Leyee Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Hey guys, Is it normal not to enjoy the company of an ex boyfriend? I am 29 years old now. We were together for six years of our lives, and I broke up with him 18 months ago, it was a big decision but one I dont regret. We were best friends, and we kind of grew up together. I broke up with him because I wasnt attracted to him anymore and we just wanted different things. the first year without him was tough for me, and we didnt contact each other but i got through it and I'm very much over him. I cried a lot in the first year, and felt very sad and missed him a lot. It was very traumatising for me. But at the start of this year I decided to forget about him and move on. I am now dating someone new. More recently, he contacted me, just to see how I was doing. So we caught up over coffee, a couple of times. He likes to talk about the past, I guess because thats the part of history he knows about us. I feel like I don't really enjoy his company, is this normal? I told him what was going on in my life (a lot has changed since we broke up). I told him I sold a lot of the things that we used to share, and gifts that he gave me (I'm leaving the country soon so I have to sell my belongings). I said that I am not so attached to material things anymore. I said I didnt really like reminiscing about the past as much as he did. I said I am not that sentimental and I have let go of the past now. I prefer to enjoy the present and look forward to the future. He said that there was something 'off' about me, and he said I was detached and cold. Maybe I am deliberately trying to project a cold version of myself? Or am I really a cold person? I know that I am different when I am with my friends now. Is this normal? That I dont particularly enjoy my time with my ex, talking about how things have changed etc.
PegNosePete Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Who cares whether it's normal or not? If you don't enjoy his company, don't be "friends". Simples. Does your boyfriend know you're having coffee dates with your ex, reminiscing about the past? 2
Author Leyee Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Yup my boyfriend knows but he is fine with it. I don't reminisce about the past. We had a mortgage together so we have to meet up to discuss it (in the process of selling it but no one wants to buy )
keiji Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting in front of my ex-girlfriend. We no longer have much to say to each other and I feel like I don't know her anymore, so I discarded the possibility of being friends with her. Don't feel bad about it. Some people you want them in your life, some others not. You don't sign a lifelong contract once you start a relationship with them. On the other hand, contrary to some other members of LS, I don't see any problem in being friendly with an ex partner. We keep complaining about exes disappearing for good and not caring about us but we want our new partners to completely forget about their respective exes? It doesn't make any sense to me.
bummer Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I think you have a perfectly normal sentiment as the dumper.
PegNosePete Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 We had a mortgage together so we have to meet up to discuss it What's to discuss that can't be said in a 2-line email or 160 character text message? "Any buyers yet?" "No" Don't you have an estate agent / realtor handling things for you? If you don't enjoy spending time with your ex, why do you do it?
stillafool Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I agree with Peg that there was really no reason to meet with him, that's what phones are for; especially more than once. Yes, it's normal not to enjoy the company of an ex when you are in a relationship with someone else. I'm curious also why you spend time with him if you don't enjoy it?
Toodaloo Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 People grow. People move on and develop new ideas etc. I shouldn't worry about it.
gaig Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Some exs can do it, but your case is toxic. Your ex is continuously talking about the past (he hasnt moved on?) and you are describing what a charismatic seller you've been selling out his gifts to you!!! Nothing good there, better to cut contact. Protect yourself and him as well 1
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