manders_01 Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 As some of you remember, my SO and I were considering moving in together. Well, Saturday, the 18th, he moved in. We had a very busy weekend but it was so great. In the afternoon, he was lying down for a nap and I was working on a shirt and it occured to me that this was so the life I was meant to lead. I was thrilled to be in coupledom! This past weekend my best friend and I met in Chicago for her pre-bachelorette party. He knew I would be gone and that I had no intention of cancelling the weekend. I left on Thursday evening to drive up. Early Friday morning, he left. He has given me no reason at all. I am at a loss - I cannot wrap my head around why he left. I have went over and over the past week in my mind trying to come to some conclusion about what I must have done to make him leave. Myself and my closest friends who knew him all agree that there must be something else going on with the situation - in all contact we've had since he left, he has been a completely different person. It hasn't hit me at all that he's gone. I know when it does, I'm going to crash and burn. Has anyone else just been left, with no explanation at all? How did you deal? When did you realize they were really gone? Without me going into a lot of detail about our relationship, does anyone have any ideas as to why he might have left? You may come up with ones I haven't yet (moving too fast, using me, etc.).
outdated Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Sounds like cold feet to me. Moving in adds stress to a relationship that might not be visible to the naked eye, especially with your positive mindset on the whole situation- ie this is the life I'm meant to lead, etc. Without knowing more about your relationship it's hard to make a more finite point, but just the same, I think the best thing to do is to leave him alone and let him come back and explain in his own time.
ImaManDammit Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 I agree without dated. You trip and him being alone could have triggered. Now don't blame entirely on that, because this was a feeling he had probably for a while, possibly even when the decision is made to live together. Hard to tell. He holds the key to those answers.
lindya Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 What a horrible thing to happen, Manders I think it's natural to analyse events leading up to something like this in an attempt to understand. I don't doubt that he's behaving like a different person now, and my guess is he's now being cold and detached towards you. People do tend to become like that when they know they've done something particularly cruel. I suppose cutting off from your own emotions is essential at a time like that if you're to look in the mirror each morning and avoid being overwhelmed by self-contempt. If you haven't already done so, you need to gather your support network round as quickly as possible. Try not to speculate too much on why he did this. He chose to move in with you, and it was his choice to leave in this fashion - without having the gumption to talk it through with you first. I hear what outdated is saying - about allowing him to come back and explain in his own time. I think you have to measure very carefully how understanding you actually want to be about all this. Your priority must be yourself right now...and I very much doubt that listening to this guy rationalise his behaviour (and, possibly, attempt to pin the blame for it on you) will be helpful to you. Take care of yourself.
ashley83 Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Have you talked to him since he left? and asked him why.......it seems very strange, kinda immature.
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Well, Some males freak out when they only have one place to call home. Im sure he cares about you (Or did at the time) but, Some males have a certen wanderlust, if you will, and When it set in that you and him were living together he freaked, and left. I sowee
Author manders_01 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 Well, I will be chalking this experience up to the "Live and Learn" category! Unfortunately for me, I was used - and he will be receiving my Best Actor nomination for next year's Academy Award! He contacted me last night and based on his text messages and my review of his past behavior, there is no doubt in my mind. Surprisingly, I am not that upset. Sure, it sucks I don't have a boyfriend anymore, I always enjoy having a companion, but I had a little voice in my head pretty much the whole time telling me I was settling. I, of course, ignored it because I was "in love" but now it makes sense. I am just glad that he showed his true colors before the little voice had no reason to talk anymore. Anways, I just wanted to thank everyone for replying!
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