Great 7 hour first date. No response to text, is he done?

July 5, 2016

Started talking to this guy on tinder last week.He messaged me first about a reality TV show I listed in my profile. Our convo was very light hearted and funny, I could tell he had a very sarcastic/ joking around personality sense of humor... and at first it was a little hard to decipher if he was being serious or joking over text (plus the fact we haven't met).

I gave him my cell if he wanted to text as it's easier. As an example of his sometimes (confusing) humor he texted my cell "Hey, it's (name) from Christian Mingle" ( I'm not on christian mingle and we met on tinder... but still he took me a second to figure out who he was). So the conversation is again light, lots of jokes, asking some of the basic questions about what we do,where we're from, schools, hobbies etc.

We found out we worked at the same place (huge local institution) also within the same department (also large and many sub divisions). He said "omg we have definitely met, you definitely know my boss.. we have to stop talking" ( again joking.. but kind of weird/hard to tell when its over text and you've never met). I said we most likely haven't met as I'm in building X and only sometimes travel to his area.

A few days of texting later i said something along the lines of " would you be interesting in meeting up at some point, texting for the sake of it is kinda pointless haha" he responded "wait, you mean... in person??" (again his interesting humor) and says things like " I thought we would just text forever and then get internet married" I was getting a bit frustrated and said something like "i don't want to force you to meet up, it doesn't seem like you're very interested" Then he replied that he was just kidding, and definitely did want to meet up. He started giving me some day/time options.

Anyways, long story short. He sees me at a local pool and texts me later saying he thinks he saw me but didn't say Hi b/c he wasn't sure it was me ( it was, however I didn't even recognize him). He also joked via text "are you happy? now we met!" I told him "you didn't say hi, so it doesn't count haha". At this point i'm wondering if he will even show to our date ( later afternoon drinks the next day, bc his humor is a little odd to me)

Date day rolls around. I'm by the pool and send a quick text asking if we wants to change venues and meet by pool (we're both members) or if he prefers the drink spot I'm happy to do that too. He said the pool sounded like an awesome idea and he'd be over. When we met we got along REALLY well. His humor was MUCH better in person and made more sense. It made for light, easy going,funny conversation. He said he can get along with almost anyone and was definitely charming. We cuddled (if that's what you even want to call it) a bit in the pool and talked a whole bunch. He asked me interesting questions (beyond standard first date interview) " what makes you happy?" "if you could have x or x super power what would it be?" told me a lot of interesting stories about his life and asked me about my childhood, friends, hobbies, etc.

He's relatively new to the city and said he only really hangs out with his work friends. Often works late hours by choice and misses his friends back home/having someone to call up easily. Also has a crazy roommate situation which he went into detail about and had tog et a lawyer. Wants to move out ASAP but can't break the lease.

It's getting towards the dinner hour and he asks if I want to get dinner with him. I say yes and tell him i just need to change my bags (get rid of pool stuff). My apartment was close by so I had him come up while I switched bags. He told me he really liked my place and then we left (nothing intimate happened then).

At dinner, we have more great convo and drinks. I tell him about my hobby and he asks me to demonstrate it in a park not too far away. I tell him I will only if he tries after me. So I show him and he makes an attempt as well. We talk, laugh more, and end up lying in the grass together which is where he first kiss, start making out a little... but not too much as we're in public.

We then start walking back towards my place. I invite him to come up to watch the local 4th concert on TV for a bit, he agrees. We talk more about my hobby and he asks if I have any videos of it and he'd like to see a performance. We watch it and he says it's very impressive and he think's i'm really good. we make out more,but do not have s*x of any kind. Nothing below the waist happened. However 2nd based with my dress off did. It was a hot and heavy make out session. He reached down on me but i moved his hand away and he didn't try again (just grabbed my butt and told me it was really nice). He definitely did not force more than what I was willing to do.

We made out for a while, watched some fire works, the concert on tv, and talked some more. It started to get late and he asked if i was going to "kick him out now". I said oh wow, it is! THen he started to gather his stuff to leave. He said we should see each other again and he would text me.

