Physical Attraction

[tinkerbell16]

I had always dates super fit sexy men. I was used to date and go out with body builders, men 10 years younger drop-dead gorgeous, name it. It did not bring me a good connection and a good relationship. I would never trade what I have now for a pair of muscled biceps.

 

If you want to date hot, then go ahead and date hot. Maybe you need to get it out of your system like I did. Then once you've been around enough hot chicks you'll want something with more depth.

 

 

Hot chick's can have depth... these are not mutually exclusive traits

 

sorry just realized another poster said the same basically lol

Edited July 7, 2016 by tinkerbell16

[Maggie888]

Ok well first of all who is the baby daddy and is that going to be an issue? Secondly its is possible she is still losing the baby weight. It is also likely she would never lose the baby weighy.

 

I think a 4 is too low for a long term relationship really. Unless you are a 4 yourself.

[BaileyB]

When I met the guy I'm dating now, I thought he was ok looking but it was more obvious that we had so much in common. He asked me out again and I went - interested to see what would happen. I did not like him at all the first time we went out... He was anxious and it felt like a screening interview. My friends encouraged me to go out with him again. I laugh, because I guess I passed the first screening test because the second date was so much more relaxed and so much more fun. But, I still wasn't sure if I was really attracted to him. We spent more time together... And it became just so obvious that we had so much in common and had so much fun! I love the way we laugh together and the way he teases me... I love how kind he is to me and how safe he makes me feel. I look at him now through different eyes... Yeah, he has some extra weight around the middle and a little bit of a double chin... But so do I;). As I get older, I think it matters more that I find him interesting, fun, and kind... The physical doesn't matter as much. Now when I look at him, I think he's one of the most attractive people I've met.

 

It's all a matter of perspective. Give it time. See what happens. Be open to finding her other qualities just as attractive as her physical beauty. All the best!

[LookAtThisPOst]

I told my story a couple of times on here but here it is again just for you.

 

When I met my boyfriend I didn't feel attraction like I was used to. When he came in a little voice in me said 'nope'. He was very tall and I don't need that tall I am just 5'3'' and he was beyond thin. He is 6'2'' and 175-lbs. You get the picture. So I went through the motion and did the coffee date. When I left I told myself I'd sent him a text thank you and good luck.

 

Then he stayed in my mind. He had felt genuine to me and it had been a long time since I had met a genuine gentleman. He invited me on a 2nd date and I decided to give him another try.

 

Second date I see him walking toward me and I am thinking...not bad at all, he's well dressed, well groomed, he opened doors, payed, always showed me the way, was extra careful with me. I was like hhhmmmm I could live with that.

 

Third date comes around and what do you know! I liked his humor, his smile, I'd look at him and think 'that's a good looking man!' why I didn't see that on our first date!! More I looked at him more I found him sexy and desirable. Eventually we slept together and I was completely sold. Now he is the nicest, sexiest in my eyes.

 

And one thing lead to another one and here we are 8 months later in one of the best most fulfilling relationship I had in many years.

 

Good thing that worked in your favor!

 

I knew a woman that married and had a kid with a man that she said she was never physically attracted to, he was nice and sweet though.

 

The marriage didn't last long, but she got a kid out of it at least.

 

I often wonder how that honeymoon went, did she just tolerate seeing him naked or kept the lights off?

 

I've read accounts on this site regarding women TRYING to see past the looks because he was great otherwise, but they couldn't get past it.

[Gaeta]

Good thing that worked in your favor!

 

I knew a woman that married and had a kid with a man that she said she was never physically attracted to, he was nice and sweet though.

 

The marriage didn't last long, but she got a kid out of it at least.

 

I often wonder how that honeymoon went, did she just tolerate seeing him naked or kept the lights off?

 

I've read accounts on this site regarding women TRYING to see past the looks because he was great otherwise, but they couldn't get past it.

 

Your lady friend tested the system way too long lol

 

I don't advocate dating someone that does not turn your blood but if there is something cute about someone, any type of interest, then at least give it 2-3 dates. If attraction has not grown after 3rd date and you keep going then you are misleading the other person.

[WhirlwindGuy]

WwG you are ahead of yourself. You won't break her heart by giving this a second or 3rd date. We all know in the world of online the first 3 dates are freebees.

 

Well typically I would agree, but she has already made comments about canceling other dates with people and really liking me, and not wanting to bother with anyone else.

