that she had sex with 10, 20, 30, 50, 80 people, is there a point when you are too turned off to continue the relationship?

 

No more details other than I had an abusive partner who got his fix through sex, without his participation.

[kendahke]

If you are dating someone (late 20's) and their sexual past comes up (either by asking or just comes out in as you get to know them) is there a number of sexual partners they may have that is just too many?

 

ie. you hear that she had sex with 10, 20, 30, 50, 80 people, is there a point when you are too turned off to continue the relationship?

 

No more details other than I had an abusive partner who got his fix through sex, without his participation.

 

Too many for whom? Her or you?

[jen1447]

ie. you hear that she had sex with 10, 20, 30, 50, 80 people, is there a point when you are too turned off to continue the relationship?

 

Not just on numbers, no, but the context behind the numbers is meaningful. If she just likes sex and isn't afraid to get it, fine, but if she racked up a big number by indulging in lots of drug-fueled orgies she can't recall, etc., that'd be a problem and a pass moment for me.

[AMJ]

I mean, there's a point when a man having too many partners is a turn-off for me, too. It goes both ways. However, if the guy's number of partners is enough to turn me off him completely, I probably don't have that many reasons to be attracted to him in the first place.

[Larryville]

i just believe that you should be able to remember every person.

 

When you can’t remember someone you were intimate with to me there is a mental disconnect that simply is not healthy IMHO.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

i just believe that you should be able to remember every person.

 

When you can’t remember someone you were intimate with to me there is a mental disconnect that simply is not healthy IMHO.

 

totally agree!

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I think if it has been a lot and someone boasts about how many people they've slept with! that's weird to me. I would prefer less, but people have had lives. More than say 8 partners? and I don't want to know. I think there was a guy on here on LSF that he thought 10 was a red flag. He thought if he was with a woman that had ONLY slept with 10 or less people, that was too little, and too inexperienced. 10. Not one or two, but 10, in his mind, 10 was too little a number but then more than 100 and it was getting to high.

 

I actually think sex is a really special to be honest, some people don't think so, but if you have had less people, and are more likely to dedicate and stay loyal to one in particular and you have less to compare them too, there is something really sweet and nice about.

 

People judge lo lo jones being a virgin at 34. I'm sure because she's an athlete that guy will be lucky, she'll have a lot to unleash and she will be very dedicated to the guy she's with. She'll probably have a lot of fun too exploring sex and it and all that comes with it. She'll make up for lost time, to whoever the lucky guy is.

[tooused]

Yes. That's correct. It is not just a few men, though. It was a lot. I did not want to but it was not rape. Now I do not know how to approach that in a new relationship. I was told that I was used up.

[CarrieT]

Meh.

 

In my early 20s, I married a man and we tried swinging. During one weekend, we went to an orgy with 100+ people and I easily had sex with more than a third of them. Somewhere in the process, my "numbers" climbed into the 300s.

 

25 years later - after being divorced for more than two decades - I met a nice, respectable doctor. He didn't judge me on my past or my numbers and I am now happily married.

 

I was FAR from "used up."

[Satu]

Yes. That's correct. It is not just a few men, though. It was a lot. I did not want to but it was not rape. Now I do not know how to approach that in a new relationship. I was told that I was used up.

 

No, you are not used up.

 

You are on an equal footing with everone; not better, not worse.

 

Take care.

[preraph]

I think as long as the woman is happy and isn't just creating a lot of chaos in her life and making herself miserable and she's not willfully hurting anyone, it's strictly an individual decision, man or woman.

[dichotomy]

When its not a double standard but it is an issue for your own personal belief and practice system.

[TheBathWater]

The reason it's a double-standard is because men are pursuers and typically put in effort to have sex, whereas women are either receptive to or not and so are more passive.

 

Hence, when a man scores, he's a stud. He is rewarded for the effort he put in.

 

But when she racks up partners, she's promiscuous because it's assumed she is taking advantage of her easy access to sexual suitors. She did not have to put in effort. She simply opened the gates.

Edited July 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TheBathWater]

In my early 20s, I married a man and we tried swinging. During one weekend, we went to an orgy with 100+ people and I easily had sex with more than a third of them. Somewhere in the process, my "numbers" climbed into the 300s.

 

Were you that promiscuous before that relationship? How was your experience at that time? How do you feel about it in retrospect now?

[xxoo]

Yes. That's correct. It is not just a few men, though. It was a lot. I did not want to but it was not rape. Now I do not know how to approach that in a new relationship. I was told that I was used up.

