Dis Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I'm going on a casual meet up/date with a guy I've already gone on 3 dates with. We're going out for drinks. We always had an amazing connection mentally. We have alot in common, even strange little things. I feel very comfortable with him, on our first dates we talked for 5 hours. I feel like I can be myself 100% with him. The things I find hard to share with most guy are really easy to share with him. He's a great listener and he's funny too...I like that. He's always been really into me...its me who has shot him down before...telling him I felt more of a friend vibe from him. This was back when I didnt have alot of experience dating...maybe has some unrealistic expectations...I was pretty quick to move onto the next...forgetting what a great time we had together. He's a handsome guy...very italian looking...I like that. He's just very short...but then again I'm short too. But physically (besides his height)...yes, hes attractive and my type The thing is...he never kissed me on any of the dates. The second date went south (it was my fault...long story) so he really didnt have an opportunity. I feel like I need that kiss to determine if I'm into a guy romantically. I've never given any other guy more than 2 dates to kiss me...if he didnt...I moved on. But he's so sweet to me...god he would treat me like a queen if I told him I wanted to be with him. So a part of me wants to give him another chance. I told him this is just a casual meet to so no pressure to kiss or anything He says I'm, "intimidatingly attractive" So he gets nervous around me. But at this point I dont know if theres a point in him kissing me...I might have already friend zoned him....I'm not taking dating seriously right now...so I agreed to go out with him. I just dont know if this is a mistake....I also dont want to give him false hope if there really is nothing there. But now that I've been around the block alittle more and have realized a spark doesnt equal compatibility...maybe its worth it???? I'm lost.... 1
Satu Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 With you as confused as you are, he has no idea where he stands with you, and is holding back so as not to offend you. If you have no idea what you want, how is he supposed to know what to do? To be honest, I think you're wasting his time. 7
ThisisIt606 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I'm going on a casual meet up/date with a guy I've already gone on 3 dates with. We're going out for drinks. We always had an amazing connection mentally. We have alot in common, even strange little things. I feel very comfortable with him, on our first dates we talked for 5 hours. I feel like I can be myself 100% with him. The things I find hard to share with most guy are really easy to share with him. He's a great listener and he's funny too...I like that. He's always been really into me...its me who has shot him down before...telling him I felt more of a friend vibe from him. This was back when I didnt have alot of experience dating...maybe has some unrealistic expectations...I was pretty quick to move onto the next...forgetting what a great time we had together. He's a handsome guy...very italian looking...I like that. He's just very short...but then again I'm short too. But physically (besides his height)...yes, hes attractive and my type The thing is...he never kissed me on any of the dates. The second date went south (it was my fault...long story) so he really didnt have an opportunity. I feel like I need that kiss to determine if I'm into a guy romantically. I've never given any other guy more than 2 dates to kiss me...if he didnt...I moved on. But he's so sweet to me...god he would treat me like a queen if I told him I wanted to be with him. So a part of me wants to give him another chance. I told him this is just a casual meet to so no pressure to kiss or anything He says I'm, "intimidatingly attractive" So he gets nervous around me. But at this point I dont know if theres a point in him kissing me...I might have already friend zoned him....I'm not taking dating seriously right now...so I agreed to go out with him. I just dont know if this is a mistake....I also dont want to give him false hope if there really is nothing there. But now that I've been around the block alittle more and have realized a spark doesnt equal compatibility...maybe its worth it???? I'm lost.... It seems like he definitely likes you and is a little nervous around you since he finds you so attractive. As you have thrown the "friend" word around before, I don't think he will try to kiss you. If you want to find out if there's a spark, the ball is in your court to go in for the kiss. If you don't feel anything, then you know. You can even be honest with him, and say you wanted to kiss him just to see if there was a spark, letting him know there wasn't if that's the case. 3
