mortensorchid Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I decided to try OLD again. Why? I'm not sure. I have just about given up on people and trying to find someone decent. And yet, I have two friends who are getting married next month and they are/were nicely matched, and they met on POF. I guess this gives me some hope that there is a lid for every pot. I have hope deep within that someday it can happen. I don't want to believe that every man out there worth his salt is either married, living with someone, emotionally unavailable, or attracted to the same men I am. There has to be SOMEONE. 4
Gaeta Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Like anything else in life if you really want something you have to have a plan and to not give up. I met over 200 men in 3,5 years of being online and I finally met someone. Not everyone is made to be online. Use other means to meet. Tell everyone you are looking and they'll be happy to play match makers. In any cases you need to do one thing. You need to believe in it, if you don't then it's just a waste of your time. 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Like anything else in life if you really want something you have to have a plan and to not give up. I met over 200 men in 3,5 years of being online and I finally met someone. Not everyone is made to be online. Use other means to meet. Tell everyone you are looking and they'll be happy to play match makers. In any cases you need to do one thing. You need to believe in it, if you don't then it's just a waste of your time. Wow, 200? I'm lucky if I can get 2 or 3 women per year to agree to meet in person. 1
mammasita Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 It can definitely happen. I met mine on POF in 2013......3 years strong now. 1
Toodaloo Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I know of two sets of twins that are the fault of PoF... Parents are very happy together and have been for years. Both happy couples say that you just have to persevere, be tough with people that do not match and keep going. Both say its hard work but very much worth it. 2
CryForNoOne Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Like anything else in life if you really want something you have to have a plan and to not give up. I met over 200 men in 3,5 years of being online and I finally met someone. Not everyone is made to be online. Use other means to meet. Tell everyone you are looking and they'll be happy to play match makers. In any cases you need to do one thing. You need to believe in it, if you don't then it's just a waste of your time. Geez. I'm trying not be judgmental here but how picky are you if it took meeting over 200 men before you finally met someone? I hope you had some shorter relationships in between. I mean these 200 men were already the pre-screened ones that passed the looks and basically compatibility test. So we're talking 1 in 2000? 1 in 20000? I've met about 20 women in about 3 months being online and that resulted in a 3 year relationship and now a new one that is about a month in...
Author mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 So far not great results with OLD. Once again getting hellos from guys with neck tattoos, prison records and a four kids by four different women. Disconcerting.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 So far not great results with OLD. Once again getting hellos from guys with neck tattoos, prison records and a four kids by four different women. Disconcerting. How do you know they have prison records?
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 How do you know they have prison records? I am assuming they told her? She would need their full name, birth date, and state of conviction .... to research that on her own. I dunno maybe some guys are proud of it, wear their prison record like a badge... Nothing would surprise me with OLD...
Dark Horse Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Wow, 200? I'm lucky if I can get 2 or 3 women per year to agree to meet in person. That's just because it's a lot easier for women online, at least initially. Women are more likely to get the first interview. But even though it's easier for them, that's not an excuse to give up. 1
insert_name Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) That's just because it's a lot easier for women online, at least initially. Women are more likely to get the first interview. But even though it's easier for them, that's not an excuse to give up. Problem is it is a numbers game- the more you meet the greater your chance of finding a match. When, as a man, you can only date at a rate of 2 or 3 new prospects every few months, maybe 10 in a year, you are really going to struggle to tip those odds in your favour. The less eligible you are as a man the more you will struggle with rejection. Look at Gaeta needing 200 dates to find compatiibility, how long does it take the average man to rack those sort of numbers up? Years! Edited July 9, 2016 by insert_name
Shanex Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 (edited) OLD can be exhausting and as Greta pointed out it can be quite a long path. Ive stumbled upon POF and was dipping my toes in the online dating scene back in 2004. I met ~40 women. Some of them I kissed, a few I had sex with. And I am not alone in the situation. It's basically the reason Loveshack.org exist. Patience is often the key. Too many people "skip" or ghost on each other for no reason whatsoever. We get too easily distracted nowadays to focus on just one individual. Edited July 9, 2016 by Shanex
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Problem is it is a numbers game- the more you meet the greater your chance of finding a match. When, as a man, you can only date at a rate of 2 or 3 new prospects every few months, maybe 10 in a year, you are really going to struggle to tip those odds in your favour. The less eligible you are as a man the more you will struggle with rejection. Look at Gaeta needing 200 dates to find compatiibility, how long does it take the average man to rack those sort of numbers up? Years! Yeah, she must live in the big city or something. Not sure why anyone would want to date that many in a short period of time. Imagine the money she's saving on dinners and drinks, just kidding. :-D Wonder how she manages. I've known some women to quit online dating altogether...the sheer numbers in their inbox shocks them into deleting their profiles within days.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Yeah, she must live in the big city or something. Not sure why anyone would want to date that many in a short period of time. Imagine the money she's saving on dinners and drinks, just kidding. :-D Wonder how she manages. I've known some women to quit online dating altogether...the sheer numbers in their inbox shocks them into deleting their profiles within days. In defense of Gaeta, a few of those guys she *did* have short term relationships with, but they didn't work out..... it happens. Others there was no mutual click, others she rejected, and others, the man rejected her..... It wasn't like she met 200 guys and just said ..... sorry NEXT!! I read one story where a man met 80 women on POF in one year, and the 81st one he clicked with, and married her a year later..... It is good to be resilient and not take everything so personally! Just keep going, as another poster said it's a numbers game. I don't like OLD for other reasons... 3
Dis Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 It is good to be resilient and not take everything so personally! Just keep going, as another poster said it's a numbers game. This is true. I'm pretty experienced with OLD. I'm dating a guy exclusively right now and we met on pof. OLD takes alot of time, patience, thick skin and like katiegrl said, resilience. It sounds like you just started so dont expect to meet Mr. Right right now. It also sounds like you have a pretty negative approach to OLD. If I can give you one piece of advice that really helped me...its all about perspective and staying positive. I remember months ago I had such a negative outlook on OLD and my attitude towards it made it that much more difficult for me. You need to have a postive, realistic attitude in order for you to succeed and bounce back from disappointments.... For example...most of the guys that message you wont be right for you. Its the 9/10 rule. 9 out of 10 guys that message you wont fit the bill. But there is that one guy that might. Considering this 9/10 rule (which I found to be accurate) its going to take some serious time hun. I suggest you adopt a positive, realistic attitude as you proceed. Trust me...it'll make a huge difference! Best of luck to you hun!!!