 

 

I told her that was flattering, but that she didn't have to do that. I don't think she is used to dating, and hasn't been doing it long.

 

 

She comes from a very wealthy family, I don't think she really even needs to work if she doesn't want to. She does though, and she owns a couple of businesses, mostly based in her families line of work. She has talked about taking me on trips, gifts, etc. All sounds really awesome obviously, but I don't want her to get too wrapped up too fast, and I don't want to lead her on. I don't really need all of that, and it is not at all why I am interested, but I think she wants to do things for me already...I am trying to slow her down a little. Just as an example, her purse got stolen a couple of days ago...it was nothing for her to go out and get another LV bag the next day...She isn't really materialistic (not that I can tell) its just something she is used to, she doesn't really see it as a luxury. I guess if you grew up that way, its just normal. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she brought me a gift like that the next time I see her, that's just what she does apparently. I don't want that to happen.

 

 

We are supposed to go out Saturday, I have found myself thinking about her a lot the past couple of days. I do like her already, I guess I just need to see how Saturday goes.

Edited July 8, 2016 by WhirlwindGuy

[Gaeta]

 

. She has talked about taking me on trips, gifts, etc.

.

 

This little bit is worrisome to me. This was a 1st date and already she is talking of spending money on you. I see this as her being used to buying affection. She is probably not aware of it, probably it's how she grew up, and probably that is how she behaved in her past relationship too.

 

I am glad you are giving her a 2nd date.

 

Yes she sounds involved too much already but that one is on her. Normal balanced people don't throw themselves off a bridge for being rejected after a 2nd date.

 

If after 2nd date she is way to ahead and is making marriage plans, you know what to do :-)

[Jabron1]

Let's be real here. You are dating well below your league, and can do a lot better.

 

I think this will probably end in tears.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Good thing that worked in your favor!

 

I knew a woman that married and had a kid with a man that she said she was never physically attracted to, he was nice and sweet though.

 

The marriage didn't last long, but she got a kid out of it at least.

 

I often wonder how that honeymoon went, did she just tolerate seeing him naked or kept the lights off?

 

I've read accounts on this site regarding women TRYING to see past the looks because he was great otherwise, but they couldn't get past it.

 

Attraction beyond just the physical doesn't happen for everyone. And you can't force attraction for heaven's sake.

 

I mean, yes physically they might not be your ideal but there has to be something appealing about them that leaves the door open with the possibility of something sticking. If not, move on.

 

No one is saying you can easily fall head over heels in love with some morbidly obese shut-in living in their parent's basement surrounded by comic books, fetish porn and an army of cats

 

Let's get real.

[Larryville]

We met and I felt a bit deflated. She wasn't what I expected...kind of cute, but bigger than I typically like...just didn't have that initial physical attraction.

 

Basically the problem is I told myself when I started dating that I wanted to be with someone relatively fit...they don't have to be a gym rat...im not a gym rat...but I cant do unhealthy...I was unhealthy for years, as was my ex wife, and I made a huge commitment to change that and I have done well. I wanted someone with that same mindset...

 

So what to do? looks can be changed, her personality and character is amazing...and the more I talk to her the more I like it...Im conflicted I guess.

 

Gut reaction to what you wrote, you are settling and settling never turns out good…

 

When I met my boyfriend I didn't feel attraction like I was used to. When he came in a little voice in me said 'nope'. He was very tall and I don't need that tall I am just 5'3'' and he was beyond thin. He is 6'2'' and 175-lbs. You get the picture. So I went through the motion and did the coffee date. When I left I told myself I'd sent him a text thank you and good luck.

 

Like Gaeta, I too have found myself on many occasions falling hard for men who wouldn't have normally registered on my radar physically speaking.

 

Women are far better at this than guys, how you are wired, what is more important to women for the most part is how a given man makes her “feel”

 

I'd give it another date. Maybe she will grow on you.

 

Settling…

 

Currently my thought is that she has a bit of a belly,

 

She may not want to lose weight, or may not be capable of it. For whatever reason. You cant go in on the expectation she is going to lose weight in the near future.

 

She has talked about taking me on trips, gifts, etc.

 

This little bit is worrisome to me. This was a 1st date and already she is talking of spending money on you.

