mrada34 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I've been reading other forums on this issue and have found a lot of posts that I could relate to. This is my first post on this site (and it's super late for me right now). So, please bear with me as I try to explain my problem. I am having the hardest time getting over my first breakup. I really don't know what it is, but I just cannot stop lingering and thinking over all that I have done wrong to get to the point that I have gotten to. I feel like I should be better than this. I'll be a senior in college next year. I guess not, though. Like I said, this was my first real relationship. Didn't even last that long compared to others (really only like 6 months or so), but we did have something. So, here's the story. We were only facebook acquaintences who were brought together by her mother beforehand. She knew my family back when I was a lot younger and then we moved away. But we talked every now and then because we shared a lot in common. We didn't live very close together, though, so a) I never really got to be more than just a facebook friend and b) I never tried to really go after her. One day, though, we got to talking and I said to myself, why not at least try. And, in short, it worked out. Not trying to just tell my relationship story, though. Just setting up some backstory to head into this. I told her back during the beginning of our relationship that I never wanted things to get weird between us. And if she thought that we should ever go our separate ways or that we wouldn't end up being a good match that we could always still be good friends. She happily agreed. So, 6 months or so down the line. We had some good times, but I think we both started to notice the relationship not working. I don't want to give details, but I was a romantic (something I never knew I was before) and she, the complete opposite. In fact, she never wanted anything to go beyond casual. I was never overwhelming with it, but we could already see our differences. I was the one to bring up the conversation. I said that I was thinking we should take some time to think about whether or not we both want to continue this. She agreed and we took some time. I eventually said that I want to give it one more shot and that we just needed to work on a few things. But that we were still worth one more shot. She didn't agree, though. So, that night, we broke up. She was very nice about it and we left completely respectful towards each other wishing each other the best in life and hoping the other would find happiness. I wish I left it at that. I kept contacting her afterwards in heartbreak. I thought I was strong enough to handle it, but I just wasn't. The crushing reality that she all of the sudden didn't feel the same way anymore, the void that opened up. It hurt. I started to overthink on what all went wrong between us. I had a few answers, but I just couldn't let it be. It was about a week afterwards that I texted her just something casual. She actually seemed to be happy that I contacted and it felt great to know she still at least cared for me as a friend. I wish I had left it at that too. But I didn't. I kept contacting her. And little by little, that care started to seemingly go away. It then turned into annoyance. I kept apologizing for the constant contact and she forgave me and agreed with me when I said thanks for still being a friend. But I kept contacting her. If anything, I was just wanting to fill the void that she left I guess. As selfish as that sounds. Just to know that she still cared felt great. But the contact kept coming. I would be able to leave it alone for a week, but the urge would be too much. I guess she became overly annoyed because she eventually stopped responding. I then got passed around by her friends and family who kept explaining to me that it wasn't that she wanted to hurt me or that she didn't like me anymore, but she needed a break from all my emotion and contact. I agreed to give space. But was only able to do so for something like two weeks. I messaged her about putting this all behind us and just being casual facebook friends again. She didn't respond, but her sister did. Telling me to back off, which made me feel worse. Since then, it's been a spiral of feeling guilty about feeling guilty about feeling guilty. Why I had to ruin the friendship after the breakup. It's now been two months since the breakup. She has now blocked me on facebook. This was after sending a message apologizing for the way that I had been for the past month and I was ready to respect her wishes of no contact. She actually replied right beforehand and said that she would remember the good times, but that it was best that we went our separate ways. So, here I am. Two months after the breakup and I'm still beating myself up over my mistakes that I made. This turned out to be a lot longer than I anticipated. So, if you've stuck around this long, thanks for reading my story. All I can seem to think about is being friends with her again, though. Should I just drop it? Is there even any hope now for us being friends again in the future? I've come to the point of realizing the relationship wouldn't work, but would friendship just make things worse between us? Am I completely crazy for doing what I did? Any help or thought would be appreciated. Thanks everyone.
PegNosePete Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Yes, you should drop it. You've acted very much like an annoying stalker, pestering her with so many messages and unwanted contact. I am not surprised she blocked you. When someone tells you they don't want to hear from you again, they usually mean it, and disrespecting that wish is not going to endear you to them, it's just going to annoy them and make them hate you. Can you be friends 6 months, a year, 2 years in the future? Who knows. Don't worry about the distant future for now, worry about today. You cannot be friends today or tomorrow or next week so for now, BLOCK her and all her family and friends. You are not together for now, you are not friends for now, and this is simply going to hold you back and keep you hurting. You need to get over the relationship and move on. Then maybe one day after that you could be friends again, who knows what the future holds. But while you still have feelings that is NOT possible and will just hurt you more and more.