joseb Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 So far not great results with OLD. Once again getting hellos from guys with neck tattoos, prison records and a four kids by four different women. Disconcerting. So are you ONLY getting messages from guys like this? If so, I would agree it;s disconcerting. But I'm guessing you are getting messages from other guys too?
grays Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Like anything else in life if you really want something you have to have a plan and to not give up. I met over 200 men in 3,5 years of being online and I finally met someone. Not everyone is made to be online. Use other means to meet. Tell everyone you are looking and they'll be happy to play match makers. In any cases you need to do one thing. You need to believe in it, if you don't then it's just a waste of your time. Thanks for sharing this! I've probably met 130 or so people in almost two years of OLD and it's hard to tell if I'm getting closer to what I want, but obviously you never know till you meet that one. I'm having a slight downturn in my mood about it right now because I'm really just craving a steady person to cuddle and talk to. Seems all I can find is great sex, but it could be worse. One thing that I'm grateful for is that I actually LOVE online dating. Out of all those first dates, I would guess about four or five had no redeeming value. I haven't had any truly negative experiences. But the vast, vast majority had at least some positive value to me even if it was just fun to sit and chat and have a meal or a drink with someone. I've also managed to have quite a few nice ongoing relationships (mostly FWB or non-exclusive dating), one of them just ended (I think this is why the downturn in mood for me) but was only a couple of weeks shy of a year. I have awesome men that I'm somewhat attached to all over the country and a couple beyond. Several of those come back and visit when they're in town. There are four that I text with on a daily or at least weekly basis. There was one I fell in love with who had to move to another state for his job. (So far he's the only one I could imagine being in a real exclusive relationship with.) Right now I'm actively seeing two guys, one for about five months and the other for three. Neither of them is quite right for a partner, but I really like and enjoy both of them. And of course I've got four or so I'm in negotiations for a first date with. I know this must sound crazy to some people, but I really just enjoy meeting people and connecting w them on some level. I'm a very average looking person, but I throw myself into it w gusto because I'm enjoying the process and am looking forward to eventually finding one to settle down with a bit. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Thanks for sharing this! I've probably met 130 or so people in almost two years of OLD and it's hard to tell if I'm getting closer to what I want, but obviously you never know till you meet that one. I'm having a slight downturn in my mood about it right now because I'm really just craving a steady person to cuddle and talk to. Seems all I can find is great sex, but it could be worse. One thing that I'm grateful for is that I actually LOVE online dating. Out of all those first dates, I would guess about four or five had no redeeming value. I haven't had any truly negative experiences. But the vast, vast majority had at least some positive value to me even if it was just fun to sit and chat and have a meal or a drink with someone. I've also managed to have quite a few nice ongoing relationships (mostly FWB or non-exclusive dating), one of them just ended (I think this is why the downturn in mood for me) but was only a couple of weeks shy of a year. I have awesome men that I'm somewhat attached to all over the country and a couple beyond. Several of those come back and visit when they're in town. There are four that I text with on a daily or at least weekly basis. There was one I fell in love with who had to move to another state for his job. (So far he's the only one I could imagine being in a real exclusive relationship with.) Right now I'm actively seeing two guys, one for about five months and the other for three. Neither of them is quite right for a partner, but I really like and enjoy both of them. And of course I've got four or so I'm in negotiations for a first date with. I know this must sound crazy to some people, but I really just enjoy meeting people and connecting w them on some level. I'm a very average looking person, but I throw myself into it w gusto because I'm enjoying the process and am looking forward to eventually finding one to settle down with a bit. Well, I guess you're happy as long as you're getting laid. Otherwise you'd be complaining like the rest of us. lol
longjohn Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Problem is it is a numbers game- the more you meet the greater your chance of finding a match. When, as a man, you can only date at a rate of 2 or 3 new prospects every few months, maybe 10 in a year, you are really going to struggle to tip those odds in your favour. The less eligible you are as a man the more you will struggle with rejection. Look at Gaeta needing 200 dates to find compatiibility, how long does it take the average man to rack those sort of numbers up? Years! That's exactly why I as a man don't like OLD.. too many women run the "numbers" and unfortunately I don't want to be a number nor would I want to treat a lady as yet another number to mill through in the hopes of finding the right one. I've been a number on at least one occasion and guess what I didn't return her calls or texts because I'm not a number or that guy that does this or lives there. I don't want mixed up with other guys. 2 or 3 a month as a man? what man is that? Is that your idea of "average" because I must be superman or something and I consider myself average. I could run more than that per night just by going for the ladies that are running the numbers! I find it rather insulting to be like ok this lady was crap next I'd like to think some of us out there still treat people like people vs cattle or something on Amazon to be eyeballed then dropped into a cart and setup on a date with? This isn't to mention the many, many people out there always looking for someone better and going squirrel on us by not making up their mind what they want as they can't focus due to all the attention. Maybe I'm old fashioned but put me in a room with a group of people and a few drinks and we'll all have a chat see what happens or not.