 

The thing is if you settle after the luster has worn off the relationship (assuming it turns into one) you will be playing back these things in your head and you will regretting the time you wasted (and her time too) as I said settling and you eventually will ghost.

 

She is already showing signs of lack of self-esteem and nothing is as unsexy as a woman’s lack of self-esteem and confidence.

[PrettyEmily77]

I do like her already, I guess I just need to see how Saturday goes.

 

 

When you force yourself or circumvent something you wouldn't normally do because everything else is fine (for now), you are doing yourself (and the lady) a massive injustice.

 

The physical attraction part is the very last hurdle I would normally consider (for a LTR); this means I already know the guy pretty well before I get to ponder that bit, so I'm attracted to aspects of his character or personality.

 

But I would still not compromise, even if the guy ticked every other box up until that point, because that matters to me as equally as the rest; not more, but not less.

 

Make of that what you will, but please consider avoiding potentially getting someone's hopes up or wasting their time when you already know, deep down, this isn't going to happen.

 

You can talk yourself into being physically attracted to someone for a bit, but from both experience and observation, these relationships don't work in the long run because after a while, when things start to go south as they invariably do, you suddenly remember that actually, you weren't physically attracted to them in the first place.

[SevenCity]

Attraction is a funny thing. I've seen girls who were "hot" and would not have anything to do with them after speaking with them. I've dated girls who were hot who became very ugly after being in a RL with them.

 

My ex wife had weight issues (among other non-compatibility issues between us). I used to watch this Costco size container of jelly beans slowly get lower until it was gone. I found it disgusting. When she worked out she trained for strength so it was muscle under the fat - it sickened me. No amount of me being delicate did the trick to her loosing weight.

 

I've always liked thin girls and I found you are better off sticking with what you like when it comes to weight. My recent ex was / is very thin. She was not the hottest girl I've dated (by a long shot) but as we grew closer she became the most attractive woman I have ever seen. As we are going though this breakup and I'm loosing the hope of reconciliation my attraction is starting to wane and I'm starting to see the flaws in her that I ignored initially.

 

Point is, looks are only one component but deal breaker stuff can bother you throughout.

 

That, and this is probably the best she will ever look. People tend to get fatter / uglier with age.

 

But I second the thoughts here and say give it another shot and see how you feel.

[SevenCity]

 

She is already showing signs of lack of self-esteem and nothing is as unsexy as a woman’s lack of self-esteem and confidence.

 

I see this statement all the time and believe it is 100% true for women when looking at men. I myself tend to find this quality endearing and very attractive.

 

I'm not attracted at all to women who are so brimming with confidence that they are posting themselves online showing how hot they are.

 

That said, the feelings of jealousy and insecurity in a RL can be difficult.

 

Perhaps I'm an odd duck.

[Larryville]

She is already showing signs of lack of self-esteem and nothing is as unsexy as a woman’s lack of self-esteem and confidence.

 

I see this statement all the time and believe it is 100% true for women when looking at men. I myself tend to find this quality endearing and very attractive.

 

I'm not attracted at all to women who are so brimming with confidence that they are posting themselves online showing how hot they are.

 

Oh SC I think you misunderstand me. The confidence I am talking about is NOT the narcissistic, selfie taking, constant Facebook posting types screaming for attention or validation. You can tell these types on dating profiles. Someone who greets and engages you not full of angst, someone who can smile and can just be cool with life.

 

The confidence I am talking about is a quiet self-assurance in yourself and who you are as a person. Does that person like what they see in the mirror?

 

There is nothing sexy about an ignorant self-absorbed individual.

 

These are usually the “very hot” women you see on dating sites forever. As hot as they might be can’t seem to find the right dude anywhere.

There are NO dudes who are financially secure, good looking, smart engaging, respectful, honest? Anywhere!? On the planet?!

 

Having said that (is not targeted at you) a lot of men, like the frail, unconfident types because they can control these type of women. A woman with low self-esteem have fewer options and tolerate more BS from dudes.

[WhirlwindGuy]

This little bit is worrisome to me. This was a 1st date and already she is talking of spending money on you. I see this as her being used to buying affection. She is probably not aware of it, probably it's how she grew up, and probably that is how she behaved in her past relationship too.

 

I am glad you are giving her a 2nd date.

 

Yes she sounds involved too much already but that one is on her. Normal balanced people don't throw themselves off a bridge for being rejected after a 2nd date.

