ly399 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I'm in an open relationship with a guy for almost 5 months. I have never done open relationship before, i prefer monogamous relationship, but he wants non exclusivity unless we are engaged. i like him, since i'm in no hurry to commit to one guy, i'll give it time. He got really attached to me lately, and i'm curious if we are moving in the right direction or it's just an illusion. the bottom line is, i dont want to force him to commit. no ultimatum or manipulation. i value certain qualities of this relationship even though i want exclusivity eventually. I know if i walk now, he will chase and commit, but then deep down or later on he might resend/regret, and i don't want an unhappy partner in life. I give us time to really figure out if we are good for each other. what makes me uncomfortable lately is the speed of things are moving. I'm not sure if this is healthy pace. Feels like he is the person stepping on the gas and the break at the same time. Saying we need to delay exclusivity and take things slow, and then act like a serious boyfriend and rushing things. what's up with that? 1.met his entire extended family at his grandparents' wedding anniversary party. His family really like me, and i like them. He also asked to meet my family, and have our parents meet each other 2.we spent a lot of time together lately, he wants to see me everyday. cuddling/hanging out. When i told him i can't sleepover, have to change for work tomorrow, he asked me to leave some of my clothes at his apt 3.pet names and "baby" talk, in the last week or so, we start calling each other pet names and using baby voice a lot!! 4.weekend trip together to a special place where he spent many childhood summers. And he's talking about bigger trips next year when we have more vacation days Good thing is we both haven't said "I love you" yet!!! I almost let it out the other day, but i want to wait until we are exclusive. We tell each other "i really really like/care about you" what do you think? are these bulletin points too fast for an non exclusive relationship? He's not dating another person now. He had an one night stand a month back.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I don't think this is a good idea. You prefer monogamy. He doesn't. Neither of you is wrong, but you don't want the same thing in the end. 5
kendahke Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I think you need to scale it back and keep it "non-exclusive" until he's done sleeping around. 1
Zahara Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) When we're emotionally invested, we often tend to bargain in terms of our values, needs and wants and deny ourselves with what we truly desire. This guy sounds like bad news. And judging from your other threads, you ARE looking for long term. "He wants non exclusivity unless we are engaged." He's either saying this so that it justifies him sleeping with other women just as you quoted below or he's fast forwarding the relationship and placing an ultimatum on you which to me seems like manipulation for whatever his reasons. He had a one night stand a month ago? One of which you know about or do you actually know who he sleeps with when you're not with him? This is what you posted in your thread in May: He already slept with 40-60 women at least prior to us (we both in are late 20s). He said even though he's very attached to me, his greed isn't getting any smaller. He hasn't slept with anyone since we met only because he's been busy and he knew one day he will sleep with someone else. So he wanted to keep our relationship casual so that i might forgive him for sleep around, aka having the cake and eat it. Doesn't sound good. He's avoiding exclusivity to play the field while having you as the fallback girl. PS: Bullet points mean nothing. There are guys that will do all that and still keep you in the non-exclusive box. Edited July 6, 2016 by Zahara 2
kendahke Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Originally Posted by ly399 He already slept with 40-60 women at least prior to us (we both in are late 20s). He said even though he's very attached to me, his greed isn't getting any smaller. He hasn't slept with anyone since we met only because he's been busy and he knew one day he will sleep with someone else. So he wanted to keep our relationship casual so that i might forgive him for sleep around, aka having the cake and eat it. Oooooooh... no honey. That is not good at all. Messy messy messy. I mean, it's fine that he wants to sew his wild oats and all, but that doesn't come with an expectation that you contort yourself to be OK with it. Sloppy seconds are not for me and I don't care if I did meet his family. I'd tell him to go knock himself out, but that I'm outta there. I also would not bring anyone who is not seriously and exclusively with me (aka: an eff buddy) around my family.
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