He texted me as he was on his way home saying I was "missing the show" aka fireworks he could see. We texted a bit about some inside jokes from the day. I told him "i had a nice time. you're a really good kisser. We should watch a horror movie and put your protective skills to the text ;)" ( that was referencing when I told him I liked horror movies, but am scared the night I watch them bc I feel like the characters are in my room waiting to get me. He told me he would protect me from them. As we were cuddling I told him i felt safe in his arms to which he replied he was glad he makes me feel safe). In person at dinner we agreed to watch a horror movie sometime together.

It shocked me a bit that his text response was " 2 spooky 4 me". As this aligned with his previous text humor and in person personality, I joked back to "leave the *chicken emoji* back home" (as he grew up on a farm). We texted a bit more teasing each other (he said a ghost was in my room/good luck) I joked back that I saw the ghost follow him out. He said "nope, the ghost actually stayed to watch you shower, I don't blame him" I joked back that hopefully his roommate didn't have any plots against him tonight ( he told me she's a little crazy) and I was going to bed/gnight. He replied he "couldn't wait, night."

This afternoon i sent him a snap chat which was another inside joke. He opened it right away. I then texted "how's your sun burn? Just had to stop at __ and lotion on my lunch hour". he hasn't responded..... It's been a few hours now. I'm not sure if he's disappearing? We had a really great time. He complemented me a lot, and would say things like wow you're on roll tonight (referencing my comments he found funny) and asked "wow, who are you?" as he was laughing at something funny I said or a story I told.

Also him saying as he left my place (post heavy make out and no s*x) that we should get together again... led me to believe we would see each other again.

Do you all think it's too soon to tell/ I'm overreacting if he will text me back? and want to see me again? Or do you think he's "done"?

July 5, 2016

snip

Do you all think it's too soon to tell/ I'm overreacting if he will text me back? and want to see me again? Or do you think he's "done"?

I think it's too soon to tell.

Most likely, he'll be in touch.

Stop watching the clock.

Decompress.

Take care.

July 5, 2016

Oh hun he's not done....he almost got sex, he will be back to give it another go.

July 5, 2016

quick update: he responded... we are texting back and forth, but not too rapidly..... should I wait for him to ask me out again, or should I suggest something for the weekend? I already have an idea (a place that was talked about on date 1)

Edited July 5, 2016 by ThisisIt606

July 5, 2016

Dial it back about 1000 degrees. Go make yourself busy. You are too available and sending him snaps and texts etc etc. Wait for him to ask you out again and don't do it at your or his house - go out and do something. Add a little mystery to yourself.

Don't sit around counting hours to reply. Make him work a bit.

July 5, 2016

“Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.”

- William Shakespeare, Twelfth night.

July 5, 2016

Dial it back about 1000 degrees. Go make yourself busy. You are too available and sending him snaps and texts etc etc. Wait for him to ask you out again and don't do it at your or his house - go out and do something. Add a little mystery to yourself.

Don't sit around counting hours to reply. Make him work a bit.

Quoted for agreement.

Just sit on your heals, OP. It's hard, yes, but the way this guy is acting would probably get my antennae up as well. Just take this one easy until you're more sure of is intentions.

I've said this before, but I feel like sometimes we get so wrapped up in what a new person does or says at the beginning, looking for clues to how they may feel about us, overanalyzing every little thing. That can backfire, though, as very often, someone who seems "into" us because of how we perceive xyz behaviors, can very quickly seem not interested because those behaviors are lacking. My advice, though maybe difficult, especially if you're an over-thinker, is just to sit back and see what he does in the coming hours/days.

July 5, 2016

Hun I totally get where your coming from....but having to learn this lesson myself...I can tell you... all you need to do and can do is....relax

We cant control the outcome of our dating lives....trying to control it will only drive you insane...let it go and know that no matter what happens...you'll be just fine....whether your with him or without him...you're fine

Plus...its only been a few hours hun...thats nothing to worry about at all. He probably just got caught up with something

If it had been days...or a week....then I'd be worried for you...but a few hours??? Nothing to stress over hun

July 5, 2016

Didn't you say he worked long hours and had a horrible roommate situation?

He's probably getting caught up after the long date!

I would just take it easy and make some plans with friends.

July 6, 2016

Definitely give him some time and space.

Were I in his place, given a little quiet time of not hearing from you I'd be ready to reconnect. A person needs time to miss another person, this goes for friendships and opposite sex relationships as well.

Let him initiate texting for awhile, is my advice.