 

If after 2nd date she is way to ahead and is making marriage plans, you know what to do :-)

 

Well she just text me a few minutes ago and told me she got me a surprise for tomorrow...

 

Im afraid to know what it is...i mentioned (before i knew she was wealthy) that i had been wanting to buy a watch lately. She asked me why i hadn't, and i just said that I can be cheap when it comes to things that aren't really a necessity.

 

I have a fear that she is going to show up with some Breitling or Rolex...

[SevenCity]

Oh SC I think you misunderstand me. The confidence I am talking about is NOT the narcissistic, selfie taking, constant Facebook posting types screaming for attention or validation. You can tell these types on dating profiles. Someone who greets and engages you not full of angst, someone who can smile and can just be cool with life.

 

The confidence I am talking about is a quiet self-assurance in yourself and who you are as a person. Does that person like what they see in the mirror?

 

There is nothing sexy about an ignorant self-absorbed individual.

 

These are usually the “very hot” women you see on dating sites forever. As hot as they might be can’t seem to find the right dude anywhere.

There are NO dudes who are financially secure, good looking, smart engaging, respectful, honest? Anywhere!? On the planet?!

 

Having said that (is not targeted at you) a lot of men, like the frail, unconfident types because they can control these type of women. A woman with low self-esteem have fewer options and tolerate more BS from dudes.

 

Well I have to admit I fall a bit in the target

 

My preference has been a woman who can live her life with confidence but is nervous when we are first together and at times in the RL. I'm aggressive / dominating sexually and having a submissive partner compliments that very well.

 

I'm not the type of guy of "don't do this, don't go here, don't go there" but I am the type of guy a woman realizes is in control. She doesn't have to worry about anything when she's with me - I'll handle whatever comes our way.

 

Nothing makes me more excited when I see the look in a woman's eyes of "I can't live without you".

 

To have a girl trembling when we have our first kiss is awesome. It let's me know she doesn't do this all the time and that it is a big deal for her.

 

Unfortunately, this is often bundled with jealousy and insecurity so perhaps I have to see if I can find a happy medium.

 

Sorry if I come off as a psycho but just being honest.

[Larryville]

Nothing makes me more excited when I see the look in a woman's eyes of "I can't live without you".

 

Well SC different strokes for different folks…

 

Maybe I’m more in tuned with that old school behavior was because my dad was that way. Lots of old dudes wanted their women to be dumb and in the dark.

 

My mom was kinda bullied by my dad (I knew deep down he loved her) but he never totally respected her. My mom was gorgeous, smart (Valedictorian of her class in college, Dad finished second) I always believed he resented that.

 

Anywho was not until my mom decided to leave his chauvinistic @$$ he realized that being a jerk was not cool to successful relationships.

 

Another result for me raising daughters and having a bunch of granddaughters is I raised them not to tolerate $#It from dudes and to always hold their heads high no matter what.

 

Bottom line why I have a heighten sense of dudes behaviors towards women and why I personally just can’t date woman who is weak and frail mentally and emotionally, and I grind my teeth here anytime I read threads where women second guess themselves not knowing how to recognize if a dude is acting like a jackass. A woman in tuned with herself and her mindset knows immediately. Goes to the self-confidence I talked about earlier.

[RecentChange]

I'm not attracted at all to women who are so brimming with confidence that they are posting themselves online showing how hot they are.

 

As others pointed out - this actually ins't a sign of confidence at all - but rather a sign of insecurity. A constant needing of outside validation because deep down, they do not really think they are "all that" - they need someone else to tell them they are.

 

To have a girl trembling when we have our first kiss is awesome. It let's me know she doesn't do this all the time and that it is a big deal for her.

 

Unfortunately, this is often bundled with jealousy and insecurity so perhaps I have to see if I can find a happy medium.

 

And I don't know that this is a sign of a lack of confidence, but more of a sign of a lack of experience. I think someone can be very comfortable in their own skin, but still get nervous about sexual contact.

 

Personally - I enjoy being confident and secure in my skin, and in the bedroom Same goes for what I like in a man.

 

I'm aggressive / dominating sexually and having a submissive partner compliments that very well.

 

And a man so confident and masculine that he can push a confident / assertive woman like myself into submission

Edited July 8, 2016 by RecentChange

[OnlyHonesty]

Maybe she will grow on you.

 

I believe that's what he was concerned about.

