bonezuk Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 As a software engineer I find that my choice of profession is a real stumbling block when it comes to trying to ask a girl out on date. Usually the obvious question of “What do you do for a living?” comes up when I am trying to chat a girl up and I of course answer that I am software engineer. That is when I usually find the conversation takes a turn and all her body language and actions will say “I have no interested in you now”. I have found that I usually get a much more positive response if I say I am unemployed and sitting on the dole. Personally it is quite hurtful to know that you stand a better chance of getting a date by lying and degrading yourself by pretending to be an unemployable bum rather than a highly educated professional. The only reason I can think off is the image of the stereotypical computer nerd might pop into her mind and scare her off. But in all fairness I certainly have never “acted” the part of the nerd. So any suggestions anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Opium Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 What kind of woman are you dating?? I would be very pleased to know I'm dating someone with a degree and a job at least, woman I tell you, I'm one and I don't understand them sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Ever look at the programmers around you? This is why girls don't like them. Might want to re-invent yourself a bit... become a little more rock n' roll, upgrade your wardrobe, etc. Then play with their heads when they ask what you do -- make them guess and show a sense of humor about it. Chicks love this sort of stuff... it shows you've got personality on top of that large brain society depends on. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 If a gal blows you off just because of your profession is that really a person you want to spend time with anyway? You should be proud of what you do for a living, not apologize for it. If women have stereotypes of you then you need to show them that you are not stereotypical. Be bold and confident and don't lie or deceive. I would say that you need to hang around professional women who appreciate a professional man. They are wanting to meet a guy as yourself. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I don't think that's true at all. Every computer programmer I've met has been a slightly maverick, subversive type - which isn't at all geeky! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Heh, I dont hate programmers, cos I'm one myself But if a girl turns you down because of your job, then thank your blessings. She's obviously very shallow and stupid. If she was shallow and smart, she'd know you had money to spend on her and give you the time of day lol Either case, she's shallow and you shouldnt want her Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Ever look at the programmers around you? The programmers tend to be the hardcore geeks. I've worked in IT for 15 yrs but I'm a business analyst who happens to work with financial software. I need people skills and computer skills. This is why girls don't like them. Sadly, there is some truth to the stereotype of programmers.... Might want to re-invent yourself a bit... Or "re-engineer" Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I married a programmer and software dev! I think it is partly the stereotype - the assumption that being a programmer means that you will share less than 5% of interests with a non-programmer/non-technical person. A good deal of Mr. B's friends are programmers/software devs - ranging from the stereotypical 'completely lacks social skills' types to the 'incredibly hot guy' types - and they all have problems in the dating department. I find that they tend to have a few things in common: a certain distance they put between themselves and others - some sort of faintly cold logic, they all are into gaming - either programming them or playing them, they tend to have very quirky senses of humor, and they are all very smart. None of them are sub-par in the looks department, and they all dress normally. Not a lot of common interests for a good deal of girls out there - some are intimidated, others are afraid they will be bored to death, some are concerned about what their peers would think, some are put off by the interests they have, others don't get the 'mindset' and what have you. I've been out with Mr. B and his friends and when girls ask his friend, R (who happens to be smoking hot, mind you) what he does and he says "I'm a programmer" - their eyes just sort of glaze over and they feign interest from there on out since they can't find any way to relate or have a conversation about something they know nothing about (or care to know about, when you get right down to it). But, if he starts talking about the 3D visualization aspect of what he does, or how it ties in to something they might know more about they can get more of a conversation going. What you can do is maybe try to find something in your job when describing it that the average girl can relate to or find interesting? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bonezuk Posted June 28, 2005 Author Share Posted June 28, 2005 I know there can be a bit of a culture to see who is the most socially acward. Personally any time I talk about computers with someone who is not so technically minded as myself I will always talk about it in a way they can understand. I have not got very much time for people who try and confuse somone with techno talk. But at the end of the day I do try and put myself across in a positive light. Went I find it is nearly always the same.... "You are a programmer?.... Then you are the weakest link. Goodbye" Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 *******NEWS FLASH******* Maybe that is just the less hurtful excuse than...oh, saying you are ugly, or smell, or have a big nose...... Link to post Share on other sites
