Break Up - I need my things back - he won't speak to me.......HELP!!!

[Lydia42]

I'm unable to eat, sleep, function....... in a nutshell me and my BF have had a difficult relationship. He loves me, I love him but it's always been a situation where neither one of us will give unless the other person gives first. I need to feel trust - he does things that make me "unsure" about him (flirts with other women, looks at alot of porn). I just can't totally trust him. His ex wife cheated on him, his mother divorced his dad when he was 14 and left him for 7 years with no contact. Maybe this is why he can't open up to me.

 

I want him to open up - take down his walls, make me feel secure and able to trust him. He says he can't do this unless I move in his house and marry him. He rushed that and pushed it on me 4 months after we started dating. Two years later I'm just not able to commit to him. I want to - there are just some red flags I keep seeing.

 

I've been very distant with him and lost interest in sex with him. I just couldn't feel that connection with him. His withholding his feelings has caused me to distance myself further and further. We both have kids from previous marriages - the kids don't want to live in the same house together so I didn't want to put my kid thru all that until we all got more comfortable with each other.

 

I kept waiting for us all to bond somehow but I've always had doubts about marriage and living in his house.

 

Now he's fed up with me - says it will never work. I've tried going by his house and talking to him - he has cut me off completely. I have some items at his house I want back - he won't return my calls and let me come by to get them. He's "punishing" me I guess.

 

We've been thru breakups before but usually I'm the one fed up and he comes back begging and pleading for me to give it another chance. Now I'm unable to get any response out of him - he says "I love you and care about you but it isn't going to work".

 

I know he really doesn't mean it - he's hurting me on purpose. I'm at the point I just want my things back. I called wanting to know when a good time was to pick up my things or if he wouldn't be home could he leave them at his front door and let me know and I'd come by and get them. I know he got my call on his cell phone - he always has his cell phone on during the day and checks his messages. He hasn't called me back - what do I do?

 

I'm upset because I know we love each other - it's just he wants instant family/wife/everyone living in his house and I can't uproot my life until I'm 100% sure I can trust him and it will work. My kid says it would be a huge mistake moving in to his house - he'd have to give up his school/friends, etc. and I don't want to do that to him - he'd be miserable living in my BF's house with his kid. All of us under one roof would be a nightmare - I know it.

 

A while back he agreed we'd be committed to each other and live separately until the kids graduated high school (6 more years) then we'd be able to focus on our relationship and get married. I was in total agreement with that. Now he's saying it won't work because I won't commit now and live in his house and be married.

 

He wants everything now - I want to wait. Now he's just abruptly told me "It won't work - it's over" and I can't get any response out of him. I just want my things back and my call to him this morning was polite, to the point and a "please let me know when I can pick them up".

 

He won't respond. What do I do?

 

I want things to work out but I can't commit to him and marry him/live in his house. We've been together 2 years on and off. I'm strong and independent and he wants me to be subserviant and cater to his needs yet he won't do anything to meet my needs. We are like two opposite ends of two magnets. We just can't seem to click - we just push each others buttons and push each other away.

 

Right now I just want my stuff back - but he won't return my call and arrange a time for me to come get it. Is he holding on to my things for a reason or is he simply torturing me?

[Lydia42]

He never called - I went and got my things back. It's over. What a skanky rotten loser....I just wasted two years of my life letting him come back (after divorce - after breaking up - he always begged for me to take him back). Now he screwed me - it was all a plan so he could have the final axe.

 

Moral of this story: NEVER TAKE BACK AN EX NO MATTER WHAT - YOU'LL GET SCREWED.

[penkitten]

what things do you need back?