Is it ever a good idea to show up at a guys place uninvited?

[kendahke]

I would like to confront him and if he didn't want to see me anymore like if we are done, then he should tell me to my face! People don't like confrontation, but if he didn't want to see me anymore, then why wouldn't he just text me that? It's a lot easier than to say it to my face.

 

Don't go losing your dignity in front of someone who doesn't even merit that much energy.

 

You'll just end up looking crazy and your performance will only serve to justify to him the reason why he was right to pretty much leave you alone.

[TheMets]

I just need some closure. I'm not going to get loud or punch a hole in the wall. If he tells me directly I will leave him alone. silence doesn't make sense to me.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

If say a guy turns up to my house uninvited no matter what his excuses are, I usually get freaked out a little. i prefer a text or a phone call first. And if they don't pick up or text back. You have your answer. Seems like you already have yours. I think it's time to move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

In short?

 

This is a terrible idea, OP.

 

Don't do that.

[katiegrl]

Psycho Chick?

 

[Zahara]

I just need some closure. I'm not going to get loud or punch a hole in the wall. If he tells me directly I will leave him alone. silence doesn't make sense to me.

 

I think he's given you "closure" many times over -- you just can't get it through your head as to how he truly views you. You're desperate for more and you need to push him -- hence your need to show up at his home.

 

You've magnified "look forward to seeing you" as some huge commitment. It's insane and you want to confront him about it? You both aren't even in a relationship. He probably treats you like a booty call.

 

You should show up at his home. That will be the death seal and maybe that will help you move on.

[stillafool]

I just need some closure. I'm not going to get loud or punch a hole in the wall. If he tells me directly I will leave him alone. silence doesn't make sense to me.

 

Closure from what? You were never more than casual FWB at the most. Just move on; he wasn't your boyfriend.

[Mrlonelyone]

I showed up at the doorstep of an ex I hadn't seen for over a year once. Just went up and knocked. They were happy to see me and we got another year out of it.

 

IJS it could work out. On the other hand... based on what he has said, and as many other have pointed out it sounds like this guy isn't that into you. Just leave him alone. let him come to you a little.

[katiegrl]

OP.... just do it. If it blows up in your face, so what? You move on.

 

I fully believe in being true to yourself and taking risks.

 

You have something you want to say to him.... THEN SAY IT!

 

And as I said, he may be turned on by your feistiness, who knows.

 

If not, doesn't matter.... you said what you needed to say, that's all that matters.

 

Who cares what HE thinks. Stay true to yourself!

 

In any event, apparently Henry Hill (in the video clip) was quite turned on when Karen confronted him in front of a group of his friends and totally told him off.... after he blew her off one night.

 

They ended up getting married! This is true story too by the way. And great movie!

 

Edited July 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[NTV]

I think he's positioning you to become a booty call for him. If that's what you want with the guy, then go for it. But I don't think you'll be able to squeeze anything else out of this turnip.

 

 

Like others said, if you're looking for a serious relationship, then delete his very memory from your mind, and render him obsolete.

 

 

If you are looking for a midnight snack, maybe keep his number for that.

[TheMets]

I'm going to do it! I'll update and post what he says when I show up at his place.

[kendahke]

I just need some closure. I'm not going to get loud or punch a hole in the wall. If he tells me directly I will leave him alone. silence doesn't make sense to me.

 

You're not going to get closure because he's not going to tell you what you want to hear, and that's what you want.

 

You get closure for/by yourself. Anything else is just being unnecessarily dramatic.

 

And on again/off again relationship doesn't allow for closure unless you thought there was something more to what you had--when there wasn't.

 

Always maintain your grace and dignity. He doesn't deserve the expenditure of your energy. Invest it elsewhere on someone more worthy of it. An eff-buddy isn't that one.

[smackie9]

What if his GF answers the door instead????

[PogoStick]

Is it ever a good idea? Yes, when you are delivering the surprise new car you bought for his birthday.

[Gaeta]

I just need some closure. I'm not going to get loud or punch a hole in the wall. If he tells me directly I will leave him alone. silence doesn't make sense to me.

 

Hon, he told you already all that you need to know. What part is unclear to you? He does not want a relationship with you, he wants to see you once in a while which means when he feels like it and right now he does not feel like it.

 

Do you think that right now he is home thinking about you and thinking how he'd love to see you? then why doesn't he grab the phone to set up a meeting? He doesn't because he does not want to see you.

 

Now, lets say YOU don't want to see someone and they show up at your door, how would you feel about that?

[Maggie888]

Im not really sure why you posted here when you are determined to go show up at his door anyway, despite numerous posters telling you its a bad idea. You will look desparate for him and needy with little dignity if you do it. But you have to learn for yourself apparently.

 

If he was really looking forward to seeing you he would have contacted you. But he hasnt. Those are just niceties and words people say.

 

So what do you plan to say to him when you show up?

[katiegrl]

 

But you have to learn for yourself apparently.

