brianls Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Hey everyone, I was dating a girl who has borderline personality disorder for a couple months and for those who can relate.... it was a roller coaster ride. A lot of ups and downs and a lot of smooth talking to get your partner to realize they are going crazy over the smallest things. Anyways... we broke up a month ago due to her accusing me of being with another girl, which I was NOT. we made plans one Saturday to hangout and when the time came to meet up she was busy. So i ended up doing my own thing for the night and she flipped out. She spam texted me and called and to be honest, I was a bit distant and short with the texts/calls which made matters worse. She told me the next day that she was heartbroken and could never trust me ever again. said she "knows" I was with another girl and no matter what I say it will never change her mind. So we talked it over and sure enough we warmed up to each other and had sex again. She told me she can't see me romantically anymore but only sexually. So we had sex that one last time and things were just.... off. she asked me if I thought she was fat and ugly cause I wasn't able to go a ROUND 2 like i usually do (god knows what she would have thought from that. probably thought i got my fix elsewhere). So we spoke a little after that day and since then we just fell off. No contact from either side and its been like that for a month. Granted I figured she moved on with some other guy cause she got sick of me and she started snap chatting herself at a party with tons of guys. So I fell into the immaturity and posted a picture of me and another girl. So its been a month, she still views my snapchat stories every time i post. She is usually always the first to break silence if we didnt speak for anything longer than a day. So now i'm on the edge of breaking my silence because I really do miss her. I haven't even slept with another girl since her. I know NC is meant to MOVE ON and heal YOURSELF. but please exclude that thought and hear my question out. Do you think if I held out long enough that a girl who wrongfully accused me of cheating would actually miss me and break her silence eventually? I was thinking of breaking the NC rule by either 2 options. 1) text her 2) show up to her restaurant where she is a hostess with my coworkers for lunch one day. I figure if i'm going to break silence why not do it in person right? Thanks all <3 1
Zahara Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 You said you dated a girl for 2 months who has BPD and it was a rollercoaster ride? Did you not learn a lesson? Stay NC. Unless you love drama, push forward and strive for a healthier relationship. 4
dumbass2 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Hey everyone, I was dating a girl who has borderline personality disorder for a couple months and for those who can relate.... it was a roller coaster ride. A lot of ups and downs and a lot of smooth talking to get your partner to realize they are going crazy over the smallest things. Anyways... we broke up a month ago due to her accusing me of being with another girl, which I was NOT. we made plans one Saturday to hangout and when the time came to meet up she was busy. So i ended up doing my own thing for the night and she flipped out. She spam texted me and called and to be honest, I was a bit distant and short with the texts/calls which made matters worse. She told me the next day that she was heartbroken and could never trust me ever again. said she "knows" I was with another girl and no matter what I say it will never change her mind. So we talked it over and sure enough we warmed up to each other and had sex again. She told me she can't see me romantically anymore but only sexually. So we had sex that one last time and things were just.... off. she asked me if I thought she was fat and ugly cause I wasn't able to go a ROUND 2 like i usually do (god knows what she would have thought from that. probably thought i got my fix elsewhere). So we spoke a little after that day and since then we just fell off. No contact from either side and its been like that for a month. Granted I figured she moved on with some other guy cause she got sick of me and she started snap chatting herself at a party with tons of guys. So I fell into the immaturity and posted a picture of me and another girl. So its been a month, she still views my snapchat stories every time i post. She is usually always the first to break silence if we didnt speak for anything longer than a day. So now i'm on the edge of breaking my silence because I really do miss her. I haven't even slept with another girl since her. I know NC is meant to MOVE ON and heal YOURSELF. but please exclude that thought and hear my question out. Do you think if I held out long enough that a girl who wrongfully accused me of cheating would actually miss me and break her silence eventually? I was thinking of breaking the NC rule by either 2 options. 1) text her 2) show up to her restaurant where she is a hostess with my coworkers for lunch one day. I figure if i'm going to break silence why not do it in person right? Thanks all <3 Yes. Don't think of contacting her again. It's up to her to come to you and apologize for making accusations that were unfounded. You should be pretty upset by that. If she really missed you and regretted her actions, then she would clearly make them know and I mean clearly, where there is no coming on here and asking "she sent me this, what does it mean?". Start moving on from her and try not to lose your self respect by contacting her again. Go have fun with other girls that hopefully aren't BPD. 1
Satu Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 She is the peanut to your peanut allergy. If its emotional chaos you want, you know where to find it... 4
Author brianls Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 i genuinely do enjoy the drama. its weird. me and her come from families where we fight a lot with our siblings and parents. I just thought about this right now tbh. Makes sense that we would like a little drama since we've grown up in a household where drama was pretty common you know? But honestly I miss her and the sex. as shallow as that sounds and I know i can find it elsewhere. but the way we left off didn't really feel OFFICIAL. like i figured we'd cross paths again eventually. just a matter of time. now to do it via text or go into her job and see her in person idk... its just that the summer is midway through and she heads back to school in august.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Im just curious how you know she is BDP. Was she tested and diagnosed or is this your deduction based on experience and what you read on that famous mysogynistic site that bashes women and deems them all BDP's. There is no doubt your g/f has issues based on what you described but seeing as you just explained you both come from homes with lots of fighting it could just be that she suffers from other afflictions.