Author Dis Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 With you as confused as you are, he has no idea where he stands with you, and is holding back so as not to offend you. If you have no idea what you want, how is he supposed to know what to do? To be honest, I think you're wasting his time. Thanks for the reply Satu. I actually spoke to him about things over text. I told him I had a great connection with him and always had a fun time with him but he needs to be more confident. He was really receptive of what I was saying and wanted to know more about how I felt. I told him when he didnt kiss me that made me question if something was there or not. He explained what was going on in his head....how I make him feel alittle timid...and then he kind of took the bull by the horns and asked me out. I know I'm confused...I think I'm making things much more complicated than they need to be...I just dont know how to simplify things in my mind 2
Satu Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Thanks for the reply Satu. I actually spoke to him about things over text. I told him I had a great connection with him and always had a fun time with him but he needs to be more confident. He was really receptive of what I was saying and wanted to know more about how I felt. I told him when he didnt kiss me that made me question if something was there or not. He explained what was going on in his head....how I make him feel alittle timid...and then he kind of took the bull by the horns and asked me out. I know I'm confused...I think I'm making things much more complicated than they need to be...I just dont know how to simplify things in my mind Its good that you spoke with him. See how you feel after that kiss 1
Author Dis Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 It seems like he definitely likes you and is a little nervous around you since he finds you so attractive. As you have thrown the "friend" word around before, I don't think he will try to kiss you. If you want to find out if there's a spark, the ball is in your court to go in for the kiss. If you don't feel anything, then you know. You can even be honest with him, and say you wanted to kiss him just to see if there was a spark, letting him know there wasn't if that's the case. Thanks for the advice I suppose I could make a move myself but I kind of cringe at the thought of having to do that...I feel like thats up to the guy It also depends on how tonight goes....I dont even know if I'll want to kiss him. Thats why I'm so confused...I dont know if the romantic chemistry is there or not. If I'm not feeling him in that way...I'd be hesitant to kiss him. But maybe a kiss would help me feel chemistry towards him...I dont know Thats where I'm confused
Satu Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Thanks for the advice I suppose I could make a move myself but I kind of cringe at the thought of having to do that...I feel like thats up to the guy It also depends on how tonight goes....I dont even know if I'll want to kiss him. Thats why I'm so confused...I dont know if the romantic chemistry is there or not. If I'm not feeling him in that way...I'd be hesitant to kiss him. But maybe a kiss would help me feel chemistry towards him...I dont know Thats where I'm confused Just see how you feel when you meet later. 1
Author Dis Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 Just see how you feel when you meet later. Will do Satu 1
Author Dis Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 I guess I just dont know if going out with him tonight is a good idea at all Or maybe I'm overthinking this... 1
Satu Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I guess I just dont know if going out with him tonight is a good idea at all Or maybe I'm overthinking this... Its worth going if it helps you to come to a conclusion about him.
Imajerk17 Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 (edited) Well, look at it from his end. --You shot him down (your words) --The 2nd date didn't go well because of what you did (again paraphrasing you) In light of all this.... Do you think he is even aware that you want to give him a chance? I may be missing some things but it sounds to me that you put yourself up in a (metaphorical) tower w a moat around it and you expect him to swim across the moat and climb the tower. Even Rapunzel helped her suitor out a bit--she was in her tower too but at least she let down her hair for her guy to climb up. So yes I think you need to decide if you are ready again, and if you are, then giving the guy more of a chance--i.e., meeting up w him again--is a good thing. ETA: I read your earlier post--but I still think the above is relevant and useful. Edited July 5, 2016 by Imajerk17 5
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Go out hon! If you feel like kissing him then tell him: Right now would be a good time for a kiss A kiss can definitely change things. I remember going on this 1st date with a guy and as we were leaving I had already made my decision to not see him again. Well, he stole a kiss from me and it hit me like a ton of brick! I wanted this guy lol, we dated a couple of months. 1
