PerryK Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I don't get it at all. I have broken up with plenty of girls before, girls I have been with for years, girls I have been with for months, girls I have been head over heels for. But always, ALWAYS, when it ends I find myself back on my feet, mates around, meeting new people, chatting to new girls, dates and moving on. This time I am really struggling, and it has been a few months now. I work away and spend 6/7 days away from home at work (live alone in a hotel and work alone, the youngest person after me is around 20 years my senior, everyone married with kids and no social lives). I have attempted to speak to girls, online and in person but I just get a blank. Before when I would talk to people and girls I was always animated and fun to be around and everyone loved me. Now I feel boring, depressive and just not interested with nothing interesting to say besides small elevator talk. The relationship had to end, the girl was completely vile and selfish and tore away all my self confidence and independance, but that made me feel so reliant on her and now I find myself lost and pining after her constantly being away from her. No contact etc for the months following the break up. Other than when she text me to tell me how horrible I was and was not worth anything and I kindly reminded her that I was perfect to her, I did everything for her while she walked over me and pushed and pushed as much as she could before I walked. I am really struggling to sleep, I can't concentrate at work, I feel pretty lethargic constantly. I go the gym every night and keep in constant contact with friends over social media, but they are all getting married, moving on with other mates now that I am not present 90% of the week, or spiralling into drug and drink habits leading them to ignore me because I don't join in. Not sure where I go from here. I am only 23 but I feel that I have nothing to offer a girl now, I feel worthless and that my best days are behind me along with the girl that I sacrificed so much for.
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I don't get it at all. I have broken up with plenty of girls before, girls I have been with for years, girls I have been with for months, girls I have been head over heels for. But always, ALWAYS, when it ends I find myself back on my feet, mates around, meeting new people, chatting to new girls, dates and moving on. This time I am really struggling, and it has been a few months now. I work away and spend 6/7 days away from home at work (live alone in a hotel and work alone, the youngest person after me is around 20 years my senior, everyone married with kids and no social lives). I have attempted to speak to girls, online and in person but I just get a blank. Before when I would talk to people and girls I was always animated and fun to be around and everyone loved me. Now I feel boring, depressive and just not interested with nothing interesting to say besides small elevator talk. The relationship had to end, the girl was completely vile and selfish and tore away all my self confidence and independance, but that made me feel so reliant on her and now I find myself lost and pining after her constantly being away from her. No contact etc for the months following the break up. Other than when she text me to tell me how horrible I was and was not worth anything and I kindly reminded her that I was perfect to her, I did everything for her while she walked over me and pushed and pushed as much as she could before I walked. I am really struggling to sleep, I can't concentrate at work, I feel pretty lethargic constantly. I go the gym every night and keep in constant contact with friends over social media, but they are all getting married, moving on with other mates now that I am not present 90% of the week, or spiralling into drug and drink habits leading them to ignore me because I don't join in. Not sure where I go from here. I am only 23 but I feel that I have nothing to offer a girl now, I feel worthless and that my best days are behind me along with the girl that I sacrificed so much for. I am only 23 but I feel that I have nothing to offer a girl now, I feel worthless and that my best days are behind me -- LOL, this is so not the right mindset. You are entirely too young to be feeling this way You have nothing but a bright future to build for yourself. At 23, it may be that you aren't on your feet yet, so to speak. Focus on you and establishing a grounded, well-rounded life for yourself before trying to manage and include a relationship. Date lots of women casually and observe carefully whether any of them meet your dating/relationship needs. And, never, ever give more in a relationship than you are getting in return -- I did everything for her while she walked over me and pushed and pushed. -- Rest assured that you did the right thing with this woman. but they are all getting married, moving on with other mates now -- It doesn't matter what they are doing. And, there is no way for you or anyone to know whether they are doing the right thing for themselves. The only person you need to focus on is you and your future. Stop self-medicating yourself with drinking and drugs. All you are doing is creating a clouded vision for yourself and creating the environment that will cause you to not be able to fulfill your wants, needs and desires. And anything that you might actually accomplish to be muted and under appreciated for it's value. along with the girl that I sacrificed so much for -- that relationship is done with and for good reason. Don't continue to "sacrifice" yourself for her. Do you really want to give one more second of your emotional life/health to someone who doesn't deserve it. She didn't/isn't sacrificing for you.
Author PerryK Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 I am only 23 but I feel that I have nothing to offer a girl now, I feel worthless and that my best days are behind me -- LOL, this is so not the right mindset. You are entirely too young to be feeling this way You have nothing but a bright future to build for yourself. At 23, it may be that you aren't on your feet yet, so to speak. Focus on you and establishing a grounded, well-rounded life for yourself before trying to manage and include a relationship. Date lots of women casually and observe carefully whether any of them meet your dating/relationship needs. And, never, ever give more in a relationship than you are getting in return -- I did everything for her while she walked over me and pushed and pushed. -- Rest assured that you did the right thing with this woman. but they are all getting married, moving on with other mates now -- It doesn't matter what they are doing. And, there is no way for you or anyone to know whether they are doing the right thing for themselves. The only person you need to focus on is you and your future. Stop self-medicating yourself with drinking and drugs. All you are doing is creating a clouded vision for yourself and creating the environment that will cause you to not be able to fulfill your wants, needs and desires. And anything that you might actually accomplish to be muted and under appreciated for it's value. along with the girl that I sacrificed so much for -- that relationship is done with and for good reason. Don't continue to "sacrifice" yourself for her. Do you really want to give one more second of your emotional life/health to someone who doesn't deserve it. She didn't/isn't sacrificing for you. I understand that isnt the right mindset, I was asking why am I in this mindset despite ending a relationship with a toxic girl and why am I a complete shell of what I used to be...? I have a well rounded life, I have the degree and job, the family, the purchased outright house, the friends. But I don't get to enjoy that as much due to work taking me all over the world, so I am currently living out a suitcase. I haven't said that i "self medicate with drink and drugs", if you read what i previously said, i have said that friends dont bother with me now because they use and i dont. And again, that was my question, i know that the relationship is done with and for good reason, but i am struggling none the less and don't know where to go from here despite being in this situation many times before with girls i have been much closer with. And i feel it may be because i gave so much of myself for her that i lost it when we broke up and i feel like i have lost track of who i am now.
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I understand that isnt the right mindset, I was asking why am I in this mindset despite ending a relationship with a toxic girl and why am I a complete shell of what I used to be...? I have a well rounded life, I have the degree and job, the family, the purchased outright house, the friends. But I don't get to enjoy that as much due to work taking me all over the world, so I am currently living out a suitcase. I haven't said that i "self medicate with drink and drugs", if you read what i previously said, i have said that friends dont bother with me now because they use and i dont. And again, that was my question, i know that the relationship is done with and for good reason, but i am struggling none the less and don't know where to go from here despite being in this situation many times before with girls i have been much closer with. And i feel it may be because i gave so much of myself for her that i lost it when we broke up and i feel like i have lost track of who i am now. The reality is that grieving is part of breaking up. Everyone experiences some level of grief and the process is different for each person. Why you are feeling this way even though on a intellectual level you know you did the right thing and she was bad for you is the result of having not fully accepted the situation on an emotional level plain and simple. I'd recommend journaling, giving yourself some time each day to sit with and allow yourself to feel emotions -- anger, sadness, etc. Just a little time each day and then make yourself do something. Emotions get pushed down sometimes but they are raw and running in the background all the time until you find a way to release them. Like I said, a little bit each day so as to not overwhelm yourself. Over time, you should find that you need/take less time for this. It's a process, not an event and you need to be patient with yourself.
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