DKAlyson Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I've been meaning to post here for some time as this site really helped me out last summer during my break up. My boyfriend of two years at the time had just returned from working overseas for two months and promptly broke up with me in a text message! He said he didn't think he could make me happy. I confronted him in person the same day and he expressed that he knew I wanted the tradition of marriage and children and he wasn't sure if he ever wanted either of those things. I was heartbroken, shocked, hurt, angry, every emotion you could imagine. I left that day feeling unsure if he had ever loved me but also steadfast in knowing that if we didn't want the same things it would've never worked between us anyway. He texted me once to say hey the week of the break up and I did not respond. After that we had absolutely zero contact for two months. It was a difficult time I cried most days at first and obsessed over what went wrong. I went on with my life though. I hung out with friends, I worked out, I vacationed, I dated. I did things even when all I felt like doing was laying in bed and wallowing in my heartache. It still hurt but I felt like I was on the right track. After two months I was definitely beginning to heal but I still felt like I had to get some things off my chest. So I did the big no no on most of these sites, I wrote him an email expressing my sadness and anger about the way things ended through a simple text after 2 years of a mostly fulfilling relationship. I accepted that we weren't meant to be because we didn't see the same future and wished him well. Surprisingly I got an email back within hours. He apologized for the way he handled the break up and said he had been pushing everyone away at the time after some professional set backs. He expressed that he did in fact love me but became scared at the prospect of "our future". He also wanted me to know that he missed me. I had written the email for myself really. I just wanted my feelings to be out there even if he never responded. His response was more than I expected and I felt finally ready to move on. He texted me to ask if I'd seen his email. We texted back and forth for awhile that day, I accepted his apology and I thought that was it. Then he started messaging me. Telling me he missed me and knew he'd screwed things up. He knew we had a good thing. I stuck to my guns. I eventually wanted marriage and children and wasn't going to sacrifice that. We chatted back and forth for a few weeks. He was always expressing that he missed what we had. I missed him too of course but was hesitant. Our break up had been traumatic. That being said I agreed to meet up with him to talk. He admitted to being fearful of commitment in the past but wanted to try again. I agreed to take things slowly just dating at first. By New Years we agreed to re enter a committed relationship and now 6 months later we are looking at engagement rings and planning to get married. So even though I didn't necessary set out to use no contact to get back together with my ex it did work out that way. If I hadn't written that forbidden email he may never have found the courage to reach out to me. He thought he was being respectful by staying away after he'd hurt me. Every situation is different and only you know yourself, your ex and your relationship so my advice would be to do what feels right to you and what you think will work best to help you heal.
gaig Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 He thought he was being respectful by staying away after he'd hurt me. You probably felt that that might be the case, so that was one of the reasons you wrote that letter, right? Well done, then! And most probably you got the timing correct, it took you 6 months to write that email, right?
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