jellyfish13 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Hi all, I've never posted on an online forum before... but I'd like to give it a try as I'm really desperate for some advice. I've been dating this girl (I'm a girl) for a year and a half. We met during my freshman year of college and her senior year. It's my first relationship. Usually I think relationships like this would end naturally because the senior would graduate and move away and it would fizzle out. In my case, though, she is from the town where my college is located and we have managed to continue to see each other. Things went pretty well until our first summer vacation apart. When I came back at the end of the summer I broke up with her because we hadn't talked much and didn't really have a connection. We decided to get back together and work it out though, because we both really still liked each other. The next semester of school went smoothly, though some things started getting in the way of our relationship, mainly that it was difficult to see her because though she was close by she still have to drive like 25 minutes to see me. It was hard for me to balance my school work and other friendships with spending time with her. On top of those things some major life style differences started coming up. I'm a planner and extremely driven and she is content letting life just come at her. I'm really into eating healthy food and she isn't... I'm more introverted whereas she is super social. After winter break I decided to break up with her again. We were apart for like a month, but we weren't really able to stay apart from one another. I completely broke her heart and she practically begged me to spend time with her. I really missed her, because there are parts of our relationship that are really good, and I agreed to try to work things out and be more open to communication and honesty in our relationship. Things went pretty well after that, though I felt enormously guilty for everything I had put her through... Then towards the end of the semester I really started doubting the relationship all over again. I wasn't really attracted to her for some reason and I didn't know how to have a conversation about that (or if that's something I even should do)... and I was really fed up with her lack of motivation to change her life situation. She had a job that was really soul-sucking, and she didn't take the initiative to change her situation by looking for another job. Those sort of situations have been a continuous point of tension in our relationship and she has been seeing a counselor for depression symptoms, but at the end of the day it really drives me up the wall. I try not to ask about it too much though, because I don't want to nag. Currently I am on summer vacation and am trying to decide again if I should end the relationship. She really is my best friend, someone I can turn to with anything... It's clear though that she does not want to have a friendship with me... it's a relationship or nothing. I guess that's just something that I have to accept. The hard part is that I've felt really isolated from people at my college because I have been spending my weekends with her. I'm scared to go back and have to face being lonely for awhile. I'm worried though that my college experience is turning into something I don't want it to be, because I am dating her. I really want to have good friends and memories with many people. I'm scared to break up with her again because I'm worried that I will regret it or that I won't be able to follow through with it like before. She is coming to visit me in a week and I'm anxious about it. I don't know what to do! I've been having all of these feelings and I've been communicating everything except that I'm thinking of ending the relationship. I know people break up all of the time, but this being my first relationship it feels like the biggest deal in the world. I am just going to have an open mind and see how the visit goes. If I decide to break up with her i'd like to do it over the summer though, because I want to give myself a chance to heal and start the school year fresh. If after I reflect on the visit I decide to break up with her is it really horrible to do it over Skype? I won't be able to see her in person until the beginning of the school year (currently we're a plane ride away) and it would be ridiculous to wait that long. I would really love any advice! Is staying in this relationship a good idea? Will I be able to recover if we break up and find good friends in college? (I know these questions don't really have answers, but maybe you have been in a similar experience and can share your wisdom.) Thanks!
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Breaking up by skype... don't know I am not a fan of that. I think she needs to hear it from you directly. If she is a good person as you say then she at least deserves you to talk to her face to face. This is your first relationship there will be more so don't be afraid. You are already seeing differences between you. My girlfriend and I (i'm a boy) have always had these differences. I am an introvert as well and I was never super social but I respected my friends and my privacy and time. She didn't she thought I wasn't spending enough time with her and such. Now that we broke up she may have been right but we had similar differences like you guys. You are already not feeling attracted to her so your body is telling you something. Perhaps the feeling of being scared and clinging to this person afraid not to find someone else is what drives you to be with her now. If you are already thinking of ending it then this feeling won't go away. The stone already began rolling down the hill. Eventually it will reach a boiling point where you may end up at even worse terms (like me and my ex ). You will recover of course. Everybody does it just takes time. It may hurt like a bitch though so know this. Don't be scared however of the feeling it means you grow! Nobody said finding your happiness will be a walk in the park...
Author jellyfish13 Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 Thank you so much for your response! I really appreciate it. It's hard to trust what I'm feeling, but I will move forward with as much respect for both of us as possible. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 So many of the posts on Love Shack have a clear preference or a clear better idea (in the way of an answer/alternative)... but YOUR question/concern is so unique to you, that it would be wrong for most of us to nudge you in one direction or another. There are parallels to your story and that of somebody I have known and admired for a long while, but there were added questions of sexuality and sexual preference to be determined and/or settled in that case. This is surely yours to decide, but let me at least try to assist your thinking in another way (by asking a question rather than my pretending to have an answer ) : During and because of this relationship, (what) are you learning about yourself in the process???
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