Pink_Glitter Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Hi all, I'm new to the dating scene and I'm not experienced at picking up hints at all. Here is a bit of background information : We both are in our mid 20s, I'm working and he is doing his PhD. We met on an online dating website and have been on 3 dates already in the span of 2 weeks. Our dates usually consist of going for drinks, dinner and a movie. We have a lot in common and there are no breaks in our conversations, however, I'm not really picking up any 'sparks/ romantic notions from him. He has not held my hand nor kissed me. The only physical contact is the goodbye hug, even so it's a short one before he shoots off like he's running away from me lol He has tried to placed his hand on the curve of my back once. Hm, he texts me everyday as well and sends me pictures of what he is doing daily. However, I'm not sure if he is doing that in a friendly manner because he is bored. Could it be that this is a more affordable alternative for a student as he mentioned about his tight budget. I have been a student before so I fully understand his situation. Just wanted to know whether he is interested in me in a romantic way. He has also invited me over to his place to cook together and then watch TV. If he hasn't held my hand nor kissed me, I shouldn't make an assumption of him hinting at sex at his place right? Looking forward to your replies folks.
salparadise Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 If he's been taking you out for drinks-dinner-movie dates then he's interested. He may just be hesitant (shy) to make a bold move. Perhaps he needs a bit of encouragement? Of course it's less expensive to cook and watch tv––a lot less. He's probably been dropping a hundred bucks or more on those dates, and being a student he probably is on a subsistence stipend. Have you been kicking in or expecting him bear the entire cost (since you're working)? So here are a few safe assumptions: He's dating you because he's interested.Dating usually involves sex, for adult vertebrates.Frequent dating (drinks-dinner-movie) is too expensive to be sustainable for a student who doesn't have access to a fat bank account.Cooking in and watching tv is sustainable, and normal.Cooking in and watching tv can lead to sex, but it doesn't have to.You can decide when you're ready. It's ok to give him some encouragementIt would probably be appreciated if all of this became reciprocal at some point. 6
Author Pink_Glitter Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Thank you for your input. He pays for drinks always but we do go Dutch when it comes to dinner and movies. I do like the guy and I'm looking for a long term relationship. I'm not ready for sex yet as an emotional bond has not been established and I think we're still casually dating. It's too soon to ask for going exclusive I think.
Gaeta Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Visiting each others home is part of getting to know someone. Being invited over for a 4th date is perfectly fine. If you don't want to have sex then don't. As simple as that. Don't get in his bed and don't get undressed. You learn a lot about people by visiting their home. This may revive your interest in him. 5
BrownEyedGurl1 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Visiting each others home is part of getting to know someone. Being invited over for a 4th date is perfectly fine. If you don't want to have sex then don't. As simple as that. Don't get in his bed and don't get undressed. You learn a lot about people by visiting their home. This may revive your interest in him. This. I see a lot of posts here where going to someone's house means sex is expected. I haven't found that to be true mostly (just a few a-holes assumed it., guys genuinely into you, its just part of the dating process). I know I get tired of going out all the time too. 7
SwordofFlame Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 If you do go, just be prepared for him to attempt to initiate sex. 3
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Visiting each others home is part of getting to know someone. Being invited over for a 4th date is perfectly fine. If you don't want to have sex then don't. As simple as that. Don't get in his bed and don't get undressed. You learn a lot about people by visiting their home. . I agree!! Which begs the question, have you visited your boyfriend's home yet? Given your above post.... I assume the answer to that question is yes?
mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 He's at least thinking you're going to have sex so expect him to make a move.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 It's business time LOL..... I am really into movies too and often attach links ... but gotta say that looks like one weird movie!!! Is that you in the clip?