[joseb]

I honestly find some chunkier girls very attractive. It just has to be proportional I guess.

 

I'd say looks wise, on my scale, she would be a 4. There are certain things that she does though, it's hard to explain, smile, laugh, etc. that turn that 4 into a 6. It's adorable.

 

She sent me pictures of her from a few years back and she was thinner and I think she is extremely cute.

 

One thing I failed to mention too, she is in remission from having ovarian cancer...during chemo she got pregnant with her son who is now 10 months old... So she has been through the mill the past couple of years.

 

Well, if you really think she is a '4' then you are saying she isnt even averagely attractive. Most of the women walking down the street you consdider more attractive. So I can't see how you would even consider it tbh.

 

Don't expect her to look like she did years ago, that is not going to happen.

 

And don't pity date her for gods sake.

 

And how do you feel about being a step-dad?

[bummer]

https://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&tbs=rimg%3ACbM9WXdUnP-DIkAedTdS-uAwRKA6IadBC2_1yPoIR2Cwoyjxjg3NadxxinxbblOTZpgCsL-NXrAmdapCXMV9y8K1wlbQZ6MUWCVM5KhIJHnU3UvrgMEQRpa2z5OE549oqEgmgOiGnQQtv8hFCTvhy-WwJPCoSCT6CEdgsKMo8EavHk8O1jVf3KhIJY4NzWnccYp8RxfOIvsG6yU8qEgkW25Tk2aYArBFOdGKU_1Q928yoSCS_1jV6wJnWqQEQOFHBeHMFpcKhIJlzFfcvCtcJURzJSotCylxG8qEgm0GejFFglTORHKhh30gVHy0Q%3D%3D&q=excited%20tomorrow%20meme&client=ms-android-samsung&bih=452&biw=320&ved=0ahUKEwjwyPfByOXNAhWB5oMKHWPsAgMQuIIBCAM#imgrc=c-6e8XZPCLOS4M%3A

 

Hoping the story is better than the Stephanies.

[toastytiger]

I know a man who dated someone he wasn't physically attracted to for 7 years, it was his longest relationship too. She wasn't ugly, but she had a big nose and some extra weight. He framed it as being willing to "tolerate" it. Things didn't end because of looks, but after that relationship, he said the same thing you did and told himself he wouldn't date anyone he wasn't attracted to anymore.

 

A second date sounds fine, no big deal. Don't settle though.

I think without a decent amount of physical attraction, it turns into a friendship.

Physical chemistry is important. How do you feel when you hug her?

 

Speaking as a woman, being physically attracted to a man is required for me. Visually and chemistry-wise. I also have a high sex drive, so that may play a part in it. (it's also true that personality can increase someone's attractiveness)

Edited July 9, 2016 by toastytiger

[WhirlwindGuy]

I know a man who dated someone he wasn't physically attracted to for 7 years, it was his longest relationship too. She wasn't ugly, but she had a big nose and some extra weight. He framed it as being willing to "tolerate" it. Things didn't end because of looks, but after that relationship, he said the same thing you did and told himself he wouldn't date anyone he wasn't attracted to anymore.

 

A second date sounds fine, no big deal. Don't settle though.

I think without a decent amount of physical attraction, it turns into a friendship.

Physical chemistry is important. How do you feel when you hug her?

 

Speaking as a woman, being physically attracted to a man is required for me. Visually and chemistry-wise. I also have a high sex drive, so that may play a part in it. (it's also true that personality can increase someone's attractiveness)

 

 

Second date went just about as expected. She ended up coming over here, i ordered sushi to be delivered. We hung around here and watched Boardwalk Empire..she had never seen it.

 

She got super into me, kept trying to get close and she ended up staying the night, mostly because i suck at saying no.

 

She left this morning, text me later and said she got the impression I am just not that into it.

 

I need to let her down, but I am trying to figure out a way to do it easily...i do really like her as a person, i just can't make myself have that physical spark.

[xxoo]

 

She got super into me, kept trying to get close and she ended up staying the night, mostly because i suck at saying no.

 

Reading between the lines....

 

Did you have sex with her because you suck at saying no?

[Gaeta]

to do it easily...i do really like her as a person, i just can't make myself have that physical spark.

 

Say it as it is. I liked meeting you, you're fun and interesting but I don't feel the chemistry needed for a romantic relationship.