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What do you folks make of this?

Kslaker8

By Kslaker8
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Kslaker8 New Member

Kslaker8

Posted
Posted

Hey guys,

 

A little bit of background, I had been in an on and off relationship for about 7 years. We were each other first love, first sexual relationship, and nothing bad ever happened. However, the off was always initiated by me, I would get cold feet, bored, and question my love for her. But we always got back together because we do have very strong love for each other.

 

The last time we broke up was last July. But nothing had changed, we just removed the title. From last July, up until the middle of this May, we had remained as close as we were, spending tons of time together, doing things with each others families, hooking up etc etc.

 

On June 1st of this year, two weeks after our last date and hookup, she tells me she has been out a couple times with somebody else, and that it was going well, they are now together.

 

She told me that she still loves me, and that she has not given up on us, but is done holding back on new opportunities. And quite frankly, I cannot blame her, given all the cold feet instances I have had in the past, she is not going to wait around.

 

So, its not technically a break up, given we havent been "together" since, last July, and its not like she left me for somebody else or anything.

 

But i would like to know what you guys make of this. Is it possible for her to have gotten over me since last July, all while continue our normal associtation with each other? Is it possible for her to go into another relationship and be serious about it, while she still loves me?

 

I just am in shock, and trying to comprehend everything thats happened. Because while it wasnt a breakup, it still feels like one, a bad one. A huge part of my life, part of me, was just taken away.

 

Let me know what you guys think, thanks.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

She doesn't LOVE love you anymore. She's probably now looking at a degree of fondness for you. And yes, she's moving on. A year is more than enough time to get over an on-again-off-again relationship. That bit about her not giving up on the two of you is just lip service.

 

Make sure to remind yourself that this isn't about her being taken away. You gave her away.

 

It's time for you to move on too. And while you're at it, have a look at why you kept pulling away - you don't want to ruin another relationship like this.

  • Like 2
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

Posted
Posted

She hoped you would want something serious and gave you several months to a year to grow into that. That didn't happen so she started seeing if there was something better for her and unfortunately it sounds like she has found that.

  • Like 2
Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted (edited)

She got tired of your ambivalence and wanted something more than you gave her.

 

She's growing up and has realised that a hot and cold boyfriend/FWB isn't what she wants.

 

This is your karma.

 

 

Take care.

Edited by Satu
  • Like 1
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

So if she gives up this new guy and comes back to you, won't you get cold feet again a few months down the line?

 

I'm not sure what you expect? I get that you are in shock that she isn's always "there" for you like all the other times but realistically be honest with yourself, you don't even really want her do you? Could it be more that she actually moved on before you did? If that's the case identify that and don't beat yourself up with the other things like

 

A huge part of my life, part of me, was just taken away.

 

 

Yes you will definitely feel the loss because you were used to being with her but feeling the loss of the relationship is different than feeling the loss of the person you were with. I'm sorry you are hurting.

  • Like 1
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Kslaker8 New Member

Kslaker8

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I have no option but to agree with everything thats been posted, as much as my heart it reluctant to. I recognize the fact that its my fault, and i cant blame her the least bit. The guilt and shame for my inabilty to have a mature, adult relationship is making this harder, but what was i suppose to do when i didnt know any better?, however, like mentioned, this is my karma and i need to deal.. And I will rise from this as a better, wiser, kinder person, and someday a partner. Thank you for the replys.

  • Like 1
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sometimes comments on here can come off as harsh, I'm sorry if my post came across that way I am not trying to be mean or to make you feel bad I would like to help you tap in to clarity.

 

You are right, if you didn't know any better of if you were confused about her then you would waffle back and forth.

 

I am trying to help you see through that confusion so that you don't go so hard on yourself. You are actually not as confused as you think you were about her, I think you knew that she wasn't right for you somehow or wasn't what you wanted at the time, but all the other thoughts that were circling around in your head were muddling that up. Confusion often works that way, we already know what we want to do in a situation it is all the ruminating that challenges that decision that creates that confusion.

 

What I am saying is, yes this was a wakeup call but once you get past the idea that you are missing the relationship, you will see that what you did is actually what you wanted even though it hurts when it finally happens.

 

Yes be a kinder partner in the future, that is an excellent goal to have. You are already wiser. :)

Edited by Sunkissedpatio
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

She loves you, but she isn't in love with you anymore.

 

She sees that after 7 years this isn't going anywhere. So she's seeking out more promising opportunities, in the sense that someone else will commit to her in a way you haven't.

 

That's not necessarily a critical remark on you - something is holding you back from committing to her, too. I think you also know, deep down, that she isn't The One.

keiji Established Member

keiji

Posted
Posted
Hey guys,

 

A little bit of background, I had been in an on and off relationship for about 7 years. We were each other first love, first sexual relationship, and nothing bad ever happened. However, the off was always initiated by me, I would get cold feet, bored, and question my love for her. But we always got back together because we do have very strong love for each other.

 

The last time we broke up was last July. But nothing had changed, we just removed the title. From last July, up until the middle of this May, we had remained as close as we were, spending tons of time together, doing things with each others families, hooking up etc etc.

 

On June 1st of this year, two weeks after our last date and hookup, she tells me she has been out a couple times with somebody else, and that it was going well, they are now together.

 

She told me that she still loves me, and that she has not given up on us, but is done holding back on new opportunities. And quite frankly, I cannot blame her, given all the cold feet instances I have had in the past, she is not going to wait around.

 

So, its not technically a break up, given we havent been "together" since, last July, and its not like she left me for somebody else or anything.

 

But i would like to know what you guys make of this. Is it possible for her to have gotten over me since last July, all while continue our normal associtation with each other? Is it possible for her to go into another relationship and be serious about it, while she still loves me?

 

I just am in shock, and trying to comprehend everything thats happened. Because while it wasnt a breakup, it still feels like one, a bad one. A huge part of my life, part of me, was just taken away.

 

Let me know what you guys think, thanks.

 

This reminds me a lot of my own story, even the timings. It's obvious that she got tired, just like my ex-g got tired of my inability to commit to her. She may think of you and miss you like hell, and the guy's probably a rebound, but she knows the relationship with you isn't going anywhere. That one's on us, mate. You have to let her go.

 

That said, you also have to ask yourself why you weren't so invested in the relationship. As somebody else said in a previous post, it's obvious that she wasn't the one. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had any doubts. We suffer when they leave, and suddenly they become the most perfect beings to ever grace this planet, but it's not them that we miss. Also, ask yourself why you were in that relationship for so long when it's obvious that it didn't work. It's something that I keep wondering and working on every day since the breakup.

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