Shanex Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 In the past, I invited women over in my place after 2-3 dates out. I didn't push for sex.. Just having coffee.. Visiting and seeing if she actually liked my place.. Then drive her home. Not every men inviting early on a woman will want sex. Just acknowledge there is no rules set in stone here. Date #4 and if you guys are irresistibly attracted to each other and sex happens..It doesn't seem wrong to me.
phineas Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 When I invite women to my house they tell me "no sex" so I don't try. Then they end up initiating. LOL!
lolablue17 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) You see? You, girls are just impossible. The whole farce in expressed by your post. When a guy acts naturally and is attracted to you and want to have sex, you reject him for his "rudeness". But when he tries to be a gentleman, you are bored. In your initial post you point negatively: "I'm not really picking up any 'sparks/ romantic notions from him. He has not held my hand nor kissed me. The only physical contact is the goodbye hug, even so it's a short one before he shoots off like he's running away from me lol He has tried to placed his hand on the curve of my back once" But in your second message you say: I'm not ready for sex yet as an emotional bond has not been established... It's too soon to ask for going exclusive I think..." He is tight with his budget, yet you let him pay for all the dates, and if he didn't pay, you would have kicked him away. The guy is just trying to survive the game you (girls) force him to play. You've managed to program this human being to a robot, and now you are disappointed because of your own creation. YOu judge him for every single gesture, you analyze his moves. How can a man be natural on these impossible terms? You carefully and systematically make sure that he will follow your tough rules, and after that you wonder why you don't get the sparks... Oh. come on... You punish your self while obeying rediculous rules. Are you curious about him? Are you attracted to him? Go and give him a kiss, instead of wasting so much energy, following stupid conventions that don't lead you to anywhere. Edited July 9, 2016 by lolablue17
Gaeta Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 He is tight with his budget, yet you let him pay for all the dates. I think you missed the part where she said they go dutch. 1
Dis Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I was in a similar position as you. I went out on 3 dates with this guy...he didnt kiss me on any of the dates. We had an amazing mental connection...we had so much in common...great convo...we had alot of fun together...I could be myself with him right off the bat. But back then my way of thinking when it came to dating was not to proceed dating a guy if he hasnt made a move by the 2nd date. So after the third date I really thought the romantic spark wasnt there so I let him down as easy as I could. Keep in mind when these dates were going on...I didnt have much dating experience either...I had unrealistic expecations and at the time...I went for the bad boys too A few days ago (months after our 3rd date) we got to talking again. I decided to give him one last shot...and he blew me away!!! The convo was amazing as usual...we had a blast and at the end of the date he gave me the most passionate kiss I've ever had!!!...the spark was there finally. A day ago he asked me to date him exclusively. I guess he just needed alittle time to build up his confidence level and go for it. Some guys are just shy at first. Put yourself in his shoes...its not easy making the first move right??? Wouldnt you be alittle nervous going in for a first kiss??? Of course I'm not recommending you wait forever for him to make a move. We do need physical contact/spark with the person we're dating. Maybe you going to his house for dinner will help him feel relaxed and will help you two get closer physically. When you guys watch tv...dont be afraid to cuddle and get cozy...that will probably help him work up the courage to go in for a kiss. So dont write him off just yet...sometimes it just takes alittle while for that spark to go off
lolablue17 Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 I think you missed the part where she said they go dutch. Yes, you're right. I missed it.:cool:
joseb Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 LOL..... I am really into movies too and often attach links ... but gotta say that looks like one weird movie!!! Is that you in the clip? It's a tv series - those kiwis are a little weird! Bit of an acquired taste, but there are some gems in it. 1
Teknoe Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Hi all, I'm new to the dating scene and I'm not experienced at picking up hints at all. Here is a bit of background information : We both are in our mid 20s, I'm working and he is doing his PhD. We met on an online dating website and have been on 3 dates already in the span of 2 weeks. Our dates usually consist of going for drinks, dinner and a movie. We have a lot in common and there are no breaks in our conversations, however, I'm not really picking up any 'sparks/ romantic notions from him. He has not held my hand nor kissed me. The only physical contact is the goodbye hug, even so it's a short one before he shoots off like he's running away from me lol He has tried to placed his hand on the curve of my back once. Hm, he texts me everyday as well and sends me pictures of what he is doing daily. However, I'm not sure if he is doing that in a friendly manner because he is bored. Could it be that this is a more affordable alternative for a student as he mentioned about his tight budget. I have been a student