Is it ever a good idea to show up at a guys place uninvited?

[phineas]

Theres a difference between a hot girl you know is a little bit off, and one you don't want to see that turns up at your place unwanted, possibly while you are with someone else. I can't imagine many guys wanting the second.

 

Yeah no.

Google Barney stinson chart.

 

Sad thing is, if OP met a man who did treat her how she says she wants to be treated she'd lose interest at best & put the guy in a living hell at worst.

Edited July 9, 2016 by phineas

[Redhead14]

I can't wait for the update . . .

 

"OMG, he called the cops!"

 

"OMG, he was so rude and cold. I can't understand how someone could be so cold after having sex with me and disappearing twice. What am I missing here?"

 

"OMG, I'm so devastated. I don't know how I'll get over this"

 

"OMG, it's been a month and he just texted me to come over at 2:00 a.m. He's still thinking about me and couldn't stand to be without me"

 

"OMG, I went to his house to read him the riot act. What a beautiful house with a swing set in the back yard and two cars in the driveway and his wife answering the door"

 

I could go on but . . .

[katiegrl]

I can't wait for the update . . .

 

"OMG, he called the cops!"

 

"OMG, he was so rude and cold. I can't understand how someone could be so cold after having sex with me and disappearing twice. What am I missing here?"

 

"OMG, I'm so devastated. I don't know how I'll get over this"

 

"OMG, it's been a month and he just texted me to come over at 2:00 a.m. He's still thinking about me and couldn't stand to be without me"

 

"OMG, I went to his house to read him the riot act. What a beautiful house with a swing set in the back yard and two cars in the driveway and his wife answering the door"

 

I could go on but . . .

 

Right. And that is exactly how she learns NEVER ever do that again and gaining her closure from within..

 

By making mistakes, suffering the consequences of those mistakes and learning from them...

Edited July 9, 2016 by katiegrl

[Redhead14]

Right. And that is exactly how she learns NEVER ever do that again and gaining her closure from within..

 

By making mistakes, suffering the consequences of those mistakes and learning from them...

 

However, the OP doesn't seem to have the ability to learn from experiences -- the guy ditched her twice. Most of us would have moved on the first time . . .

 

And, she's not really going there to read him the riot act -- she's hoping she will get there, tell him she's done with him and that he will tell her he's sorry and beg her not to go. And, she will stay, have sex with him and then he will disappear again.

 

Sometimes when a guy gets a heads up that a woman is so attached to him as to have a meltdown, he knows he can manipulate her . . . and so the string along continues . . .

[katiegrl]

I dunno that she is expecting that RH..... reading her first post again, he has ghosted on her AGAIN.

 

She knows the guy has been jerking her around and she's pissed!

 

I don't know why she said she needs *closure*... maybe it sounds less egregious than going over and giving him a piece of her mind...

 

I highly doubt she is that naive to think he is gonna profess his undying love for her... that is not what I am getting from her, I could be wrong!

 

I think she has things to say, questions to ask, it probably won't end well, but still ... she needs to experience it so she learns...

 

Just my two cents...

[katiegrl]

In addition, I have been on this board long enough to realize that after an OP receives tons of advice, when he/she returns saying she is gonna do what she wants regardless, it is a futile waste of energy giving the same advice.

 

All one can do is wish her well in her endeavor and let the chips fall where they may.

 

If it turns out to be one huge mistake, she picks herself up, shakes that shy off, and carries on.

 

Hopefully having learned something from the experience..

Edited July 9, 2016 by katiegrl

[Redhead14]

I dunno that she is expecting that RH..... reading her first post again, he has ghosted on her AGAIN.

 

She knows the guy has been jerking her around and she's pissed!

 

I don't know why she said she needs *closure*... maybe it sounds less egregious than going over and giving him a piece of her mind...

 

I highly doubt she is that naive to think he is gonna profess his undying love for her... that is not what I am getting from her, I could be wrong!

 

I think she has things to say, questions to ask, it probably won't end well, but still ... she needs to experience it so she learns...

 

Just my two cents...

 

 

Oh, I agree, she needs to do it in order to learn. But, she is naïve, for even thinking that he's gonna be affected by her anger. He doesn't give a crap if she's angry or not.

 

She knows the guy has been jerking her around and she's pissed!

-- She allowed herself to be jerked around by re-connecting the second time . . . that's the lesson. She doesn't need to compound it by humiliating herself. She has no one to be upset with but herself . . . fool me once . . .

[katiegrl]

Oh, I agree, she needs to do it in order to learn. But, she is naïve, for even thinking that he's gonna be affected by her anger. He doesn't give a crap if she's angry or not.

 

She knows the guy has been jerking her around and she's pissed!

-- She allowed herself to be jerked around by re-connecting the second time . . . that's the lesson. She doesn't need to compound it by humiliating herself. She has no one to be upset with but herself . . . fool me once . . .

 

Yeah I know but she's human like all of us.

 

Sometimes it takes awhile before it finally sinks in.... especially when we're really into someone. We become blind and see only what we want.... it's very common, you know that.

 

Not smart, but human.

 

She'll learn ...... we all do after being knocked down a few times...

[ASG]

Yeah, you're right. She should stay off forums and do what she wants since she doesn't want advice anyway.

 

I don't agree with that, though. She wanted advice... advice that validated her decision. She didn't get it this time, and decided to do exactly what she had set her mind to.

 

We've all been there in one way or another.

[Redhead14]

I don't agree with that, though. She wanted advice... advice that validated her decision. She didn't get it this time, and decided to do exactly what she had set her mind to.

 

We've all been there in one way or another.

 

Exactly. A lot of posters do that. They will get 10 opinions, voices of reason, but will cling to that one reply that supports their position and if they don't even get one, they'll just do whatever their emotional barometer tells them, especially if that barometer is broken . . .

 

I'm curious to know how old she is, how long she's been dating, the number of dating partners, the histories, etc.

[phineas]

Right. And that is exactly how she learns NEVER ever do that again and gaining her closure from within..

 

By making mistakes, suffering the consequences of those mistakes and learning from them...

 

Closure is over rated.

I just learned to not give a fug and move onto the next one.

[Redhead14]

Closure! We dun't need no stin king closure! Even if you get your "closure" you still go home, eat a gallon of ice cream, stay in bed for a week and twist your mind up about how it could happen, why it happened, what you could have done differently, how could they?, what's wrong with me? Unfortunately, you do have to go through all that but as soon as possible, start telling yourself, "I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't really want to be with me. It doesn't matter why they don't and I got better stuff to do than waste my time and emotion on them". And, that's the benefit of having your own fulfilling life that remains in tact while you're with them and still have after they've gone.

[Gaeta]

I don't understand the need for closure from a man that was clear as water about not wanting a relationship and just wanting to hang out on his terms.

[JewelD]

I'm curious as to what happened when the OP showed up to his house.

[kendahke]

However, the OP doesn't seem to have the ability to learn from experiences -- the guy ditched her twice. Most of us would have moved on the first time . . .

 

And, she's not really going there to read him the riot act -- she's hoping she will get there, tell him she's done with him and that he will tell her he's sorry and beg her not to go. And, she will stay, have sex with him and then he will disappear again.

 

Sometimes when a guy gets a heads up that a woman is so attached to him as to have a meltdown, he knows he can manipulate her . . . and so the string along continues . . .

 

Ha! I can see this coming from 500 miles away, too... but some people have to learn the hard way while they're picking the shards of their dignity up out of the street.

[Robert]

The OP seems to have gone silent, if they would like the thread re-opened then alert on my post and ask to have it opened, thanks all who have posted to give the thread starter tons of advice.