How do I respond?

[Survivor12]

I recently received an invitation to go out with a guy who I only consider to be a friend. I would enjoy seeing him to catch up, but I don't want to lead him on.

 

Here's the background....

 

I haven't seen him since I moved to a new neighborhood over 2 years ago. He was a neighbor, was a part of the same social group, and had been a friend for several years. At the time I left, he had girlfriend who he had been with for about three years and we had little to no contact during that time. They have since broken up.

 

I originally met him through a large group of friends while I was dating a guy I will call Jim. When Jim & I broke up, this guy (who I will call Steve) made it known that he was interested in dating me but he knew that I wasn't over Jim. Eventually, I got back together with Jim & Steve befriended him as well & although it was no secret that he still would like to date me, he never acted inappropriately.

 

My relationship with Jim was on again/off again for years and a couple of times when we were broken up, Steve invited me to go out as a part of a group of people, making it clear that it was not a date, and I had a good time.

 

Part of the reason that I moved away from the neighborhood was to start a new life for myself. I quit going out & stopped drinking (the neighborhood bar in the old neighborhood was where we all congregated on a daily basis). Although I didn't burn bridges, I have had little contact with most everyone--and no more drama!

 

About a year ago, Jim contacted me and since then we have been seeing each other frequently. We are not an official couple and no one but us and a few of our closest friends are aware of our relationship. Although (or because) we love each other very much, there are reasons why neither of us are ready to commit. I won't get into the details but it works for us.

 

Jim knows that I have no romantic interest in Steve and would not be bothered if I were to go out with him. My problem is that I don't want Steve to think that I'm interested him in anything more than a friend. I would, however, like to see him and catch up.

 

So what do I say? Do I simply respond to his "would you be interested in going out with me sometime" by casually saying "sure, I'd love to catch up" or do I need to say "I can't really accept a date, but I'd enjoy getting together to catch up" ?

 

Suggestions, please!

[Survivor12]

Anyone?...

 

I would like to respond this morning to avoid making things more awkward than they already are.

 

Thanks!

[smackie9]

Bring another friend from the group with you....that will send a message loud and clear. Also go to a place for coffee....say you only have 45 mins for you are meeting up with_______.

[JewelD]

Well if he liked you before, he's probably going to think it's date if you just say yes or even if you show up with someone else. Just be very clear and specific to avoid drama.

 

I think the "I can't accept a date" response is a good one.

[Survivor12]

Thanks, Smackie, but i haven't been in contact with anyone other than "Jim" since I moved. Also, I can let him know face to face that I'm not interested in anything beyond friendship, but I'm trying to figure out a delicate way to accept a meet up but avoid leading him on.

 

I may not have mentioned it, but he sent me a FB IM (he may not have my number) so wording is important.

[Survivor12]

Jewel, that's exactly what I'm worried about.

 

Of course, a lot has changed for and about me in the last few years so it is entirely possible that he may not be interested once we do meet up!

[preraph]

Don't agree to go out with Steve. He knows you know he's interested romantically, so you can't accept the date, period. You can't go and act like you didn't know. He knows you know. You need to just tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't accept your invitation. You're a friend to me and nothing more."