format Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Hello and thank you in advance for your time. My girlfriend and I was together for 2 1/2 years, we split up for 5 months and now we are together again. She called me randomly and told me I'm the only one that's always been there for me and wanted to work things out. I am 28 and she is 27. She likes to say she doesn't express emotions and is a chill person. When we got back together she told me that she could be what I needed in a girl. This is literally the first time I've ever felt so strongly and sure that I'm in love and she knows that. She was very happy, loving and seemed like a new person. We was always laughing and talking and just rekindling our relationship. Now when I tell her I feel that she doesn't show emotions and sometimes seems that she doesn't even care, she rolls her eyes, tells me I bit** to much and I'm always whining. Everything that I speak about that is concerning to me about our relationship is addressed the same way. If I sit down and assure her that I just want to talk as friends and I'm becoming unhappy everything that I mention (doing my best to not make her feel attacked) she turns it on me and says I'm the one that is creating/causing the issue I just stated. She downs/degrade me and doesn't say anything positive then all of a sudden one day she'll be happy and we talk about it and she says she didn't mean it. She hardly listens to me, it always seems that she is annoyed, she doesn't initiate sex. She works from home and she has always been on her phone slot, all she wants to do is lay on the couch and watch TV, even after she knows that this is what caused us to grow apart. She will tell me I'm "sexy" and she wants to marry me when I just don't speak about us and she will initiate sex, be kissy and loving some days then the next day be not emotionally involved. I don't need her up my butt, I just want to see that she cares about me and loves me truly not just when it's convenient. I'm not perfect but I know for sure that I try to talk instead of fight, promote and encourage her and love her securely. It just seems like she is two different people. I don't want her to get unhealthy and unhappy again as she was before. So should I just stop stressing the issues that are pushing us apart? Please help, I truly want to see her happy and I want her to be a part of my life. I just don't know if I'm willing to be unhappy the days she is unhappy. Please any advice or questions would be grateful.
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Okay WHAT? You seem like in the same position I am in right now. I mean we broke up 3 months ago but I had the same experience overall. You try to love you try to respect you try to show so much understanding try to make the other person feel good yet it always backfires. It is always not enough. Honestly man take off the pink glasses and look clearly. I think that girl is playing with you. If you want someone and feel strongly about them you won't be like that. What is your love life like? Is it sensual or just casual to vent the frustration of not having sex for awhile then back at square one? Understand you are NOT the reason for everything! Understand that there are 2 people in this relationship. Understand that you do something for someone because you want to not because you are ORDERED to do it and get smashed why you are not doing it. The two different people thing I can related to that as one day it is totally loving and caring and the other is all bossy and angry with me frustrated why I haven't done this, I haven't done that. Women are like that... they are afraid of the natural and untamed nature of Men. They try to control it and whenever there is control in a relationship it turns rotten. It kills. Wherever there is control is devastates after it. Honestly I haven't seen couples recovering from such behavior but you can try. Explain to her that it is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE to call you a bitch for showing emotion! This is YOU! Respect that! If she is the person that doesn't show her emotions then that's fine but actions show that as well and if you don't "feel" her actions then this is not cutting it out for you. In fact it is absolutely unforgivable to call someone names! If she loves you she can't do that! Don't try to change her just let her know that this is not right by you! If she can't understand break up! She needs some time off in this case! If you were truly meant to be together you wouldn't be in this forum right now would you? Plus you need a stable person not someone that has mood swings every few hours.