Author brianls Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Im just curious how you know she is BDP. Was she tested and diagnosed or is this your deduction based on experience and what you read on that famous mysogynistic site that bashes women and deems them all BDP's. There is no doubt your g/f has issues based on what you described but seeing as you just explained you both come from homes with lots of fighting it could just be that she suffers from other afflictions. she sees a therapist and goes to retreats for meditation etc. to help cope with her BPD. she says she doesnt want to get prescribed medication and rather do it naturally.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 And.. Do you think if I held out long enough that a girl who wrongfully accused me of cheating would actually miss me and break her silence eventually? No. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 she sees a therapist and goes to retreats for meditation etc. to help cope with her BPD. she says she doesnt want to get prescribed medication and rather do it naturally. Oh ok cool. She is diagnosed. Not just Dr. Google's diagnosis. If she it suffering from it then you will be hard pressed to convince her that her delusions and paranoias are not what she thinks they are. For the the mind of the person with BDP, just like manics and schizophrenics it's very difficult for them to trust that what you are telling them is not what they are thinking. I'm dealing with this with a parent with dementia, there comes a time sadly where you just have to go along with their stories because their reality IS reality now. I'm not saying BDP is the same thing, but unless you are willing to work with her (for example the day you did your own thing for the night and were short and not responding to calls and texts, that just fuels her paranoia) if you want her in your life you need to practice a lot of patience and understanding. You guys sound young, I feel for her, but is that what you want...great sex aside?
Author brianls Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Oh ok cool. She is diagnosed. Not just Dr. Google's diagnosis. If she it suffering from it then you will be hard pressed to convince her that her delusions and paranoias are not what she thinks they are. For the the mind of the person with BDP, just like manics and schizophrenics it's very difficult for them to trust that what you are telling them is not what they are thinking. I'm dealing with this with a parent with dementia, there comes a time sadly where you just have to go along with their stories because their reality IS reality now. I'm not saying BDP is the same thing, but unless you are willing to work with her (for example the day you did your own thing for the night and were short and not responding to calls and texts, that just fuels her paranoia) if you want her in your life you need to practice a lot of patience and understanding. You guys sound young, I feel for her, but is that what you want...great sex aside? I genuinely miss her and enjoyed her company. it was just her insecurities and BPD that made things so rocky out of nothing. when she was cool she was so good to be around. I just don't know if NC is the right route for this situation. she also accused me of being a man whore for how good i am sexually. so she has a lot of red flags towards me and im not even doing anything to truly trigger these responses from her. these are all things shes built up in her mind to "analyze" me and judge me. I just don't know how i could get her back.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I genuinely miss her and enjoyed her company. it was just her insecurities and BPD that made things so rocky out of nothing. when she was cool she was so good to be around. I just don't know if NC is the right route for this situation. she also accused me of being a man whore for how good i am sexually. so she has a lot of red flags towards me and im not even doing anything to truly trigger these responses from her. these are all things shes built up in her mind to "analyze" me and judge me. I just don't know how i could get her back. Oh I feel for you That is really tough, to be accused like that over her preconceived notions. I can relate to some of that since my ex used to accuse me of some pretty ridiculous things based on his insecurities alone. Does she realize that she goes into a paranoid state? Has she explained to you what she bases those accusations on? I mean, for example, you said she thinks you are a player because you are good in bed, but has she offered any other rationalization for jumping to that conclusion? I mean sometimes we are as good sexually as our chemistry with a certain person allows, if you know what I mean. The better the chemistry between two people the better the sex it's not necessarily that we are perfect lovers, but it works in that dynamic. I don't know a lot about BDP but I do know that it is like being bi-polar for example, therapy alone won't cut it medication usually helps these people regulate the manic thinking. And I'm not sure you can fix that Im afraid... Would she be open to taking medication? Keep in mind some people's dynamics bring out the worst fears in each other rather than the best traits.
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 If you want her back you are going to have to make the move to convince her that there was no cheating or anything funny that night. But once you do, there will be many many more instances like this so unless she is willing to see someone about medicating her then there isn't much hope that after you do get her back you won't be down this path again in a few months' time. Im surprised she was diagnosed and she isn't willing to explore mediation. She must realize she isn't coping.
bummer Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 i genuinely do enjoy the drama. its weird. me and her come from families where we fight a lot with our siblings and parents. You have an exciting road ahead. Go with option two and visit her work directly. Make sure it's dinner rush. Bring a date for company in case she's not there and you wish to eat. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 You have an exciting road ahead. Go with option two and visit her work directly. Make sure it's dinner rush. Bring a date for company in case she's not there and you wish to eat. That just made me laugh so hard! Correction: I keep saying "BDP" I mean BPD obvi.
whatnot Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 i genuinely do enjoy the drama. When we're still missing the reasons we broke up over in the first place, we're not finished with it yet. I know I wasn't. I'd long for the very things that pushed me away in the first place. Don't worry. It's still there...even more so. Go test my theory. Keep us posted!
Author brianls Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 i'm going to to her restaurant tomorrow for lunch with a couple coworkers. keep it real simple and exchange a couple words if I get the chance.
Author brianls Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 When we're still missing the reasons we broke up over in the first place, we're not finished with it yet. I know I wasn't. I'd long for the very things that pushed me away in the first place. Don't worry. It's still there...even more so. Go test my theory. Keep us posted! lets just hope it's mutual. she was after all the crazier one so I would hope she sort of misses the drama and "heartache". she said she loves me and hates me....but loves me more than hate.
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