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 In all seriousness, I wanted to add that online dating, I think, destroys the organic nature of meeting people that someone would have considered going out with if they DID meet them face-to-face. There had been a few women I saw online that I know we'd be a decent match enough to meet in person. We had pretty much matched in everything, geeky stuff, sci-fi, morals , belief systems, etc. I recall a local science teacher that was into comic book movies and sci-fi and shared my same beliefs. She was average looking, but cute, but she said that she didn't think we'd make a good match. I had asked her, "Why do you think that? Considering all the things we have in common, why not give it a shot?" OLD messes up the organic nature in a sense, in that I knew some of these women I met online I KNOW would have gotten date from if I'd met them in person. I knew of a guy on POF, apparently he sent a message to a woman locally, she didn't respond...he spotted her at a local event, chatted her up, got her #, and they dated ever since. He said to her, "You know, I emailed you on POF..." and she was like "OMG, if I knew you were the way you were, I would have responded!"
Larryville Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 The only thing that I would say to somebody who is going to continue to tackle online dating is don't take the same approach every time you decide to get on a dating site. Change up your pictures change your profile slightly don't spend so much of your free time constantly browsing through profiles you will drive yourself crazy. One thing that I started doing that has helped relieve some of the frustration of online dating is that I don't stay on one particular site for too long. Not too long ago I recently started a 30-day rule for each site I might go through some profiles check out and tried to message some people who seem interesting if it works out cool if not I move on quickly but then after a while if things don't work out I take a break I completely take down my profile and I won't get on one for maybe 30 days or so. The people who get so upset at their failures spend way too much time and with each perceived failure it just makes you more down in the dumps and you don't want to torture yourself that way. One thing that people need to remember is I believe the longer we go down the road fewer people actually want to be in a relationship. More and more I'm just simply finding that a lot of women just want some sort of a partner to do things with (fwb) nobody wants to be in relationships anymore. I must admit even myself I'm used to being single now and it's much harder for me to tolerate some of the things that I come across with some of the people that I meet. I've said before I honestly don't think that I will ever be in a full-fledged relationship. There will certainly be a number of women who I can enjoy some times with but I'm beginning to think that the idea or the concept of a relationship is nearly impossible now. Sure some people will get lucky but just like there are lottery winners some win the big lottery some win a few dollars. Trying to find that special someone is extraordinary difficult these days and you just have to go into online dating understanding that. yes certainly stay positive but you must always be realistic
Dark Horse Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I'm just trying to even get a date At 21 years old and no experience with women whatsoever, I feel like i'm missing out. I need to get a jump start. I think my problem is that i'm a sensitive person. I don't like being rejected all that much. It's kind of hard for me to handle.
Aniela Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 So far not great results with OLD. Once again getting hellos from guys with neck tattoos, prison records and a four kids by four different women. Disconcerting. I know a great guy who has tattoos all over his arms, and just got a large one on his chest. Owns his own business, great father. I gave up on OLD a few years ago, but that's partly because I just felt like crap in general. I hope you have better luck this time.
joseb Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 I'm just trying to even get a date At 21 years old and no experience with women whatsoever, I feel like i'm missing out. I need to get a jump start. I think my problem is that i'm a sensitive person. I don't like being rejected all that much. It's kind of hard for me to handle. Rejection is hard for everyone. How many times have you been rejected this month? This year? Maybe you just need more practise!
Dark Horse Posted July 10, 2016 Posted July 10, 2016 Rejection is hard for everyone. How many times have you been rejected this month? This year? Maybe you just need more practise! Well my buddy who's 27 and i'm 21, he's going to help me out approach women on the street this Tuesday hopefully. Iv'e never done it before. I'm so desperate, i'll do anything. He says that the success rate is higher than it is online, I guess we'll have to wait and see.
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