Kuchi2 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 I'm not sure if this belongs in the dating section, but I left my baby's dad months ago, and have been dating someone for the past 8 months. I have told my baby's dad that I am seeing someone via text, phone call and in person. But he still would have moments where he'll send me "I love you" or "I miss you" or old pics of us or talk about the past. My current boyfriend doesn't like this, and feels that my baby's dad doesn't respect my relationship at all. I agree with my bf, but how do I force someone to stop after I've made it known many times? I don't sugar coat it to my ex, nor let him down eaay, I say it like it is, but he would still continue. Its slowed down for a while, but he would occasionally still send me a message, which is usually late at nights. Any thoughts? Or ways I should approach it to both? I don't want my bf to feel as if I'm leading my ex on, because my ex seems to not stop. Lately I have been just ignoring my ex's texts instead of starting a back and forth argument. If its not about our baby, I ignore him.
Grapesofwrath Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Keep ignoring anything other than texts about your child. If you engage with him, you encourage him. Be transparent with your boyfriend so he knows that you are required to maintain contact with your child's father, but there is nothing romantic there.
Author Kuchi2 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 My boyfriend understands that my ex will always be around due to our child, and my boyfriend also has his own child with someone else. Last night, my boyfriend really expressed his concern on the ex thing because I guess he feels threatened or even as an act against him for the fact that my ex knows about him, and still wants to send me inappropriate messages. Every time I have texted my ex about stopping and/or that its inappropriate because I'm in a relationship with someone else, I show it to boyfriend. I just can not force ex to stop, so its been an issue on that end.
Grapesofwrath Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 You're right, Kuchi. You can't force your ex to change this behavior. It stinks. And your boyfriend is right...it is disrespectful of your relationship for your ex to do this. Ignoring it is the only solution I can think of because when you engage on the subject, he gets your attention. Just ignore and delete those messages that are not about your child.
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Change your phone number. Right before doing this tell your ex that if he needs to contact you concerning your child he can go through your mom, she will relay the message to you. Done. 1
Captivating Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Kutci, Your ex-boyfriend had a family with you and still loves you. You cannot blame him feeling what he is feeling, you broke his heart. Your current boyfriend didn't have any problem breaking up a family, it was disrespect on his part but now he is annoyed by your ex's texts and feels disrespected ?? What a hypocrite! COMPASSION ! He is suffering (your ex) because the breakup wasn't his choice. Just try to imagine yourself being in his shoes. I would be understanding of all of this, I would answer his texts respectfully, you guys have a baby with your ex, you should be respectful with each other and in front of your baby, it is very important. You guys will be in each other's lives for good because of your baby so work on it so it changes into a friendly relationship over time, it is everyone's best interest. Your new boyfriend has nothing to do with this or your past (other than breaking you guys up) he should stay out of this. Rejection is very hard to accept, have compassion for him, there was a time when you guys meant a lot for each other. Right ? Just like with the new guy.
Captivating Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Change your phone number. Right before doing this tell your ex that if he needs to contact you concerning your child he can go through your mom, she will relay the message to you. Done. ??? Why would you suggest this to her ? Have you ever been heartbroken by losing your FAMILY ?? He didn't do anything bad, why would he be treated in such HEARTLESS manner ?
Author Kuchi2 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Kutci, Your ex-boyfriend had a family with you and still loves you. You cannot blame him feeling what he is feeling, you broke his heart. Your current boyfriend didn't have any problem breaking up a family, it was disrespect on his part but now he is annoyed by your ex's texts and feels disrespected ?? What a hypocrite! COMPASSION ! He is suffering (your ex) because the breakup wasn't his choice. Just try to imagine yourself being in his shoes. I would be understanding of all of this, I would answer his texts respectfully, you guys have a baby with your ex, you should be respectful with each other and in front of your baby, it is very important. You guys will be in each other's lives for good because of your baby so work on it so it changes into a friendly relationship over time, it is everyone's best interest. Your new boyfriend has nothing to do with this or your past (other than breaking you guys up) he should stay out of this. Rejection is very hard to accept, have compassion for him, there was a time when you guys meant a lot for each other. Right ? Just like with the new guy. Oh no no no. Let me clear this misunderstanding. My current bf never broke us apart. My ex and I were together for about 5 or 6 years. More than half of that time, I was already out of love, and the last 2 of those years we pretty much lived as roommates and never spoke unless it was about our child. I had moved out of his house after I got my own place. I only stayed so long for two reasons: for our child (I did try to work it out and stick it through) and until I was able to financially get my own place. So going back to my ex. I told him in a NICE and understanding way about me dating. I actually wrote him a letter after I had left and told him that I will eventually start dating, just like he will, and that we shouldn't make our lives miserable because we find someone else. I told him about my bf after we got more serious. And still will tell him that his actions/words are inappropriate after I had told him a couple of times that I am with someone else. I understand if he may "still love" me, or misses me, but if he was the one in a relationship and I pulled that crap, his girl would be upset and he would say something back to me-- so that is also how I brought it up to him, that it would be disrespectful to him if I did what he did knowing he was with someone (which I don't know if he is, I try to stay out of his personal life unless he says something). Regarding the baby. I told my ex that I want and will stay civil/friendly with him for our baby (didn't even hit him with court stuff as I insisted we work it out, and after me nagging to work it out, he finally understood. He didn't even want to help me out when I first left). I keep him in the baby's life. He sees his child. I send him updates and pictures when I have our child. So regarding this aspect, I respect him as my child's father. My bf has zero issues in this, as he too has a child by another woman and they have a civil relationship for the child. 1
Author Kuchi2 Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 ??? Why would you suggest this to her ? Have you ever been heartbroken by losing your FAMILY ?? He didn't do anything bad, why would he be treated in such HEARTLESS manner ? He did bad things lol, but this isn't to vent about a lost relationship. I wouldn't change my number. I had this number for many many years and my mom is in bad health, still has to work, and has alot of personal issues (money, house, taking care of my younger brother, marriage problems), so adding my issues to her would be really selfish. 1
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