 

 

Of course she does... THAT is how she learns. That is how we all learn.

 

By being true to ourselves and taking chances.

 

If we fall on our faces or look like idiots, so be it.

 

God knows I have made my fair share of mistakes.. and I have learned something valuable from each and every one.

 

And each and every one has made me a stronger person as well.

 

If she doesn't go over she will always say to herself "what if."

 

Whatever she wanted to say will be left unresolved within herself... festering, brewing....

 

And maybe even when she goes over, he will slam the door in her face and call her a psycho stalker.... but still... she would need to experience that for herself so she learns for next time.

 

People who post here always end up doing what they want.... 95% of the time anyway...which is okay in by book.... cuz that is how they learn.

 

Just my $.02.... OP good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Edited July 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Or he will invite her in, he will be nice and have sex, play cool 'ya sure I want to hang out' she'll think she did the right thing only to get rejected again the following month.

 

She needs to understand she is infatuated with a man that does not want her and some people will say things like 'see you soon' and 'looking forward to see you' EVEN if they don't want us, just to be nice and end the conversation.

[katiegrl]

Or he will invite her in, he will be nice and have sex, play cool 'ya sure I want to hang out' she'll think she did the right thing only to get rejected again the following month.

 

She needs to understand she is infatuated with a man that does not want her and some people will say things like 'see you soon' and 'looking forward to see you' EVEN if they don't want us, just to be nice and end the conversation.

 

Yes I agree she needs to understand, but the only way she will gain that understanding is by experiencing it for herself.... and then learning from it.

 

She is not gonna understand it by playing it safe and listening to what folks tell her to do on an advice forum.

 

Look at everything you have learned throughout the years? Through all your dating experiences. Good AND bad.

 

Do you think you would be the strong woman you are today, or as smart as you are... had you played it safe and done what others told you to do?

 

I think not!

Edited July 8, 2016 by katiegrl

[JewelD]

That has never ended well for anyone. Unless it's your boyfriend or husband, nothing good will come of it.

 

You'd be better off just writing a long ass text message or leaving him a voicemail if you absolutely need to say something to him.

 

How would you feel if someone you were tired of seeing so much showed up on your doorstep? You'd be annoyed and freaked out.

 

And there is no way to get closure from other people. Because that closure we seek is an explanation of why they did x,y,z or why they feel like this and that and people who do crappy things to you usually don't like confrontation. They don't mind hurting you, but they don't want to admit they did it or explain why. Sometimes they don't even know why.

[joseb]

Some men go for that believe it or not....

 

Even on this board, guys have posted there is just something about a "psycho" girl that excites them.

 

They usually grow out of it.

 

Hey read Lovelorn's latest thread! Her ex was (apparently still is) involved with a psycho chick. Can't seem to tear himself away I guess..... to each his own.

Theres a difference between a hot girl you know is a little bit off, and one you don't want to see that turns up at your place unwanted, possibly while you are with someone else. I can't imagine many guys wanting the second.

[Giggles666]

//I'm going to do it! I'll update and post what he says when I show up at his place.//

 

You shouldn't have asked our opinions if the whole time you just could not control yourself.

 

He clearly told you he was not into you, and showing up ay his door unannounced is going to do nothing but push him further away and or get you the label of "psycho".

[ASG]

So what? We've all been there, whether we went through with it or not.

 

She needs to know. Not by strangers on the Internet telling her what to do, but by doing it herself. It's misguided, but it is what it is.

 

People post here mostly to get validation. It's very rarely to get real advice. People will do whatever it was they were going to do in the first place.

[Toodaloo]

What do I have to lose? Him not answering the door? I need closure. Heck, I could get shot tomorrow, die in a car wreck, get attacked by terrorists.

 

Your dignity, self respect... I could go on.

 

Your closure should be that you tried again, it failed again because he isn't into you.

 

I really do not get what this whole "closure" thing is. Close it your self and take control of YOUR emotions, YOUR actions, YOUR life.... Yes this IS ALL ABOUT YOU. Sod him.If he wants to behave badly that is just fine but YOU need to take the attitude that you are not going to allow him to behave badly around you and to prevent that you are going to ignore him and walk away...

 

IF he tries to "reconnect" again just ignore him.

 

How many times does a guy have to tell you and show you through his actions that he just isn't interested?

 

Seems to me that you are not going to listen, that you are going to show up at his door.

 

My money is on him saying "WTF get away from me you crazy woman"...

 

Waste of breath and risk of RSI responding to this thread and trying to help you so I am going to take ASG's stance and just sit back and shake my head when you come back feeling like crap because he has been an ass instead of welcoming you in with flowers and charm....

 

Good luck though. You will need it.

[stillafool]

 

She needs to know. Not by strangers on the Internet telling her what to do, but by doing it herself. It's misguided, but it is what it is.

 

.

 

Yeah, you're right. She should stay off forums and do what she wants since she doesn't want advice anyway.