longjohn Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I met a lady recently which was unplanned and we seem to really like each other. We've a lot in common, think similarly, work similar jobs and have very similar schedules etc. Actually quite scary how much we have in common and how much we understand each other. There is an age gap between us she's older than I by about 8 years. I'm slightly conflicted. On one hand I'm willing to go slow and explore this only because there's a major attraction there for me and she's admitted for herself too. However I just ended a relationship too. The issue is last time I felt this drawn to someone I'd just met was back in my early 20's and at the time she was a few years older, sold me nice sweet person A and turned into nasty crazy person B that didn't hesitate to do a merry wee dance all over my now fully exposed feelings because it suited her. Ever since I've been guarded to the point of being indifferent at times with my feelings with ladies. I've tried to be more open at times but the second I feel exposed I either run for the hills and leave them or find a way around it. I try to keep them at arms length just in case I get a repeat. However this lady feels different and that could be true, it could be the endorphin's swimming around my brain blocking out all the usual warning signs as biology takes over to try and get me to reproduce. Moving swiftly on to the potential warning signs. This lady is fairly religious but not down your throat I'm going to die type of religious. It seems to make her happy and brings a sort of peace to her which I can respect even being non religious. She doesn't drink which is either a lie or scary in my book lol. She does have an ex husband that she's admitted stops by her place once in a while to talk about his current marriage and talk in general which yes is a critical warning sign to me as ex's alone with ex's sometimes tend to revert back to their old ways. Plus she said she found out he was cheating on her before they got married. Actually they broke up on their honeymoon and he's since married the woman he cheated on her with. She's accepted his apology and allows him to be her friend now which I find very weird but religion overruling logic yet again? Or I'm being told what she wants me to hear. The other issue of potential contention is she's admitted to going out with her boss but says it isn't a date, he's older recently divorced and hasn't got any friends but has admitted to going to lengths to keeping her coworkers from finding out. However maintains they are just friends and has to keep it quite as it's against company policy for senior management to date or appear to date subordinates. And there we have it I'm back in the land of reality and thinking the above is a waste of time and I should move along before I find out she's got a bit on the side with her boss or her ex or who knows what else. Maybe I'm still burnt from that one GF back in my 20's and now I'm looking for a way out? Part of this feels exactly like that GF as if I'm being told an elaborate story ahead of time to keep me from bolting the second I find out about A, B or C however just like the other GF I'd never have known any of this if she never told me. I talked to a good friend about this and he thinks I might be a jaded by that one lady years ago and my ex wife for cheating. What do you think?
bummer Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Those red flags wouldn't deter me from dating and learning more first. But, if your B.S. meter is twitching and going to impede your happiness while together, bow out now.
CryForNoOne Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 So she's religious but not in your face about it, forgiving to her ex for cheating, and nice to her lonely boss. What exactly are the red flags??? I think you are way overthinking a first date. Just go for it. You seem so paranoid about red flags that if real ones do crop up after a few dates, you'll see them from a million miles away.
Author longjohn Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 So she's religious but not in your face about it, forgiving to her ex for cheating, and nice to her lonely boss. What exactly are the red flags??? I think you are way overthinking a first date. Just go for it. You seem so paranoid about red flags that if real ones do crop up after a few dates, you'll see them from a million miles away. That is one way to look at it. I suppose my ability to trust has taken a major beating with gf from my 20's then ex wife did another number on it. Last gf if anything taught me I can actually trust people. However I tend to side with if it's too good to be true it usually is or is it?
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