robwhatever Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 So here's the deal. I was in a job for 6 years that made me absolutely miserable. My manager was threatening me alienating me, making false claims, ridiculing me, coercing subordinates to make hostile narratives against me. I had circumstances that prevented me from getting out of that job. 40k in Student loans, I had started the job during the recession and some issues with my family and personal life. I met a girl and we started dating for 10 months. I was in love with her but there was an escalation at work ( this occurred at month 7 into the relationship). An undergrad at the lab I worked in told me she was afraid of our manager. So I asked her to write a statement because I was tired of being the hostile atmosphere . Low and behold she throws me under the bus. The manager takes her out to lunch coercing her to go to HR. Then the manager lies on a statement saying the undergrad feared for her safety. The undergrad later says she never said such a thing when I quit that job This whole thing is messed up and I slip into depression. I lose my confidence because things are looking uncertain for me. My girlfriend immediately starts complaining about it, she says things like why did you stay for so long? Why are you telling me these things? I feel stuck, I don't think that even if you quit that you'll change. She also apologize for being unfair to me at times. Yet she keeps on doing the critical passive aggressive behavior being extremely critical of me during a really rough patch of my life. We hit a rough patch ourselves and I told her that I'm letting her have space. After a week she decides to meet with me and tell me she's going to give us a chance to work things out. I see her twice and both occasions things seem ok. The third time I come over after quitting the job from hell and I expected her to be happy for me. Instead she was indifferent, apathetic and totally shut off to me clearly her behavior suggests that she isn't excited that I left the job . I tell her I'm leaving that I'll bring her stuff over. She stops me at the porch , we talk again, at this point I'm in dispair and I become emotional. ( Unknown to her was the fact that I had just started SSRi's and I was having the worst kind of side effects) . I leave telling her that I need space like a month or two ( mainly because I want to work on my depression) She texts and calls me that night waking me up asking me if I'm ok after basically treating me like crap earlier that day. Of course I'm mad and not thinking and I tell her that she's running that's she not committed to the relationship ( because I felt now that I quit my job she was going to give up on me because her actions and words suggested as much ). She gets livid. She comes over gets her stuff throws a fit , makes a scene and walks out. She meets with me for tea 2 days later. It's more of a control thing for her . She doesn't listen to what I have to say it's more about establishing control now that we broke up. We go into no contact for a week. I break that no contact, I write a letter acknowledging my mistakes or things I could have done better and I don't fault her for the difficult situation I was in and how it may have impacted her. I send her maybe 3 facebook messages ( she had not removed me at that point) explaining the SSRis because I didn't want her to feel guilty. I told her that I wanted her to be happy and that I pushed her away because I felt I couldn't give her what she deserved and that is what she wanted. I was trying to be fair to her. She unfriends me tells me to stop messaging her and of course I send her an email explaining that I was still grieving. She tells me to stop emailing her so I comply . Do you think it's a lost cause? Of course I'm moving on without expectation of reconciliation but up until the point where the conflict at work caused the strain in our relationship it was great and we were both happy. A mutual friend says that she cares about me a lot and she is hurting but she'll be ok.
bummer Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 She unfriends me tells me to stop messaging her and of course I send her an email explaining that I was still grieving. She tells me to stop emailing her so I comply . Do you think it's a lost cause? Yes. Emphatically so. Work on yourself. Get a job for you. Get out of the depression for you. Leave her alone, for her and you.
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