serendipity90 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Well my ex has moved on now so I guess that's dashed all hopes of us getting back together. I've been on quite a few dates since we broke up and have got to the point where I've been asked to be in a relationship with 2 different guys but I just don't feel the same way about them as I did my ex and feel I would be doing them a disservice by getting with them. I miss the intimacy, companionship and sex in a relationship but I don't want to get with anyone for the sake of it. I'm worried I will always feel this way though. I realize everyone has their own individual qualities and my ex didn't treat me right towards the end but he was the only man I have ever truly loved and it kills me that he doesn't feel the same anymore. I've been making an effort to go to meet up groups and am hoping a relationship will develop out of there as I find the whole online dating game soul destroying at times. 1
deadparrot Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) If you don't reciprocate feelings for them, definitely don't get into a relationship. I've been in a similar spot, and it took literal years to get over my two exes that I loved. After things ended with my first love, I was single for over three years until I met my second, and when #2 and I split up, it took another two years to meet my current boyfriend. In between, there were a few guys I casually dated, but I knew that they weren't going to be long-term things and made sure we were both on the same page about that. And in that time, I worried constantly that I was being too picky. But when I met my boyfriend, I could feel a difference--there was an attraction, a chemistry, and a "rightness" that was different from anyone I'd been out with in recent memory. I hate platitudes like "Oh, you'll meet him when you least expect it" or "it'll happen in its own time," because I think they sound ultra-patronizing, but statistically, the odds are with you. Over 90% of people get married at some point (obviously, I don't know if this is in your plans, but it sounds like you want something serious and long-term). Like you, I did meetups to widen my social circle, and also kept online dating, which, after 7 years of very little success, is how I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago. We moved in together last month and are talking larger commitments in the next couple years. My best advice is just keep putting yourself out there. Keep going out with friends, join an interest group, volunteer with an organization that interests you, keep doing meetups, attend professional networking events. The more you're out and about, the more people--friends and potential romantic partners--you're likely to meet. As you said, definitely don't settle for a relationship you're only "meh" about. Edited July 6, 2016 by deadparrot 2
Satu Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 snip I've been on quite a few dates since we broke up and have got to the point where I've been asked to be in a relationship with 2 different guys but I just don't feel the same way about them as I did my ex and feel I would be doing them a disservice by getting with them. . I've been making an effort to go to meet up groups and am hoping a relationship will develop out of there as I find the whole online dating game soul destroying at times. You're not ready to date yet, if thats what you're experiencing. You're probably not far off being ready, but I don't think you're there yet. Don't rush it. Take care.
Vado Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 See them differently. Like the difference between a good friend and a best friend. if you have to chose you prefer hanging out with your best friend, but maybe there are some exceptions (sport, shopping, movies). because you and the good friend have a more similar taste if it comes to movies, for instance. So just accept it with your next date. Yes, overall he's less interesting than your ex, at least as far as you can compare them, but there must be an exception (intellegence, strength, humour) where the date beats your ex. Nobody is the best on all squares, so to speak.
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