matt1221 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 ever like another guy? I have had a huge crush on this girl for a long time and never asked her out. I put it off and figured I'd run into her and it never came.. She met somebody else and they're dating. I saw her over the 4th of July when her boyfriend was out with his own friends. I knew going into the night that she had a boyfriend so I wasn't going to do anything stupid other than some drinking and a little flirting. Before they starting dating, i thought she may be interested in me a little bit. I have caught her checking me out in the past and I think I caught her checking me out a few times when we hit the dance floor. I started dancing with some other girl and eventually made my way over to her. We started dancing and she slapped my @ss at one point. Girls have always found me attractive and I peaked the interest of a few other girls that night, but after I started drinking I felt like flirting with her and eventually bought her a drink. Is it possible? Also, no need to tell me that I should have asked her out long ago.. I already know I screwed up! I try to make her a laugh a lot and do a pretty good job of that.
zarb Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Of course it is. How do you think cheating happens? Or leaving your partner for another man/woman? Just because you are monogamous does not mean your eyes never wander. You sound young.
Author matt1221 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 should my next move be if I see her out... Leave her alone? flirt with her? Tell her I like her?
longjohn Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 We only live once (well I hope we do, I'm not doing this crap again) ask her out see what happens. But if she says yes, things fall into place and you end up with her. Keep in mind if she did that to him she could do it to you. Unless of course she really wanted you all along and got with him since you weren't around but that's a fairy tale and those aren't real.
d409 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 If she leaves him for you then she is just as capable of leaving you for someone else. Remember that. 1
joseb Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 should my next move be if I see her out... Leave her alone? flirt with her? Tell her I like her? Can't you find any attractive single girls? Or do you just enjoy messing with people's lives? 2
carhill Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Back in the day when rigid rules kept me perpetually on the sidelines, no way would I flirt with another man's lady. Then I watched those same ladies going off with other men, regardless of whether they were attached, married or merely dating, and discovered the truth that the battle for mates is really a war, and there are no real rules. Stay out of jail and everything else is fair game and accept the consequences of one's actions in the war. Perhaps some guys never experience that but those of us who don't naturally attract cadres of women regardless of our life and social successes learn, eventually, the harsh realities of that particular path in life. Is this particular lady worth the war and consequences? IDK. At my age, long down the road of life with numerous women and a wife, nope, it's not. A young buck will likely feel differently. Make a decision and go with it. If you get the 'I've got a boyfriend' line, smile and suggest she knows where to find you when she doesn't. Not if, when. Things are always changing. Heck, you might meet the future mother of your children tomorrow. Never know.
oldshirt Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 Back in the day when rigid rules kept me perpetually on the sidelines, no way would I flirt with another man's lady. Then I watched those same ladies going off with other men, regardless of whether they were attached, married or merely dating, and discovered the truth that the battle for mates is really a war, and there are no real rules. Stay out of jail and everything else is fair game and accept the consequences of one's actions in the war. Perhaps some guys never experience that but those of us who don't naturally attract cadres of women regardless of our life and social successes learn, eventually, the harsh realities of that particular path in life. Is this particular lady worth the war and consequences? IDK. At my age, long down the road of life with numerous women and a wife, nope, it's not. A young buck will likely feel differently. Make a decision and go with it. If you get the 'I've got a boyfriend' line, smile and suggest she knows where to find you when she doesn't. Not if, when. Things are always changing. Heck, you might meet the future mother of your children tomorrow. Never know. Totally this ^^^^^ One of the things I learned through the School Of Hard Knocks is attractive women are never completely free and clear. They are always dating someone to one degree or another at any given time. Usually if they are tiring of one suitor, they will have a few others lined up on stand-by for when she makes the jump. She will go from one to the next with very little if any down-time in between. If you aren't already warmed up on deck, it won't be you. There have been times I have had women call me up out of the blue YEARS later and ask if the offer is still open. Another thing to keep in mind is many woman will date someone just so they aren't alone and can say that they are dating someone. It's often nowhere near as serious or as committed as you may think they are. And finally, as Carhill said above, it is a war and everyone is in it to win it. Women will always strive to get the best that she can. If she is dating someone and a bigger better deal comes along and makes a valid offer and she trusts the offer, she WILL go for the better candidate. It's up to you to be the bigger better deal. But if you are the BBD and you make a sound offer, you win. So my advice is if you are truly interested in someone, make your move and make your best offer. She may take you up on it. She may decline. Either way it's on her. And she may decline today but as long as you aren't a jerk about it or a whiner or crybaby about it, she may call you up weeks, months or even years later when she's bored or when her BF has treated her bad or made her feel neglected. The bottom line here is you can either suit up, put on your game face and walk out on to the field and play. Or you can sit on the sidelines and watch other people play.
oldshirt Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 If she leaves him for you then she is just as capable of leaving you for someone else. Remember that. There is an element of truth to this. There are no guarentees.....ever. People with 20 year marriages and minor children still leave their mates. Lifelong fidelity is never guaranteed. Any one that you ever date, become involved with, fall in love with, marry, have children with etc et may some day leave you for someone else. True fact. Nothing eliminates that risk. You can either suit up, walk out onto the field and play the game and take your chances. Or you can play it safe and stay in your mom's basement playing video games with your buddies. The choice is yours.
