66Charger Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 Moonmission, nothing could be more foolish and wrong than the above bit of advice. Every indication there is points to your b/f being the father, and you should play that hand until anything can prove it wrong. It is at least 98% probable that the b/f is the father, and even IF you went down the line, and he learned that he wasn't the father, you can still use your addiction as the reason for your having come to have somebody else's child. The issue really isn't who is the biological contributor to the baby, the issue is your making your own boyfriend feel bad just to ease your own guilt - and that is akin to compounding one selfish move by making a further selfish move (that would be hurting your boyfriend needlessly, just to make yourself feel better). Wow. Play your hand (lies) until proven wrong and then blame the addiction. Dirty advice, that no man wants their SO to hear. And here is the biggest wopper of all.. "The issue is not who is the biological contributor" WTF! In what world is that true. That's the only issue here (edit civility) This is about giving life, child, motherhood and fatherhood. Do not start this chapter on the wrong foot. If you are going to change your life, and be the best mother you can be, then go all in. And start with the truth. 3
spanz1 Posted July 26, 2016 Posted July 26, 2016 So you think LYING TO HIM and keeping him in the dark about her cheating is the more 'unselfish' option???? That's the most twisted bit of logic I've ever seen here, and that's saying a lot. i don't know. IF she is willing to NEVER transgress again, and take this to the grave.....it will be MUCH harder on her to do so, and WILL save the BF a lot of anguish. One can not tell another what to do, only point out options.
road Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 i don't know. IF she is willing to NEVER transgress again, and take this to the grave.....it will be MUCH harder on her to do so, and WILL save the BF a lot of anguish. One can not tell another what to do, only point out options. Usually the right thing to do is the harder thing to do. Then do not confuse telling someone that they should or need to do the right thing as the same as ordering them to do so.
standtall Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I would hope my wife kept this a secret until the child was raised.
Cephalopod Posted July 27, 2016 Posted July 27, 2016 I would hope my wife kept this a secret until the child was raised. I dunno. I think I would want to know if I was married to a druggie. I'd like to think that I haven't been exposing myself to STDs and HIV.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 C'mon people... THE BOYFRIEND is the innocent party here. Thus he is the priority. (unTIL the child is born, of course) SO, the child being raised BY both of its parents for a long, long time IS the ideal outcome... The child being raised by two people who each THINK they are the child's parents is potentially even better than it being raised by its actual parents. So the woman would be absolutely foolish (and selfish too) to introduce the POSSIBILITY that the child is not that of the boyfriend (when, first of all, the 98% probability that it IS his, is there). This notion of taking it out on the baby and/or the baby's future, that the mom had sex with more than one guy somewhere near to conception, is just plain stupid. It is akin to the way people chastise only the high school girls who got pregnant while it doesn't matter to them that many of the other high school girls were doing the same thing, and simply not falling pregnant.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 Wow. Play your hand (lies) until proven wrong and then blame the addiction. Dirty advice, that no man wants their SO to hear. And here is the biggest wopper of all.. "The issue is not who is the biological contributor" WTF! In what world is that true. That's the only issue here (edit civility) This is about giving life, child, motherhood and fatherhood. Do not start this chapter on the wrong foot. If you are going to change your life, and be the best mother you can be, then go all in. And start with the truth. You are simply wrong.
Lady Hamilton Posted July 29, 2016 Posted July 29, 2016 The best thing OP can do is not do a single thing based off of random internet advice on an open forum and instead talk to the qualified professional helping her IRL so that she can do what's best based on her abilities and circumstances while still succeeding in her sobriety. Especially as this wasn't an affair, but a drug dealer who gave her pills to "make her out of it" before having sex with her despite her being mentally incapacitated and verbally stating she wasn't a willing participant in what was going on.
Oberfeldwebel Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 The most important thing here is not who is the father, but that you have been clean for several months and are preparing to be the best mother that you can be. Your child is the innocent one in this story and deserves a healthy and happy home and mother. Nothing you do will change who is the biological sperm donor, but being a father is completely separate. I would seek counseling and advice on how to tell your bf. If he is the man that you think that he is, he will stay. If he leaves, then it is better that it happens now then later. Remember the most important thing is your health and your child. Congrats and be the best mom you can be.
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