tigerblues79 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 We met at work and dated for 6 months. The entire time we dated we kept it a secret from everyone at work (we are in different departments and it was at her request). She was convinced that people would view her negatively because of dating a coworker. After only a few weeks, she told me she just wanted to be friends and that there was "no spark". I cut off contact with her and then two weeks later we end up hanging out and she then tells me she wanted to kiss me. The next night she comes over and basically jumps me. After that everything was great. We got a long so well and would spend 48+ hours straight together (talking/having sex/dinner/movie/etc.). We both met each others friends. She went with me to a wedding out of town and talked about planning trips together. It always felt like she had a time limit set though and like she was waiting for me to leave her (she has some self esteem issues). She would even ask why I was with her.She's 29 and at 4 months she told me that i was the longest relationship she had ever been in which seemed weird. Well three weeks ago on the same day we were both starting in the same flag football league she broke up with me. She said she didn't see a future. She said at 6 months she felt like she should be feeling all the feeling she thought she would feel when she was in love. At the same time she said she could spend the rest of her life with me and be content but that she had to go with her instinct and be single again. She said she owed it to herself to see if someone else could stir up the emotions inside of her that she was looking for. She also said that i was her best friend and that she talked to and shared more with me than she had ever shared with someone else. i know the answer is probably no contact but i can't help but wonder if this is all because she has never been in a long term relationship and she got scared. it all really sucks because she became one of my best friends. i told her i couldn't lift her up or cheer her up anymore when she is down because it hurts me but she keeps saying she misses me. she also says if we are meant to be together then we will find out way back to each other.. sorry for the lengthy post but i feel like i just needed to type all of this out
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 she also says if we are meant to be together then we will find out way back to each other.. what crock of poo, my ex-fiance used that exact same line on me as he was moving out of our home to go get "space to figure things out" Turns out he was having an affair with someone he met at work and couldn't wait to start dating her out in the open but had every intent to string me along so that if it didn't pan out with his work troll he could have me as the runner-up door prize. Forget THAT action! Don't ever be anyone's consolation prize. When someone tells you that line combined with the waffly actions you just described in your post, see it as them waiting to see what better comes along before they commit to you. Sorry if I sound jaded but I've seen this now over and over on here and all our stories end up the same unfortunately. I hope yours is different. 1
whatnot Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 It does suck to lose a friend. There's no tea leaves to read here. She's told you how she feels. End of story. Missing you isn't "I love you and am coming to be with you.". Its...just...."Missing you". (And no.....few human beings can get dumped and support the dumper for dumping them. Been there tried that. Way too painful. Was for me anyhow). Take care
ExpatInItaly Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 29 and her longest relationship was 4 months? Perhaps she's just a late-bloomer, or perhaps there's more than meets the eye with her. Something is keeping her from sticking around. In any case, you know how she feels now. She doesn't want a relationship. It's not fun but it's better that she told you now than stringing you along and then ditching you when she finds someone else.
Author tigerblues79 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 (edited) So first off thank you to those that responded [] I've decided that no contact is the way I need to go but at the same time I don't want to be a complete ******* by just ignoring her. She never tried to hurt me and was just honest with the fact that she wasn't feeling like she was in love with me. I know no contact is what I need to do but we also have similar groups of friends and play in two of the same sports leagues (not on the same team thankfully). Basically my question is if I should just tell her I don't think we should talk if we ever have a hope of being friends. She has texted me and used the company messenger a few times in the last few days. I have waited to text her back and just gave very short answers. I don't want to be a Dick and just ignore her though because I'm going to see her whether I want to or not. So should I just tell her I don't think we should talk? I feel like just flat out ignoring her would be really messed up because she never did anything wrong to me..she was just being honest. What should I do? Edited July 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator merged threads ~6
Rimbaud59 Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 No. It's genuinely because of the lack of 'spark,' ' my girlfriend said the same thing too. I then said spark doesn't matter to which she replied she wasnt sexually attracted. It means the same thing. That is, she's not 'in-love'. Having such short relationships she craves that. Without the spark it's not romantic love.