before so I fully understand his situation. Just wanted to know whether he is interested in me in a romantic way. He has also invited me over to his place to cook together and then watch TV. If he hasn't held my hand nor kissed me, I shouldn't make an assumption of him hinting at sex at his place right? Looking forward to your replies folks. I think he definitely likes you and is interested, but has been a bit shy/reserved. I can relate a bit. Actually it's funny, the girl I'm currently seeing I have not done more than a simple hug. But I do like her. Just haven't found the right moment for that first kiss yet, and I'm guessing your date is in a similar situation as me. Dinner at home is more intimate and chill. It's just you two so maybe you will both relax a bit more. I actually have a dinner date at home tonight, but let me share from my own perspective. As a guy, I'm not inviting her over for sex. I'm not even bringing a condom because sex is off the table for me. However, I would like to kiss her on this 3rd date (otherwise I risk her losing interest or wondering if I like her or not. So I can tell you NOT EVERY guy is looking for sex on the first home dinner date. However, I'm probably very different from the average guy. So don't take my word for it. I think you need to be mentally prepared for a case where he will attempt to initiate sex, but that you have exit plans (i.e. never head to the bedroom, never undress, and pulling away if the kiss becomes a make out session). Relax, have fun! Hopefully the home dinner date goes well for both of us
Author Pink_Glitter Posted September 17, 2016 Author Posted September 17, 2016 Thanks for the input everyone and the dinner date went really well. We didn't have sex, he just wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. Here we are roughly 3 months later and after a lovely weekend away to meet his family, I feel heart broken. His ex gf messaged me and told me to back off because them two were back together. She also mentioned her pregnancy. I then talked to my boyfriend about it and he did not deny that this could be true because the timing seemed so right (it's been 9 months since they last slept together). He also said that if he was the father he would take full responsibility. I admire his decision to take care of the child and acknowledge that this happened before we met. But I can't help but feel upset. I feel like if I decide to stay in this relationship, sooner or later the two of them would rekindle their relationship. And that I'd always be his second or third priority. Am I childish for thinking this way?
Lois_Griffin Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 Thanks for the input everyone and the dinner date went really well. We didn't have sex, he just wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. Here we are roughly 3 months later and after a lovely weekend away to meet his family, I feel heart broken. His ex gf messaged me and told me to back off because them two were back together. She also mentioned her pregnancy. I then talked to my boyfriend about it and he did not deny that this could be true because the timing seemed so right (it's been 9 months since they last slept together). He also said that if he was the father he would take full responsibility. I admire his decision to take care of the child and acknowledge that this happened before we met. But I can't help but feel upset. I feel like if I decide to stay in this relationship, sooner or later the two of them would rekindle their relationship. And that I'd always be his second or third priority. Am I childish for thinking this way? I think there's a WHOLE LOT your boyfriend isn't telling you. The pregnant girlfriend seems to think they're back together, and there's a reason for that. Your boyfriend is acting as though he's had nothing to do with her but that the 'timing' is right. I think there's been a whole lot of communication and a lot more between these two. Someone's lying to you and I don't think it's her. 5
stillafool Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 Thank you for your input. He pays for drinks always but we do go Dutch when it comes to dinner and movies. I do like the guy and I'm looking for a long term relationship. I'm not ready for sex yet as an emotional bond has not been established and I think we're still casually dating. It's too soon to ask for going exclusive I think. OP, make sure you tell him the above and also if you aren't good at taking hints always ask for clarification so you will have a clear understanding.
stillafool Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 T His ex gf messaged me and told me to back off because them two were back together. She also mentioned her pregnancy. I then talked to my boyfriend about it and he did not deny that this could be true because the timing seemed so right (it's been 9 months since they last slept together). He also said that if he was the father he would take full responsibility. I admire his decision to take care of the child and acknowledge that this happened before we met. But I can't help but feel upset. I feel like if I decide to stay in this relationship, sooner or later the two of them would rekindle their relationship. And that I'd always be his second or third priority. Am I childish for thinking this way? What did he say when you told him the ex gf told you to back off because they are back together? Did he deny it and offer to set her straight?
elaine567 Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 OP, make sure you tell him the above and also if you aren't good at taking hints always ask for clarification so you will have a clear understanding. See the update about his pregnant ex.
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