Malexandria Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Hi there, Sorry for the mistakes I'm french. So I've been with my boyfriend for nearly one year, and I'm at my wits end in our relationship right now. He spends a lot of time at my place, maybe 4 to 5 nights a week, and I still haven't seen his apartment (because his place is a total mess, he has some kind of "Diogene syndrome" and is ashamed). Well, I think he had enough time in 8 months to clean everything... A month ago, he aked me to get some "space" and just played dead for a whole week, never answering the phone, replying to his friends either, etc. I was a total mess and was ready to do everything to make things up because I didn't want him to break up for good. We finally got back together but things were still complicated. He's not honest with me, and that's the main problem in our relationship. For the third time this week he didn't came to my place after his work (he's a barman) because he was taking drugs with some other guys. He basically chose drugs over me. When I woke up, nobody was there, but the worst thing was he didn't even send me any apology by text or call or whatever. It was not the first time for him, and when we met this drug problem was much more important. Because he's not honest, because he lies, because he doesn't keep his promises, because he disappears out of the blue without explanation, I became insecure, and clingy. And when I told him it could be great to move in together he just gave me some random excuses to avoid the subject. At first I was ok with that and wanted to give him the time he needed (like I did for his apartment), but now I just can't play games anymore. My gut feeling is tellin me I'm losing my time here, that he will never, ever, change for us. I just wanted other opinions about it, but I think I already know the answers. Thanks for your time, btw
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Malexandria I think you are a sweet girl and you deserve better. I am sorry but I am coming from a family that highly forbids and frowns upon people who use drugs. Look you can do better! I cannot say anything about the moving together part because my heartbreak is primary because of my lie I was ready to move in together when I was not. Yet my situation is different from yours. This person doesn't feel reliable, doesn't feel the need to be with you apparently. I don't know if you kind of occupy his privacy too much so he does that as an act of passive aggression that he wants to spend more time with his friends or because he is just too weird in the first place to respect you enough. The drugs part killed it for me your story is touching how you love him through thick and thin but as a person with an easily breakable heart I can honestly say you can do better and it is by no meaning YOUR responsibility to fix his life and bad habits. Your responsibility is to find a proper mate that will excel you, drive you forward, be with you in tough times like you are with that guy right now but he just doesn't look like the person who deserves it. You don't sound too devastated though or you may not show it so as you are a girl I know you guys tend to move on faster than males. Just go ahead and move on for the sake of your well being! There are other people like you here in the same or similar situation that are trying to cope with that so we can all help each other. Just stay positive and go forward!
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I see absolutely zero reason to continue your relationship. You mentioned many deal-breakers and I suspect there is a lot he's hiding. Run and don't look back. Surely you have better options than a lying drug-addict?
Author Malexandria Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you for your answers Yes, I think I've spent too much time trying to fix him and to be honest I've lost myself on the road. I've stopped doing tons of things to make this relationship work but in the end I'm miserable because we were not on the same page obviously. I also have to deal with a lot of health problems, so I don't have the energy to help him and make him change. And no he doesn't have any real friend, he's a real loner, and I think he "needs" to be sad, miserable, or whatever because he always mess up what's good in his life.
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Yes, I think I've spent too much time trying to fix him and to be honest I've lost myself on the road. I've stopped doing tons of things to make this relationship work but in the end I'm miserable because we were not on the same page obviously. I also have to deal with a lot of health problems, so I don't have the energy to help him and make him change. And no he doesn't have any real friend, he's a real loner, and I think he "needs" to be sad, miserable, or whatever because he always mess up what's good in his life. Well you said the reason to let go then.. he drags you down! Nobody should do that to you! Also if by "needs" to be sad and miserable you mean that he just feels he needs to feel like that constantly then yeah your paths are going to different directions. He is just not on the same page nor same level of maturity. He has not reached a certain point in his life journey that is next to yours. Leave him reach it alone otherwise you are just going backwards to help him out when you've already went so far. Keep on going forward and don't look behind! People that will be on the same point in their lives are either going to be next to you or right infront you so these are the ones to keep an eye out for!
Author Malexandria Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 You are totally right. I've spent too much time going backwards trying to make him move, but I'm done... I'm just fed up. Thank you for your support <3
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 God Bless Malexandria! Keep your chin up and there is a saying here in my country that goes: "Always forward and always upward".
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