Emem Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 Hi all, I really need your advice. I feel completely shattered by this 'breakup'. I am a woman who was on the fag end of a long term relationship; nothing dramatic, just a mutual falling out of love. Of course there was much vestigial affection still staining our relationship (for a long time, we were convinced we would spend out lives together) and so our breakup was a little harder and taking a bit of time to navigate. Meanwhile, I met a lovely man; we connected in a way that has never happened before for me. The man did a bunch of incredibly thoughtful and sweet things for me and made it clear he was smitten. So was I and after so many years of dating, things with this man just fit, if you know what I mean. Everything felt perfectly right except that I'm a bit reserved by nature and being in the middle of emding my relationship with my boyfriend was making me throw up some really high walls. My aloofness was upsetting him and he was quite verbal about it, but I explained about everything and we worked it out and things were wonderful after that. Let me mention here that he knew about my boyfriend situation from the beginning. At one point, he wrote to me saying that he was uncomfortable being in the middle of my boyfriend tangle and that I should devote my time to working that out first. I replied saying that obviously I had strong feelings for him but that he was right, I needed to properly break up with my boyfriend before anything more serious could happen between us, and while I would love for him to be friends with me while this happened, I would respect it if he wanted to keep his distance for a while. His response was a slew of angry text messages, saying that I was insensitive and he needed to protect his heart, he wanted to have nothing more to do with me and then he blocked me everywhere. It literally took five minutes. Was I terribly insensitive? I think he thought I was blowing hot and cold with him, but I wasn't and I thought I had explained that clearLy enough. I want him back in my life so much. My relationship with my boyfriend is over and I miss this man so much more than I miss my ex-boyfriend. Should I try to get in touch with him or am I just setting myself myself up for failure? In short, is there any hope at all?
Cooper04 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I was in a similar situation. Met a girl about a year ago. She'd been cheated on and played for a fool by her ex, and had put up walls. She kept me at arms length, kept telling me she was afraid to fall in love with me, she was so afraid of being hurt again and was unable to let me in. After 6 months, as the relationship naturally progressed and was becoming serious, she broke up with me, giving me the "not ready for a relationship"-talk. Like you, she wanted to remain friends, which I told her I would not accept. There was no falling out, no anger, but we've had pretty much no contact since. Met her once, and exhanged some meaningless texts. Now, 4 months later, if she came back and told me she wanted me back... I'd probably jump at the chance, I still miss her. But logically, it's unlikely the relationship would work any better this time around. I can't possibly know your boyfriends mind, the only way you're gonna find out is by asking him. I wouldn't say you were terribly insensitive, but you surely realize being friends would not have been doing him any favours. I'd suggest you'd contact him and ask, at least then you'll know. But be prepared for a negative answer and be honest with yourself first. Are you sure the obstacles and problems in your first attempt are gone? Take care. 1
Author Emem Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 Hi all, Pls pls help. I was at the tail end of a 3 yr relationship, when I fell for another man. He was wonderful to me, treated me the best I've ever been, but I was uncomfortable and kept pushing him away because I was confused, scared and wanted to end my other relationship properly. He was really into me, to the extent of flying down (he lives in another country) to spend time with me. Anyway, at one point I wrote to him and asked if we could be friends until I sorted things out with my (now) ex, and he got really upset, told me he was done with my games and blocked me everywhere. I didn't even get a chance to explain. I maintained NC for three weeks, missed him horribly and was super depressed, then decided to e-mail him explaining why I did what I did and telling him I still care for him. I was perfectly fine with him not replying, I just had to get it off my chest. Anyway, two days later, he texted me (I was very surprised) and we've been sort of in touch via text. Sometimes, we phone each other after three-four days, but the intense closeness is definitely gone. I feel very much that I have been friendzoned, based on his tone, subject and manner of talking, but sometimes, he slips in endearments (he'll call me pet names we used to have for each other) or is flirty, with some sexual innuendo. He has offered to help me with work things as well, without my even asking. I'm not sure how to take this - I'm trying to play it cool, but I'm still very much into him. Why did he even get back in touch? Can anyone help me? What's going on here?
Author Emem Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 (edited) I was in a similar situation. Met a girl about a year ago. She'd been cheated on and played for a fool by her ex, and had put up walls. She kept me at arms length, kept telling me she was afraid to fall in love with me, she was so afraid of being hurt again and was unable to let me in. After 6 months, as the relationship naturally progressed and was becoming serious, she broke up with me, giving me the "not ready for a relationship"-talk. Like you, she wanted to remain friends, which I told her I would not accept. There was no falling out, no anger, but we've had pretty much no contact since. Met her once, and exhanged some meaningless texts. Now, 4 months later, if she came back and told me she wanted me back... I'd probably jump at the chance, I still miss her. But logically, it's unlikely the relationship would work any better this time around. I can't possibly know your boyfriends mind, the only way you're gonna find out is by asking him. I wouldn't say you were terribly insensitive, but you surely realize being friends would not have been doing him any favours. I'd suggest you'd contact him and ask, at least then you'll know. But be prepared for a negative answer and be honest with yourself first. Are you sure the obstacles and problems in your first attempt are gone? Take care. Thank you for your reply - I am sorry it took so long for me to respond. I did as you said, contacted him without expecting an answer, and he did get in touch with me after two days. I think he is over me now though, because I feel totally friendzoned, although he is sometimes flirty, with some sexual innuendos. So. Yeah. Edited July 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added quote ~6
Author Emem Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 Also, I'm so sorry for what you went through. I apologised in my e-mail and wrote an extremely heartfelt letter to him, which he said made sense to him and that's why he got back in touch. But he seems like he is mostly over me, while I am so not over him. Ah well, that's the way it goes sometimes, I guess.
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