scratch Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by jen_jen_heartbroken And guess what.... All that BS goes out the window if a guy is really into you, because there's no way a guy is going to be okay with "sharing" a woman he is really interested in. Flip side - if a woman is really interested in you, she'll tolerate whatever foul treatment or deviant sex you throw her way. Everything goes out the window with high enough interest. Everything. There's no sense talking about extremes.
birdgirl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I was in the same situation until recently, except we weren't having sex. I kept complaining to my friends and family that we acted like we were in a relationship, and we WERE exclusive in that we weren't seeing other people, but we weren't using the boyfriend/girlfriend title. Finally after four months he's come around... I am still waiting for him to tell his family (I posted about that a little while ago), but he's willing to let everyone else know we are together. I did not pressure him. If anything, I acted like I was fine with it and didn't care at all. This was after one conversation where I let him know it was starting to bother me. I told him, if we're not together, we can't act like we're together, and that we should see each other considerably less. I am learning that my bf is a very hesitant person... I have seen that he hesitates in everything in life, not just with calling me his girlfriend. But it took four months for me to learn that about him. :-) I would say, you should keep dating till he's ready to come around. Maybe tell him you rethought your situation, and seeing how you're not exclusive, there are a couple of guys you're interested in hanging out with? Tell him he's the only one you're sleeping with. Just... don't act like you care one way or another.
Author Prim&proper Posted September 16, 2005 Author Posted September 16, 2005 So I'm still seeing the same guy but we had a long distance thing for a month and a half and now he's back. Since he's been back (2 weeks) I've been seeing him every night and spending all of my weekends with him. He's also more affectionate, calls more often, talks about future plans, talks to his friends about me, etc. But here's the rub: there has been no discussion of exclusivity. I'm not bringing up the exclusivity thing because I've been harping so much about it in the past and am hoping that he does. I know he's not seeing anyone and I've told him I'm not seeing anyone (frankly there's no time to see anyone else). So does that make us exclusive? Is he my boyfriend? And if your advice is to ask, the question is should I, given how often I've brought it up the past? Or should I just chill and be comfortable with the gray zone? Or should I just pretend he's my bf and introduce him as such to people? Any ideas?
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 So I'm still seeing the same guy but we had a long distance thing for a month and a half and now he's back. Since he's been back (2 weeks) I've been seeing him every night and spending all of my weekends with him. He's also more affectionate, calls more often, talks about future plans, talks to his friends about me, etc. But here's the rub: there has been no discussion of exclusivity. I'm not bringing up the exclusivity thing because I've been harping so much about it in the past and am hoping that he does. I know he's not seeing anyone and I've told him I'm not seeing anyone (frankly there's no time to see anyone else). So does that make us exclusive? Is he my boyfriend? And if your advice is to ask, the question is should I, given how often I've brought it up the past? Or should I just chill and be comfortable with the gray zone? Or should I just pretend he's my bf and introduce him as such to people? Any ideas? Men are clueless. Really, they are. He might already assume that you are an exclusive couple. But it will probably help you sleep better at night to get some clarification. I suggest you just find a time when you can tell him how happy you are that you're together....get the talk headed into relationship-land....and then just ask him flat out, "So, how do you feel about exclusivity?" Then you'll know, and can put the questions to rest.
Author Prim&proper Posted September 17, 2005 Author Posted September 17, 2005 Men are clueless. Really, they are. He might already assume that you are an exclusive couple. But it will probably help you sleep better at night to get some clarification. I suggest you just find a time when you can tell him how happy you are that you're together....get the talk headed into relationship-land....and then just ask him flat out, "So, how do you feel about exclusivity?" Then you'll know, and can put the questions to rest. Okay, I'm really confused now. Last night was my friend's birthday and he and went together. I asked him late at night with a few drinks in me whether we are together. He says what does that mean. So I said are you my boyfriend? And he said no. Darn it! So now what do I do? Dump him or continue this? Guys, do you ever see a woman this much and not want to be her boyfriend? And if so, why not? He and I have been spending a lot of time together, every night for 2 weeks.
Mary3 Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 Okay : The reality is .....he is having sex with you....he is seeing what else is out there that might be * better * and when he finds it you are HISTORY. Please note the previous posters very good advice. If he wanted you as his girl he would be with you 110 %. He is keeping his eyes open for better options. He does not want to miss the next good thing... I would move on with your life. ASAP
Cecelius Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I think you jumped on this way too fast again. He is trying to like you and you may be rushing things. First I think you approached him about this after 1 month. Then you parted for an LDR (which are of course nonsense). now he's been back for 4 seconds, enjoying spending time with you, and I think you jumped the gun again.
Author Prim&proper Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 I think you jumped on this way too fast again. He is trying to like you and you may be rushing things. First I think you approached him about this after 1 month. Then you parted for an LDR (which are of course nonsense). now he's been back for 4 seconds, enjoying spending time with you, and I think you jumped the gun again. Cecelius, so what do I do now? Just keep seeing him? Do you think he'll come around? I just don't get it. How is it that he acts like he's my bf (calls me everyday, spend every night and the weekends with me, introduces me to his friends, etc.) and say he's not my bf. Is he waiting for something better to come along?
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