Hamish57a Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I'm single, seperated 8 months and never going back. I dated a woman for a bit, like 2 weeks and was smart enough to see that she wasn't for me. I met her friends and one in peticular was really nice. We just hit it off, but just friends. I suppose I have a few friends like that. Anyway when I broke up with the friend of two weeks I chatted with her friend and told her how comfortable I felt with her. Of course she told her friend and I was deemed off limits. Them being friends I could see it but now they had a big blow up and they aren't friends. So the girl I like sends me a message to tell me this. But now she's in a casual relationship. A friend with benifits relationship and she wants to know if I could also be a friend with benefits.I don't know what to think. I like her and not sure if I could do it. I mean sex is great and I tend to think I'm pretty good at it( all us guys do lol) and god only knows I'm not ready to fall in love again. She says she can keep love and sex totally apart. I'm a guy I should be able to right. And she has said she's not interested in a relationship. But I am sorry of. Like I mean I'm not sure if I can do it. What do you think. I'm not getting anything now and I could really use some. 1
RecentChange Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Just because you are a guy doesn't mean you are cut out for it. Some men really can't / don't compartmentalize and seperate sex from emotion. It sounds like you are in a vulnerable emotional space - I wouldn't recommend it. 2
Author Hamish57a Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 I've always thought that theirs just too much emotion involved in sex. I mean I feel the emotion and I love it and it's amazing but a wham bam thank you mam isn't really for me. But I like this girl. And she likes me and we can talk and laugh and be friends. But she is doin the other guy too. I don't know. 1
elaine567 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I've always thought that theirs just too much emotion involved in sex. I mean I feel the emotion and I love it and it's amazing but a wham bam thank you mam isn't really for me. But I like this girl. And she likes me and we can talk and laugh and be friends. But she is doin the other guy too. I don't know. I don't think you are cut out for FWBs if you link emotion with sex, before you know it you will be head over heels and she will not want to know and dump you forthwith. FWBs is an arrangement for sex, "feelings" are discouraged. A FWB arrangement does not often lead to a real relationship, as people tend to deliberately choose people as Fwbs, who they do not see as "relationship material". In that way, they keep their feelings in check. 3
LostOnes05 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I'm a guy, late 20s...I could NEVER be in a FWB situation. I definitely can't compartmentalize sex and love. In this case, you both want different things...she doesn't want and relationship and you do. She already has a friend with benefits, so how will you reconcile your feelings when she tells you she's with the other guy? What happens if you get her into the early stages of a relationship and she has sex with someone else, and says it was just sex (because she can compartmentalize the two)? I think you would do better to tell her that's not what you're up for, but if she is ever interested in a relationship to give you a call, and walk away. It will probably garner you a lot more respect than being FWB #2. And you can go out on dates with other women in the meantime...you may find someone who is more compatible and actually ready to be in a relationship with you. 2
Author Hamish57a Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 I think you're right, I can't , I think I'd still like to be her friend though and continue to let her get to know me. I know she was married for years and her husband recently passed. She's told me she doesn't want to look after another guy. I'm not looking for someone to look after me so perhaps shell see the difference in time or she may even miss out on a great guy. Thanks everyone I do appreciate your comments even if they seem shallow lol 1
Satu Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Full disclosure: "Love without sex is a shame, but sex without love is worse." Thats just my take on it, ymmv. 2
Author Hamish57a Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 Full disclosure: "Love without sex is a shame, but sex without love is worse." Thats just my take on it, ymmv. That's class,ymmvt 1
SoThatHappened Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 She says she can keep love and sex totally apart. I'm a guy I should be able to right. One of you will probably get hurt, and based on what you've said so far, it will likely be you. 1
smackie9 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 For me I kept friendship and sex separate. I had np fulfilling the need, and carry on with my business. Spontaneous passion and NSA was actually pretty fun because I was young and lived in the moment. But I never let it get past a month. I moved on pretty quickly. You don't have to "hang out" with this girl, you could just meet up for sex, order in pizza and leave.
Author Hamish57a Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 We will see, I don't want to lose the friendship, I'm gonna visit her on Sunday just to talk and see how we feel about it all. No promises either way, I do Luke her, she is a friend and we will see. Thanks again
BrownEyedGurl1 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I dont agree with society's assumptions than men can separate sex from love and women cant. I think its more of an individual thing. There have been periods of my life where I think I could have (Ive had periods where Ive had no interest in dating and could do it then with a guy who has flaws I'd know Id never get over... but is attractive and funny enough to interest me sexually) but its not my style.
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