 

People don't get used up. That's awful.

 

For some people, 2 partners is "too many". For others, there is no "too many". People will fall all over the spectrum in between.

 

Someone who loves you will see you and want you, not judge your past. Your past made you who you are.

[mrldii]

"Is there a point when a woman has too many sexual partners?"

 

Yes. It's the same number as that number when a man has had too many sexual partners...

 

...not one more, and not one less.

[CarrieT]

Were you that promiscuous before that relationship?

I was a triple rape victim who "learned" self-worth through sex so, yes, I was a bit promiscuous but my then-husband encouraged exploration through sexuality.

 

How was your experience at that time?

I'm assuming you are asking how sexually experienced I was when I married? Fairly experienced and definitely moreso than that husband (whom I ended up divorcing when I discovered him having sex with other men) and my current husband.

 

How do you feel about it in retrospect now?

It made me who I am now. It took my many years and lots of therapy to finally like who I am so I wouldn't necessarily change any of those decision I made. My biggest regrets in life is my education; I was smarter than I realized and never pursued four-year universities and - instead - spent 12 years of night school getting a degree.

[TheBathWater]

I was a triple rape victim who "learned" self-worth through sex so, yes, I was a bit promiscuous but my then-husband encouraged exploration through sexuality.

 

 

I'm assuming you are asking how sexually experienced I was when I married? Fairly experienced and definitely moreso than that husband (whom I ended up divorcing when I discovered him having sex with other men) and my current husband.

 

 

It made me who I am now. It took my many years and lots of therapy to finally like who I am so I wouldn't necessarily change any of those decision I made. My biggest regrets in life is my education; I was smarter than I realized and never pursued four-year universities and - instead - spent 12 years of night school getting a degree.

 

You're a survivor for sure. Good story, and congratulations on the degree.

[dcamnc]

I don't really think it's a big deal. I dated a ex-stripper for a few years who had been with hundreds, if not thousands of guys and girls. She tested clean, and we were good to go after that.

[dichotomy]

The reason it's a double-standard is because men are pursuers and typically put in effort to have sex, whereas women are either receptive to or not and so are more passive.

 

Hence, when a man scores, he's a stud. He is rewarded for the effort he put in.

 

But when she racks up partners, she's promiscuous because it's assumed she is taking advantage of her easy access to sexual suitors. She did not have to put in effort. She simply opened the gates.

 

Women pursue men these days.

 

Its not always a double standard issue with men, but it is infuriating when it is.

 

Sometimes its one standard for both himself... and he desires his partner to share that standard.

 

Although "standard" is probably more like personal belief or lifestyle choice.

[ManyDissapoint]

Yes a woman's count is important to me. If my count is important to her that's okay too.

[OneLov]

Not just on numbers, no, but the context behind the numbers is meaningful. If she just likes sex and isn't afraid to get it, fine, but if she racked up a big number by indulging in lots of drug-fueled orgies she can't recall, etc., that'd be a problem and a pass moment for me.

 

I agree -- it's quality not quantity. This sums it up quite well. Liking sex is different than letting dudes run train on her on the reg.

[Shanex]

Curiously, most of my ex turned out to be on the libertine harlots' side. Because I eventually found out or rather guessed many of them have had quite a few. The only ones who openly told me their "numbers" were at 30-35 partners in their 20s. I don't think it's because they were young. Because CarrieT story who's a bit older is here to prove it is not just generation x,y,z.

 

Im never judgemental about it anyway since I'm open minded. And hardly jealous or possessive either when in a relationship.

[anika99]

Yes. That's correct. It is not just a few men, though. It was a lot. I did not want to but it was not rape. Now I do not know how to approach that in a new relationship. I was told that I was used up.

 

Above you seem to be saying that you had a lot of sexual partners and that it wasn't rape but it was sex you didn't want to have. So what is concerning here is not the number of sexual partners, it's that there is something going on in your life that leads to you having unwanted sex. Were you being paid for sex? Are you out of whatever the situation was that was causing you to have unwanted sexual partners?

 

 

You are not used up and whoever said that to you is awful for saying it.

[jen1447]

The used up comment is innately selfish bc what it means intrinsically is "used up for my purposes." So if that's the evaluation you're giving someone, better save some of the evaluation for your own shortcomings too bc you're lacking in the give-and-take department.

 

Anyone who's alive still has plenty of life to live despite their history and can't objectively be personally "used up."