Syncerity Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 my mom isnt really a software "engineer", but she did major in computer science, and she writes some scripts for companies...she dated a software engineer for awhile and got tired of him, because everytime he came around he'd say oh the system at work is having problems, oh i hate my job, or oh i gotta fix these codes on the system,...he always talked about computers and his jobs...now mind you that my mother is a pc person herself and knows alot about them, but she gets tired of hearing about pc problems, and all that...so she says she will never date a person that works that extensive with them...even the dude she dated said he was boring, because all he sees is numbers and words, and bein a software engineer makes him that way...so mayb the ladies have had their share and avoid that at all cost Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 the main problem I have seen in the IT field is that the majority of people who work in this field are not very "well-rounded" individuals. Some are, maybe 10 or 15% but the rest are not. Most peopple who work with computers lack people skills to some extent and that is why they chose the profession. They don't have to deal with people, the deal mostly with a machine. But there are exceptions. Link to post Share on other sites
JenDoe Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Ever look at the programmers around you? This is why girls don't like them. Might want to re-invent yourself a bit... become a little more rock n' roll, upgrade your wardrobe, etc. Then play with their heads when they ask what you do -- make them guess and show a sense of humor about it. Chicks love this sort of stuff... it shows you've got personality on top of that large brain society depends on. This is SOOOO right on. Ya gotta NOT walk the walk, talk the talk of a programmer, otherwise most women usually won't be attracted because the "package" of a programmer usually isn't one who is exciting and fun to be around. Of course it's a stereotype, but if you don't want to be thought of that way, you have to change the package. Case in point - I am an attorney. Yup. Do I look like one or act like one when I am out of the office? No. It's all about being dimensional - adds some spice and mystery. BOTH women and men love that. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Syncerity my mom isnt really a software "engineer", but she did major in computer science, and she writes some scripts for companies...she dated a software engineer for awhile and got tired of him, because everytime he came around he'd say oh the system at work is having problems, oh i hate my job, or oh i gotta fix these codes on the system,...he always talked about computers and his jobs...now mind you that my mother is a pc person herself and knows alot about them, but she gets tired of hearing about pc problems, and all that...so she says she will never date a person that works that extensive with them...even the dude she dated said he was boring, because all he sees is numbers and words, and bein a software engineer makes him that way...so mayb the ladies have had their share and avoid that at all cost There are just as many men who complain about their jobs and always talk about them who aren't programmers as there are men who are. The problem with that guy wasn't that he was a software engineer. It was that he was way too into his job and not as into her. Personally, if I was into a guy already and he said he was a software engineer, I'd find that really hot. Why would you want to be with a girl who assumes you're an ultra dork when she seemed to think you were perfectly okay before she found out your job? It shows she's obviously not very bright, and you probably won't have a lot in common. So, be glad that the bad ones weed themselves out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 About all I can say has been said but I'd still emphasize being well rounded and taking into consideration the fact that most people don't care or have a clue if you start talking shop. I shamelessly exploit technology in my business, write programs and engage in some pretty far out analysis but I don't advertise it. Why? Because no one understands WTF I'm talking about. So in response to what I do for work I give a general idea of the industry that I am in rather than the details. I have a friend who is a doctor and when he meets women he tells them that he is a plumber. He really is a plumber and worked as one to put himself through school. A lot of women blow him off because they think that he is "only" a plumber and then come crawling back to him when they find out what he does for $$ now--then it's his turn to blow them off. He says it's his way of sorting through women that are interested in who he is vs what he does for a living. It's too bad that some women don't give you the chance and make assumptions too quickly. You say you're a programmer? I would have thought you are in high tech. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by Craig I have a friend who is a doctor and when he meets women he tells them that he is a plumber. He really is a plumber and worked as one to put himself through school. A lot of women blow him off because they think that he is "only" a plumber and then come crawling back to him when they find out what he does for $$ now--then it's his turn to blow them off. He says it's his way of sorting through women that are interested in who he is vs what he does for a living. It's too bad that some women don't give you the chance and make assumptions too quickly. You say you're a programmer? I would have thought you are in high tech. actually, plumbers usually make pretty GOOD bank. and just casue you are a doctor, does not mean you have $$$$ Maybe when you are 49. