d'Arthez Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 To get a bit off topic, things and people are only mysterious if you can't comprehend them. The more easily you discern their ways and motives, the less mysterious they are.
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez To get a bit off topic, things and people are only mysterious if you can't comprehend them. The more easily you discern their ways and motives, the less mysterious they are. I belive this to be true. I also believe we shroud ourselves in mystery, as far as relationships are concerned, for defensive purposes, because exposure can kill, especially when you give your heart to someone and they stick a knife in it. You just don't want to give it to anyone. Hence the little mind games and such. Irrational, yes, but everyone is guilty, unless you don't have a heart to begin with.
scared shy Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 westernxer I also believe we shroud ourselves in mystery, as far as relationships are concerned, for defensive purposes, because exposure can kill, especially when you give your heart to someone and they stick a knife in it. You just don't want to give it to anyone. Hence the little mind games and such. Irrational, yes, but everyone is guilty, unless you don't have a heart to begin with. OK, but after you do finally decide you want to be with this person, give them your heart and what have you, do you really want someone to keep up the "mystery"? At that point the games should theoretically stop, right?
lindya Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I also believe we shroud ourselves in mystery, as far as relationships are concerned, for defensive purposes, because exposure can kill, especially when you give your heart to someone and they stick a knife in it. You just don't want to give it to anyone. Agreed to a certain extent - but one of the problems in those self-preservation techniques is that you start attracting people who are mainly in it for the challenge. People can be the most incredible actors when they're intent on the business of worming their way into your well-guarded heart. Then again I guess that once your heart's had a knife stuck in it once, even the oscar-worthy performers become a lot easier to spot.
alphamale Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by scared*shy OK, but after you do finally decide you want to be with this person, give them your heart and what have you, do you really want someone to keep up the "mystery"? At that point the games should theoretically stop, right? There should always be some level of mystery and intrigue in the relationship for it to survive long-term. It is not necessary or advisable to show 100% of yourslef and your secrets to your partner.
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by scared*shy OK, but after you do finally decide you want to be with this person, give them your heart and what have you, do you really want someone to keep up the "mystery"? At that point the games should theoretically stop, right? LoveShack would be an empty place if the games were to stop. Seriously, though, I guess you'd want the person you were with to feel comfortable in opening up to you as you would to them. Problem is, obstacles get in the way. I can see this leading to a philosophical discussion about the nature of love and human desire... that's d'Arthez's realm, not mine. Besides, my brain is about to shut down (not enough sleep).
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Then again I guess that once your heart's had a knife stuck in it once, even the oscar-worthy performers become a lot easier to spot. You know what they say, experience is the best teacher.
Author newbby Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 Personally i believe it is basic human nature to be intrigued by the mysterious and unexplained. Why are people fascianted with God and spritituality and the JFK assasination and UFOs?? Most peoples lives are fairly boring and hum drum and many seek out excitement and mystery. Art is mysterious, life is mysterious, people are mysterious. Come on lets get real here. i agree and.... OK, but after you do finally decide you want to be with this person, give them your heart and what have you, do you really want someone to keep up the "mystery"? At that point the games should theoretically stop, right? yes once a desire for a deeper bond is there, and then you have the excitment of really getting to know that person
moimeme Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 so moimeme, do you always go for the guy that states his feelings fairly quickly? Is that your definition of 'mystery'? If a guy has 'feelings' beyond liking me early on, then I want to hear about it because it shows that he doesn't understand that you don't 'fall in love' that soon. However if he likes me, great. I far prefer honesty to stupid games. i dont think there was any need to insult anyone moimeme How on earth did you read insult into what I wrote???? Well maybe, but I wouldn't have taken it as an insult, I think her opinion is delightful and usually nails it right on the head... Thanks, SS! Besides, what kind of emotional intimacy can be achieved with such a woman? Zero, nada, zip Exactly! People fear emotional intimacy. Some will never allow it to happen. It's 'commitment phobia' of a different sort, IMHO. Sure, it's scary to be vulnerable to someone else and to trust that person but that's the only way to real love and true passion. I think the greatest thing in life is to have that connection with someone when you finally do know them and you can complete their sentences, know what they are thinking yada yada yada... how can you have that if you/they are mysterious? Agree completely. Seriously, though, I guess you'd want the person you were with to feel comfortable in opening up to you as you would to That's just it exactly. Emotional intimacy is tremendously rewarding but of course it takes trust. 'Mystery' is the enemy of emotional intimacy IMHO. I want to be loved because I'm known, not because someone suspects there's some Mata Hari exotic secret life about me. If ya want 'mystery' go find yourself a CIA person to mess around with
scared shy Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 That's just it exactly. Emotional intimacy is tremendously rewarding but of course it takes trust. 'Mystery' is the enemy of emotional intimacy IMHO. I want to be loved because I'm known, not because someone suspects there's some Mata Hari exotic secret life about me. If ya want 'mystery' go find yourself a CIA person to mess around with I concur completely!!
Craig Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Most peoples lives are fairly boring and hum drum and many seek out excitement and mystery. But people are not boring if they are willing to BE themselves. There is nothing at all boring in being oneself with someone who is being themself (provided the two people are compatible in general.)
Author newbby Posted June 29, 2005 Author Posted June 29, 2005 i think the discussion was leaning more towards the idea that being mysterious as far as feelings are concerned creates less pressure on the other person. moimeme raised the point that if somebody states their feelings prematurely it also doesnt allow trust to build i.e you cannot believe in those feelings that happen overnight. and less that it makes one a more interesting person to be mysterious
lindya Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 When it's obvious that a person's making a concentrated effort to develop an air of mystery, then that's either tedious or funny depending on the circumstances. Some people have a reserve about them that I like, so long as it's combined with other qualities like wit and kindness. You could call those people mysterious, but I tend to think of them as self-contained
westernxer Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by lindya When it's obvious that a person's making a concentrated effort to develop an air of mystery, then that's either tedious or funny depending on the circumstances. We call that the "L.A. thing" where I live. This place is full of posers, even though it's my home.
lindya Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer We call that the "L.A. thing" where I live. This place is full of posers, even though it's my home. I know - been there twice, and a picture of the gym at Venice Beach stays with me to this day. Anyway, your fellow city dwellers were all very charming and friendly - even when I was holding them up from their next appointment with the mirror (joking )
westernxer Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by lindya I know - been there twice, and a picture of the gym at Venice Beach stays with me to this day. Anyway, your fellow city dwellers were all very charming and friendly - even when I was holding them up from their next appointment with the mirror (joking )
Craig Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by lindya When it's obvious that a person's making a concentrated effort to develop an air of mystery, then that's either tedious or funny depending on the circumstances. Shameless deception popped into my mind.
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