LoverOfDance Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Hello loveshack, thank you for your interest in this thread. So I have a question to ask. I was chatting with a girl today and I told her that I wouldn't date a handsome guy who was also a jerk. I also told her that I would not date a nice guy who I wasn't attracted to. If a guy is nice and I am not attracted to him, we become friends (that is if he wants to be friends with me as well). I don't understand why I would date someone I know very well I am not attracted to. Niceness is not enough if you ask me and being handsome is not enough either. I want to date a guy that I am attracted to and who also has a good heart as well. If someone only has one of these qualities, it is not enough for me. The girl I was chatting with called me shallow. Do you think I am?
CryForNoOne Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Absolutely not. There is nothing wrong with wanting to only date someone if you are attracted to their mind and body. The only caveat being that massive list making does cross the line of being shallow. If very specific physical traits become requirements like must be a ginger, must be between 5'10 and 6'2, must have certain career or hobbies gets to be a bit much...
Ami1uwant Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Is the kettle black?????? You are judging a relationship strictly based on looks is by definition shallow.
katiegrl Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 (edited) Is the kettle black?????? You are judging a relationship strictly based on looks is by definition shallow. Wha? No she's not. OP said she only wants to date a man she is "attracted to." Being "attracted to" someone is different from and goes deeper than merely finding them attractive physically. *Attracted to* encompasses mental, emotional and physical. It's that mutual chemistry you feel that goes way beyond just looks. She also said she would "not" date a man she was not attracted to, even if was handsome. Which clearly indicates she is not shallow cuz if she were shallow she would "only" date men who were handsome! OP you are fine. I only date men I am "attracted to" also which again goes way beyond merely finding him physically attractive. Edited July 6, 2016 by katiegrl 3
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 OP, you're not shallow for not wanting to date a person you aren't attracted to. In fact, it's very important to become romantically involved only with a man you're attracted to. And the ones you're not attracted to? Someone else will find them attractive and will get involved with them.
Els Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Being attracted to someone should really be a basic requirement for a relationship. I suppose if you could ONLY be attracted to, say, men who make >200k a year, or men who are > 6 feet tall, etc - then yeah, your pattern of attraction might be shallow. But that doesn't appear to be the case here. Desiring someone you are attracted to is completely normal and right.
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