Author mrada34 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 Yes, you should drop it. You've acted very much like an annoying stalker, pestering her with so many messages and unwanted contact. I am not surprised she blocked you. When someone tells you they don't want to hear from you again, they usually mean it, and disrespecting that wish is not going to endear you to them, it's just going to annoy them and make them hate you. Can you be friends 6 months, a year, 2 years in the future? Who knows. Don't worry about the distant future for now, worry about today. You cannot be friends today or tomorrow or next week so for now, BLOCK her and all her family and friends. You are not together for now, you are not friends for now, and this is simply going to hold you back and keep you hurting. You need to get over the relationship and move on. Then maybe one day after that you could be friends again, who knows what the future holds. But while you still have feelings that is NOT possible and will just hurt you more and more. Thanks for the reply. It seems I've finally been able to respect her wishes. Wish I had chosen to do so sooner, but I guess it's better now than never. Since I was blocked, it's been no contact with any one of her family or friends. (Except her mother who messaged me saying that she hoped everything was going all right and wished things had worked out between us.) I handled things very wrong after the breakup. I feel so sick about the way I treated her afterwards,, but I'm choosing to view it as a learning experience to build upon for my future rather than a hinderance to my happiness. I'm hoping I can start feeling a little bit free again with each passing day now. Hopefully she can now too.
adelfue Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 Hi , I think it's good that you are respecting her wishes , I understand after a break up , the person that gets dumped is usually the one who is trying to resist and just fight for the relationship then the begging come and the pitty messages let me tell you that wont change a thing , if they already made up their mind that's it at the moment , don't talk to her even if it hurts you , look at it this way think of her as something that gives you allergies... that if you keep on contacting her she will just cause you depression and anxiety and worry you don't want that right? I was dumped one month and a half ago and I understand what you are going through it sucks I know... but it gets better once you understand that self love is the answer to everything take care of yourself think of yourself first!!!! HEAL and be more positive I know its hard when somebody just leaves but focus on self love that is all you need no one should and cannot take away your happiness from you , that is something you create within! get yourself to be the best version of yourself focus on your happiness , let go of hope stop contacting her , if she needs something she will reach out but you need to just do you and let the good things come to you do not resist don't pitty yourself. you are strong keep the no contact and let life flow it has good things for you , join a gym or do something cool , I know you have read it before but to be honest its the only way out! obsessing over them and harassing will not take us anywhere! I wish you the best luck and good transformation.
Author mrada34 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Hi , I think it's good that you are respecting her wishes , I understand after a break up , the person that gets dumped is usually the one who is trying to resist and just fight for the relationship then the begging come and the pitty messages let me tell you that wont change a thing , if they already made up their mind that's it at the moment , don't talk to her even if it hurts you , look at it this way think of her as something that gives you allergies... that if you keep on contacting her she will just cause you depression and anxiety and worry you don't want that right? I was dumped one month and a half ago and I understand what you are going through it sucks I know... but it gets better once you understand that self love is the answer to everything take care of yourself think of yourself first!!!! HEAL and be more positive I know its hard when somebody just leaves but focus on self love that is all you need no one should and cannot take away your happiness from you , that is something you create within! get yourself to be the best version of yourself focus on your happiness , let go of hope stop contacting her , if she needs something she will reach out but you need to just do you and let the good things come to you do not resist don't pitty yourself. you are strong keep the no contact and let life flow it has good things for you , join a gym or do something cool , I know you have read it before but to be honest its the only way out! obsessing over them and harassing will not take us anywhere! I wish you the best luck and good transformation. I think this has been the most helpful comment I have received about this situation. I cannot agree more. My problem is that I cannot seem to accept that she can't even accept me just as a casual friend again, even though we agreed to keeping friendship after the breakup (of which she was very excited to keep). Kinda shortened that detail in the story. So, I've been beating myself up about messing it all up and cannot seem to let it rest. It's still very hard to accept, but I've been able to keep the no contact this time around. If not to be able to help her out, then to help me out. I guess it's time to stop stressing about it and let it go.
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