Author matt1221 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 Can't you find any attractive single girls? Or do you just enjoy messing with people's lives? There's an intelligent comment
ChickiePops Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 should my next move be if I see her out... Leave her alone? flirt with her? Tell her I like her? Your next move is to leave it alone. She has a boyfriend. 1
Justanaverageguy Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 (edited) Totally this ^^^^^ One of the things I learned through the School Of Hard Knocks is attractive women are never completely free and clear. They are always dating someone to one degree or another at any given time. Usually if they are tiring of one suitor, they will have a few others lined up on stand-by for when she makes the jump. She will go from one to the next with very little if any down-time in between. If you aren't already warmed up on deck, it won't be you. There have been times I have had women call me up out of the blue YEARS later and ask if the offer is still open. Another thing to keep in mind is many woman will date someone just so they aren't alone and can say that they are dating someone. It's often nowhere near as serious or as committed as you may think they are. And finally, as Carhill said above, it is a war and everyone is in it to win it. Women will always strive to get the best that she can. If she is dating someone and a bigger better deal comes along and makes a valid offer and she trusts the offer, she WILL go for the better candidate. It's up to you to be the bigger better deal. But if you are the BBD and you make a sound offer, you win. There is a difference between being in a serious relationship and having a few casual flings on the side or seeing someone for a month or so. I think its good to differentiate between whether someone is "dating someone else" or whether they are in a relationship with someone else. These are not the same thing. Secondly - absolutely agree dating world is a bit of a zoo. You have to bring your A game if you want to win girls. But for me bringing your A game certainly does not involve targeting girls with serious boyfriends. It may be a war but you are shooting yourself in the foot if that's who you target with your A game. Seriously aim higher. Girls who cheat with you cheat on you an if you think you're always going to be the BBD with these types of girls you are kidding yourself. Seriously you can do better then that - its bottom feeder mentality and the girls you will get with that strategy reflect that. Edited July 8, 2016 by Justanaverageguy
carhill Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 I can't speak for oldshirt but I've met very few women in life who aren't open to, well, inappropriate behavior. Even if they say they aren't. Had to add that last one when remembering the boob blast I got from one who said that. Heh At our age, most have settled in with their #1 prospect after long vetting of many and whatever dalliances achieved that goal and I doubt they'd be moved off-center unless the guy got sick or lost his financial stability. Yeah, that goes against everything I was socialized with but, like the psychologist suggested, accept the real. It is what it is. However, in the spirit of taking the moral high road, I'd suggest to the OP to take five years of following the rules and see how it works out. Stay away from, and don't even consider, women who are obviously, or profess to be, attached in any form. Approach any you find attractive but end things if attached. See where you are. That's half as long as I took to get the message but hey, give it a try.
Justanaverageguy Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 However, in the spirit of taking the moral high road, I'd suggest to the OP to take five years of following the rules and see how it works out. Stay away from, and don't even consider, women who are obviously, or profess to be, attached in any form. Approach any you find attractive but end things if attached. See where you are. That's half as long as I took to get the message but hey, give it a try. I'd suggest he simply use common sense and not see things as so ridiculously black and white. You don't have to be a priest but you also don't have to drop yourself to the lowest common denominator
Miss Peach Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 (edited) I have a BF and I get hit on by a lot of men, guys check to see if I'm available yet, etc. I'm not dead and still do find other men attractive. But at the end of the day, if I'm really committed to my BF and our relationship I will never take it past some smiling and conversation. My current BF is really awesome in how he treats me and we have a good relationship so I wouldn't want to do anything to screw that up. Even though the attention is nice, I still want my BF more than all these other guys chasing after me. I've had guys be more aggressive - tell me they like me, try to kiss me, etc. while in this relationship. I still may find them attractive but I tend to keep a good distance from those men. When I do become single, they will be last on my list because I will always wonder about their values around commitment. There are a few so ask if I'm single and then back off. I know if this relationships ends they could be candidates and I respect them for not taking anything further and respecting my current relationship. Asking if someone is single or how their relationship is going is enough of a hint for most women IMO. If I were just dating and having fun or they were not BF material, I wouldn't be offering to be exclusive or serious with those men. I've actually pissed off a few men by refusing to commit because they don't do what I require of a BF. Then I'm open to being approached. Edited July 8, 2016 by Miss Peach
smackie9 Posted July 8, 2016 Posted July 8, 2016 She is just sucking up the attention which a lot of ladies do, single or not. It doesn't means she's gonna flop on her back for you. She had her fun, then she went back home to her BF's loving arms, right where she wants to be with her ego a little fluffed up. Just because one is in a relationship doesn't mean they're dead. 2
joseb Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 However, in the spirit of taking the moral high road, I'd suggest to the OP to take five years of following the rules and see how it works out. Stay away from, and don't even consider, women who are obviously, or profess to be, attached in any form. Approach any you find attractive but end things if attached. See where you are. That's half as long as I took to get the message but hey, give it a try. I'm sure you are being facetious, but that is exactly the right thing to do. The odd time I didn't do this, it was far far more trouble than it was worth. Perhaps it took getting cheated on by my finance to realise that sometimes it's better to do the right thing than the easy thing.
joseb Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 There's an intelligent comment Maybe when you are on the receiving end of this you might think differently.
singlelife Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Just let her know you like her then if she is interested down the road she will come to you.
carhill Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I'd suggest he simply use common sense and not see things as so ridiculously black and white. You don't have to be a priest but you also don't have to drop yourself to the lowest common denominator So you're stating, specifically, that: Approach any you find attractive but end things if attached. Is devoid of common sense? I just want to be clear on that before we proceed.
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