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Hello and thank you in advance for your time. My girlfriend and I was together for 2 1/2 years, we split up for 5 months and now we are together again. She called me randomly and told me I'm the only one that's always been there for me and wanted to work things out. I am 28 and she is 27. She likes to say she doesn't express emotions and is a chill person. When we got back together she told me that she could be what I needed in a girl. This is literally the first time I've ever felt so strongly and sure that I'm in love and she knows that. She was very happy, loving and seemed like a new person. We was always laughing and talking and just rekindling our relationship. Now when I tell her I feel that she doesn't show emotions and sometimes seems that she doesn't even care, she rolls her eyes, tells me I bit** to much and I'm always whining. Everything that I speak about that is concerning to me about our relationship is addressed the same way. If I sit down and assure her that I just want to talk as friends and I'm becoming unhappy everything that I mention (doing my best to not make her feel attacked) she turns it on me and says I'm the one that is creating/causing the issue I just stated. She downs/degrade me and doesn't say anything positive then all of a sudden one day she'll be happy and we talk about it and she says she didn't mean it. She hardly listens to me, it always seems that she is annoyed, she doesn't initiate sex. She works from home and she has always been on her phone slot, all she wants to do is lay on the couch and watch TV, even after she knows that this is what caused us to grow apart. She will tell me I'm "sexy" and she wants to marry me when I just don't speak about us and she will initiate sex, be kissy and loving some days then the next day be not emotionally involved. I don't need her up my butt, I just want to see that she cares about me and loves me truly not just when it's convenient. I'm not perfect but I know for sure that I try to talk instead of fight, promote and encourage her and love her securely. It just seems like she is two different people. I don't want her to get unhealthy and unhappy again as she was before. So should I just stop stressing the issues that are pushing us apart? Please help, I truly want to see her happy and I want her to be a part of my life. I just don't know if I'm willing to be unhappy the days she is unhappy. Please any advice or questions would be grateful. If a partner dismisses your feelings and criticizes you instead of really listening and trying to understand, it means that they are not invested in you emotionally enough. And, if she really is, she's emotionally lazy. In other words, she can't be bothered to show/demonstrate her feelings and is taking you for granted. When we got back together she told me that she could be what I needed in a girl. -- Well, she's not doing a good job of that, is she? She doesn't seem to be invested in the relationship at the same level you are at least. I just don't know if I'm willing to be unhappy -- C'mon, who would be "willing" to be unhappy? So should I just stop stressing the issues -- Absolutely. Stop stressing because you've addressed them with her and she is not acknowledging nor even attempting to work with you. So, you stop stressing and move on. Tell her that the relationship is not working for you and that it's time for you both to move on. You've put in 2 years (not counting the 5 months apart) into a relationship where you are apparently doing all the work and she is unwilling to put anything into it. 1
Author format Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you both for responding and it really helped. I guess someone else saying it to you makes it more realistic. My only issue is maybe I'm at fault more then I know, I know she has "issues" and I accept that. Hopefully I'm not asking to much but I could use some more advice. I am a bit of a perfectionist, I know I have problems but I mean who doesn't. I didn't mention that she has a 3 year old that I love beyond words and I'm certain the emotion is mutual. Could it be that maybe I am being to "needy" that I may be putting to much on her at once. She is a tough chick but she likes to act tougher then she really is. Any advice as to helping her be more open? I think it would be worth a shot I just don't know how to go about it. Is this me holding on to something that isn't there or perhaps the relationship can be saved. I would hate to walk away from the relationship with these questions on my mind. Thanks so much for any input
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you both for responding and it really helped. I guess someone else saying it to you makes it more realistic. My only issue is maybe I'm at fault more then I know, I know she has "issues" and I accept that. Hopefully I'm not asking to much but I could use some more advice. I am a bit of a perfectionist, I know I have problems but I mean who doesn't. I didn't mention that she has a 3 year old that I love beyond words and I'm certain the emotion is mutual. Could it be that maybe I am being to "needy" that I may be putting to much on her at once. She is a tough chick but she likes to act tougher then she really is. Any advice as to helping her be more open? I think it would be worth a shot I just don't know how to go about it. Is this me holding on to something that isn't there or perhaps the relationship can be saved. I would hate to walk away from the relationship with these questions on my mind. Thanks so much for any input I am a bit of a perfectionist -- Not enough of one . . . I know she has "issues" and I accept that. She is a tough chick -- Is she tough or just plain insensitive to your needs? Any advice as to helping her be more open? -- Have a conversation with her about how she is making you feel . . . oh, wait, you did that already and she dissed you for it. Is this me holding on to something that isn't there or perhaps the relationship can be saved -- There's nothing to save. There is no relationship when only one person is contributing. That's a one-sided scenario. There's no balance. I am being to "needy" that I may be putting to much on her at once. -- Unless you are bombarding her on a daily/weekly basis over this and not stepping back to observe if she steps up, you're not being needy by addressing your concerns. It's been 2 years . . .
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