GoodOnPaper Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 She got super into me, kept trying to get close and she ended up staying the night, mostly because i suck at saying no. Why do you suck at saying no? So I assume this isn't the first woman you've had this sort of conflictedness about? Sensitive about hurting someone's feelings? Tendency to develop a sense of obligation early on? Worried about turning down an opportunity then having a dry spell? (I struggled with all three of these . . .) Something else? If you can pin down exactly what's going on in your head, maybe it will help.
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Second date went just about as expected. She ended up coming over here, i ordered sushi to be delivered. We hung around here and watched Boardwalk Empire..she had never seen it. She got super into me, kept trying to get close and she ended up staying the night, mostly because i suck at saying no. She left this morning, text me later and said she got the impression I am just not that into it. I need to let her down, but I am trying to figure out a way to do it easily...i do really like her as a person, i just can't make myself have that physical spark. Sorry OP, I don't mean to come across as harsh but this is not painting you in a very good light. You already knew this was going to end that way by the and of date 1 so why you still chose to go on a second date is a bit of a mystery, to me. Learn to say no, for other people's sake more than for yours... 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 It's not really inability to say no. He went through it because of what's in it for him. Ego boost, keeping his options open in case he doesn't meet anyone he really likes and a bit of free sex in the mix. "Inability to say no" is never as selfless as it seems, but makes you sound nicer 3
bummer Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Well she just text me a few minutes ago and told me she got me a surprise for tomorrow... What did she get you? Did you ghost her question about not being into it or have you let her down?
losangelena Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 (edited) Second date went just about as expected. She ended up coming over here, i ordered sushi to be delivered. We hung around here and watched Boardwalk Empire..she had never seen it. She got super into me, kept trying to get close and she ended up staying the night, mostly because i suck at saying no. She left this morning, text me later and said she got the impression I am just not that into it. I need to let her down, but I am trying to figure out a way to do it easily...i do really like her as a person, i just can't make myself have that physical spark. Newsflash: there is no "easy" way to do this. And with every passing interaction you're making it harder for yourself. In the opinion of this particular woman, you are acting like the worst kind of guy: "nice." Edited to wonder: how does one get "super into" to another without it being reciprocal? What does that look like? Cos anytime I am rebuffed, I shut down, I don't tend to keep trying unless it seems like the other person is into it, too. So you physically pushed her off of you and she just kept trying? Jesus, what is she, a rapist? Edited July 11, 2016 by losangelena 6
losangelena Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 I know a man who dated someone he wasn't physically attracted to for 7 years, it was his longest relationship too. She wasn't ugly, but she had a big nose and some extra weight. He framed it as being willing to "tolerate" it. Things didn't end because of looks, but after that relationship, he said the same thing you did and told himself he wouldn't date anyone he wasn't attracted to anymore. Well that's just what I want as a woman, to be "tolerated." Eff that. I want to be with someone who is INTO me. ALL of me. I don't want that niggling doubt in my head (and had it I have; it blows). 5
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Lots of judgment going on here... Let me see if I can answer these one by one. xxoo: No we did not have sex. She came over around 7, we ordered Sushi, talked for a bit on the couch while we waited on food. Food came, we watched some shows. We went to the bedroom to be more comfortable, laid in bed...watched some more shows. She was falling asleep, she asked if I midnded if she stayed the night. I said no, that was fine. I made it clear to her early that I didn't want to have sex that soon in our relationship, that I would prefer to get to know each other first. She commented on it a few times, kind of teasing me...like she would absolutely have sex with me, but knows I didn't want to...that was that. She woke up early to go, I talked to her for a bit, she left. Gaeta: I basically did this later on Sunday. told her that I really did like her, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. I was honest and said that I loved getting to know her and I really enjoyed talking to her, but I just wasn't sure that I could get there romantically. GoodonPaper: I think I suck at saying no because I hate letting people down. It is obviously counterproductive, but I am not perfect. PrettyEmily: I actually felt like maybe I rushed to judgement on date 1 and I found myself still questioning if I could get there or not. I chose to have date 2 because I felt like maybe I could. I wasn't leading anyone on. Aside from agreeing to let her spend the night, I was very forthright in how I felt. Eternal Sunshine: So what was in it for me? Clue me in...it cost me 58 dollars in Sushi and a very uncomfortable night sleep on the edge of my bed (she sleeps like an octopus). How did I benefit from this? bummer: She got me a really old map of prohibition texas. I am a history buff and she was being thoughtful. It was really cool actually. Losangelena: She is very forward about kissing me and being physical with me. I reciprocated, but she could tell I wasn't totally into it. I made up an excuse of not feeling well.
Jabron1 Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Oh, come on man! Who do you think you are talking to? If you wanted her, her ankles would be over her head already. Come on, mate. Let her go. 3
clia Posted July 11, 2016 Posted July 11, 2016 Maybe you should invest in a more comfortable couch. I mean, why take her in the bedroom? 2
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted July 11, 2016 Author Posted July 11, 2016 Maybe you should invest in a more comfortable couch. I mean, why take her in the bedroom? You're quite right, maybe I should.
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