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Ok , I know a lot of women have trouble understanding computer "geeks".However there are some women that have a certain affinity for programers of engineers.I for one have my very own Geek whom Ive lived with for a long time and I admire his intelligence .Perhaps your problem comes more from your outlook on women and grouping them together.While all people resemble each other in basci humaness.No too are exactly the same .Perhaps you should broaden your horizon in type of women you persue , or perhaps you should tamp down the hormones and try to simply cultivate female relationships without any sexual content,only friends , so that you can grow in your view. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 Weird. My husband is no engineer, but he runs an e-business and spends his whole day in front of the computer, improving his website, etc. He was already like that when I met him, and I actually thought that was cool!! Not sure what kind of girls you're dating there ... I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds smart sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 My fiance is a Systems Admin. I think it's great. Maybe you are trying to get women light on the intelligence that are intimidated by yours? I do know that there are some guys that my man works with that when we are out to lunch only talk about their gadgets and the new stuff coming out. You do have other hobbies that don't require a computer?? Link to post Share on other sites
AlmostMarried77 Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 I've been in IT for almost 6 years now as a database developer and more lately a DBA. I've never really had that much of a problem getting dates and stuff. Yeah they were hardly banging my door down to get to me though My favourite line to use after the "What do you do?" question was "I work in IT" ..... watch her think of something to say...Then follow up with "Not the most of exciting of jobs I know but all the stunt man positions were filled already So what job keeps you excited during the day" .. Then she tells me about her crappy office job Its corny I know but it gets over that little problem with a bit of humour. Fact is most peoples jobs are no where near as exciting as how i find mine. (Or at least did till all the work dried up). I've had opportunities to work with people from all over Europe and America and I've had to spend sometime working abroad. Plus i get a pretty decent paycheck. Best of all is that my job challenges my intelligence on an almost daily basis and i do get a kick out of that. There were/are a lot of geeks working in the IT business. At the corporate level that I work at though, the geeks are few and far between. Companies do need well rounded people as communication and proffessionalism is vital to modern IT systems. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Although not the same situation, my career often gets in the way of my relationships. I'm an architect, and I find that being a female, this intimidates a lot of guys. I feel that I get rejected because of my successes in my career field. It makes no sense, but unfortunately, it's the way of the world. I prefer to date guys who share my interests outside of work... music, art, sports etc... I don't want any involvement between my personal/professional life. I wouldn't suggest the "doctor/plumber" approach, but maybe just downplay your career as much as possible and focus on other things you may have in common with your date. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 i used to be a programmer, a bit of a renegade and then lost my job due to the whole slowdown 4-5 years ago... now i'm a builder ( am a graduate civil engineer ) and bored my ex to death with 'i built this today' at least with software you couldn't say to your girlfriend i wrote 80 lines of java today because it wouldn't mean anything, it was great not being able to talk about your boring job! Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 dude, r u an Indian by any chance? Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 there are the hardcore programmers and then there are the moderate programmers The former are the ones that women don't like. I've got friends who are in the latter category and they have no problem meeting women. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Unfortunately when people hear the term "programmer" all the negative images of it start exploding in the person's mind. They especially relate it to nerds/geeks. Blame the media if you will, but in it does lie some truth. Even my friend who's one friend is an computer engineer major and another is in IT, they both have geek-like qualities i cannot deny. But they are still cool people. I've actually hung out with them on several occasions, and i have nothing against them. "The apple doesnt fall far from the tree" When i hear the word programmer these words/images come to mind: geek boring no social life 10101010 unadventurous anti-social hard-core gamer loves computers wears glasses Bad taste in clothes Now im sure there are a lot more to add to this list, but about 90% of the population will have very similar thoughts when they think of a programmer. Now when you're out on a date, body language and confidence speaks the most. Let's say you're a buffed model look-alike and you claim to be a programmer, people will find that hard to believe. Often people tend to relate intelligence/looks to a certain profession. Now do you look like your typical programmer? if yes, then turn your lifestyle around. If you dont want to then find a woman who appreciates youfor you. ill be frank 50% of guys in bars or clubs lie about their profession. Often the common lies are : lawyer, doctor, marketer. The instant you hear these, you often relate it to money, and women do too. Unfortunately programming isnt listed under this category. So if you want to B.S. to get women to feel differently about you, feel free to do so, but be prepared for the consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
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