losangelena Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Thanks for the advice I suppose I could make a move myself but I kind of cringe at the thought of having to do that...I feel like thats up to the guy It also depends on how tonight goes....I dont even know if I'll want to kiss him. Thats why I'm so confused...I dont know if the romantic chemistry is there or not. If I'm not feeling him in that way...I'd be hesitant to kiss him. But maybe a kiss would help me feel chemistry towards him...I dont know Thats where I'm confused Do you have to have that figured out beforehand? I mean ... stop worrying about whether or not you feel romantic chemistry with him and just go out. The worst that happens is you kiss him and feel nothing. What have you lost? Nothing. You tried and it wasn't for you. There are worst things in the world than kissing someone you're not attracted to. Regarding your "no chances after the second date" rule, I think A) that's a bit of poppycock, and B) considering how squirrelly you've been with him (again), it won't hurt to just relax and see where the evening takes you. I'm with Gaeta, if you don't want to initiate a kiss (which is actually really quite fun sometimes), but he has no idea how you feel, telling him what to do is actually a great way of solving that problem. A man who's unclear will appreciate the tip. 6
BikerAccnt Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Or maybe I'm overthinking this... It sounds as if you are..overthinking it. It almost sounds as if you are trying to convince yourself he should just be a friend. Like you are fighting yourself. If you like him, let yourself like him. 1
jen1447 Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Dis, I've come to see that overthinking is your bread and butter. I really think you need to address that obsessiveness before you can hope to have a healthy relationship. 7
bachdude Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 If the second date went south, I was told by my date she had more friendship feelings towards me, and was told the third date was "just a casual meet to so no pressure to kiss or anything", I wound assume I was"friend zoned." Well, he doesn't need to assume that, you TOLD him that. So at this point, if you want the kiss, I'm afraid the ball is in your court. You either need to let him know clearly you would like a kiss, or you need to initiate it. 2
Ami1uwant Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 As a guy....he can't read you at all and is unsure how you feel which affects his confidence in this even going anywhere. He may even think now he has been friend zoned do the ball is in your court on initiating any Dort of romantic contact like holding hands or kissing. 1
Author Dis Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Omg he knocked my socks off!!!! Holy S****!!!! Wow I was completely for second guessing him We had the best conversation I think I've ever had with anyone in my life....never mind any conversations I've had on a first date He is truly an amazing guy...some of the things he said made me want to cry...he was talking about mental illness (I have bipolar but he doesnt know that yet) He was talking about the unfair stigma attached to it and how its the same as thing as a physical illness....but the way he talked about it...the way he articulated his words was truly beautiful.... That almost made me want to cry. It was like he said everything I was thinking. We talked about issues I'm having with my family..really ugly issues but he gave me the most beautiful thoughtful feeback that made me feel so much better. I've never had a guy listen to me like that. He said things I thought only I would say...things I thought I only I think Then he walked me to my car and we both went in for a kiss and omgggggg it was the most passionate kiss I've ever had!!!!! It wasnt an "I like you" kiss. It was a, "I want you so bad and I'm going to take you right now" kiss!!! Holy s***!! I've never been more pleasantly, overwhelmingly surprised by a guy in my life!!! It was amazing!!! I'm swooning all over my apartment lol 4
Teknoe Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 Omg he knocked my socks off!!!! Holy S****!!!! Wow I was completely for second guessing him We had the best conversation I think I've ever had with anyone in my life....never mind any conversations I've had on a first date He is truly an amazing guy...some of the things he said made me want to cry...he was talking about mental illness (I have bipolar but he doesnt know that yet) He was talking about the unfair stigma attached to it and how its the same as thing as a physical illness....but the way he talked about it...the way he articulated his words was truly beautiful.... That almost made me want to cry. It was like he said everything I was thinking. We talked about issues I'm having with my family..really ugly issues but he gave me the most beautiful thoughtful feeback that made me feel so much better. I've never had a guy listen to me like that. He said things I thought only I would say...things I thought I only I think Then he walked me to my car and we both went in for a kiss and omgggggg it was the most passionate kiss I've ever had!!!!! It wasnt an "I like you" kiss. It was a, "I want you so bad and I'm going to take you right now" kiss!!! Holy s***!! I've never been more pleasantly, overwhelmingly surprised by a guy in my life!!! It was amazing!!! I'm swooning all over my apartment lol Congrats! And to think, you were overthinking this and almost didn't see him. 1
Author Dis Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Congrats! And to think, you were overthinking this and almost didn't see him. Thanks Tek! I know I cant believe it!
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