Author tigerblues79 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 I appreciate the response but what was the no to? The original post or my no contact question post?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 So first off thank you to those that responded [] I've decided that no contact is the way I need to go but at the same time I don't want to be a complete ******* by just ignoring her. She never tried to hurt me and was just honest with the fact that she wasn't feeling like she was in love with me. I know no contact is what I need to do but we also have similar groups of friends and play in two of the same sports leagues (not on the same team thankfully). Basically my question is if I should just tell her I don't think we should talk if we ever have a hope of being friends. She has texted me and used the company messenger a few times in the last few days. I have waited to text her back and just gave very short answers. I don't want to be a Dick and just ignore her though because I'm going to see her whether I want to or not. So should I just tell her I don't think we should talk? I feel like just flat out ignoring her would be really messed up because she never did anything wrong to me..she was just being honest. What should I do? You don't need to tell her this. Just do it - don't reach out to her. Block her on any social media. If she persists, let her know you don't think it's a good idea to be friends right now. It's not because you have a malicious intention, but you need to give yourself space to heal and move on. Maybe someday you could be friends again. But staying in close contact now will hurt you when she starts seeing someone else.
Rimbaud59 Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I appreciate the response but what was the no to? The original post or my no contact question post? Original post. Don't take not being sexually attracted as a slight, she obviously found you attractive if she was having sex.
Author tigerblues79 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Posted July 7, 2016 You don't need to tell her this. Just do it - don't reach out to her. Block her on any social media. If she persists, let her know you don't think it's a good idea to be friends right now. It's not because you have a malicious intention, but you need to give yourself space to heal and move on. Maybe someday you could be friends again. But staying in close contact now will hurt you when she starts seeing someone else. I appreciate the answer but I can't block her on my company messenger because there is no way to block someone. I also will see her whether I want to or not every Sunday for the next month (sports league). I'll try and just cut her off but she keeps reaching out to me
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2016 Posted July 7, 2016 I appreciate the answer but I can't block her on my company messenger because there is no way to block someone. I also will see her whether I want to or not every Sunday for the next month (sports league). I'll try and just cut her off but she keeps reaching out to me When I said social media, I meant Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and the like. Professional obligations obviously do not fall into that category. So, be civil at work. You can easily put a stop to her reaching out to you. You simply tell her it's not in either of your best interests. Block her number if need be. If you don't want to, that's a different story. Be careful. I think you are going to get hurt again if you keep in touch with her.
Author tigerblues79 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 Again thank you to everyone.. Haven't had contact since Tuesday night...it's definitely very weird and pretty depressing so I know it's the right thing to do. Part of the difficulty for me is that I really don't want to be an *******. I was the first guy to ever say "I love you" to her and sadly I didn't say it until we were breaking up and it was over text. I wanted to say it 20 times before but was scared it would freak her out. I've debated going and at least saying it to her face so at least she could have someone say it to her. I know it would be useless and I completely recognize that but having someone say they love you over text for the first time a guy has said that partially feels wrong. This is basically why I don't want to be a dick. I don't want her to think about the first guy that said "I love you" being an ******* that just straight up ignored her after.. I guess that is the issue with me being a good guy that has a good heart...
Heart..PLS STAHP Posted July 9, 2016 Posted July 9, 2016 Part of the difficulty for me is that I really don't want to be an *******. I was the first guy to ever say "I love you" to her and sadly I didn't say it until we were breaking up and it was over text. I wanted to say it 20 times before but was scared it would freak her out. I've debated going and at least saying it to her face so at least she could have someone say it to her. I know it would be useless and I completely recognize that but having someone say they love you over text for the first time a guy has said that partially feels wrong. This is basically why I don't want to be a dick. I don't want her to think about the first guy that said "I love you" being an ******* that just straight up ignored her after.. I guess that is the issue with me being a good guy that has a good heart... I know how you feel but this is wrong. I tell you this because I have really low self esteem and respect for my feelings. Listen you sound like a good guy but trying to prove that to her I think is pointless. She already knows this. Don't break NC really. When you see her in person and she inevitably come to you and asks why tell her that you really don't hold anything bad against her it's just you need to heal. Make her see reason that you being without her is hurting you and nobody wants to feel hurt all the time. Tell her that you need space, you need to set your mind to something else right now and heal up. Eventually when you move on you can be friends (even though I don't see a point to this). Good guys finish last mate... rarely we get to win you are not a dick for wanting what is best for you! For wanting to feel good and be free of sadness.
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