July 6, 2016

Thanks for the comments. As far as adding a little mystery... I do have things planned in the evening after work each day this week, so I'll be busy with that at least.

He did end up texting back. I sent him another snap (inside joke) and he sent one right back. It seems as though he's more responsive after standard work hours. I'm not worried about him/other girls so much since he said he loves to work late and avoids being home (due to roommate). I'd just like to know he's interested in securing a 2nd date.

As hard as it is for me, I'm going to dial it back and not text at all tomorrow. See if and went he texts me (hopefully to ask me out for date 2 as he said he would like to hang out again after date 1) and take it from there.

July 6, 2016

Dial it back about 1000 degrees. Go make yourself busy. You are too available and sending him snaps and texts etc etc. Wait for him to ask you out again and don't do it at your or his house - go out and do something. Add a little mystery to yourself.

Don't sit around counting hours to reply. Make him work a bit.

I agree... and next time you seem him.... skip the talk about how "safe you feel in his arms."

Too heavy! You just met him for heaven's sake.

No wonder he said "2 scary 4 me."

I also think his little jokes about there being a ghost in your room, etc. were not actually jokes.

I DO think he was considering ghosting on you!

But then changed his mind, he must really like you.

But yeah dial it back BIG TIME. Otherwise you are gonna scare this guy off.

July 6, 2016

Please dont assume he wouldnt have any interest in any other girls. You dont even know.him and met on tinder. He clearly could be texting or seeing any number of other girls. Players in fact love for you to think theh are workaholics only with eyes for you.

That being said (and he very well could not be a player at all but it just does you no good to give him credit he hasnt earned), there's nothing you can do to force an amswer as to whether he wants a 2nd date. You just have to wait. Trying to effect the date or pushing for continued comtact is going to mess things up.

Just relax and be cool. Lay back on initiating and give him the opportunity to let his intentions be shown.

July 6, 2016

Dial it back a bit is great advice. Also, keep the girls in their boulder holders, you went full boobala on the first meet? Tisk tisk...

What's the rush with sex these days? Leave some mystery and show him you're a good girl. Men Love that ****!

July 6, 2016

Too heavy, too soon, too much of everything.

Looks like you are after an insta-relationship. He may not have enough time to devote this much energy and communication to someone he just met. I know I wouldn't and it would kill any attraction I had.

July 6, 2016

What the hell is this? I'm ready to run a mile and I'm not even the one dating her.

Everyone is telling her to dial it back or to be mysterious...the problem with advice like this is it does not really work unless you actually are...it becomes just another game and you will slip up right back to your self.

How old is the OP?

Edited July 6, 2016 by OnlyHonesty

July 6, 2016

What the hell is this? I'm ready to run a mile and I'm not even the one dating her.

Everyone is telling her to dial it back or to be mysterious...the problem with advice like this is it does not really work unless you actually are...it becomes just another game and you will slip up right back to your self.

How old is the OP?

Agree. I don't think she is being in an insta relationship. Some people just come on stronger and like more communication and responsiveness from the get go. I don't think its necessarily bad but she should find a guy the same way. I don't think she is acting over the top or clingy.

July 6, 2016

Please dont assume he wouldnt have any interest in any other girls. You dont even know.him and met on tinder. He clearly could be texting or seeing any number of other girls. Players in fact love for you to think theh are workaholics only with eyes for you.

That being said (and he very well could not be a player at all but it just does you no good to give him credit he hasnt earned), there's nothing you can do to force an amswer as to whether he wants a 2nd date. You just have to wait. Trying to effect the date or pushing for continued comtact is going to mess things up.

Just relax and be cool. Lay back on initiating and give him the opportunity to let his intentions be shown.

Exactly.

OP, it's Tinder. I'd be operating under the assumption that he likely is talking to or has talked to other girls. Because....Tinder.

Let him come to you now. In the future, don't stress if he doesn't text back within a few hours. A few days, I could understand - but a few hours? Girl, chill! People get busy and it's normal, particularly when working. Also, let him initiate the next date. He knows you're interested now, so let him show you if he's interested too.

July 7, 2016

Ok, well he DID text back in response to my original post. We texted a bit and sent a few snaps, he was still at work ( could tell from the background) which lined up with him working late as he said.

Anyways, I actually went on a date with another guy last night ( not a good date, but went out). He was the one to initiate texting later that evening and we texted for about an hour. He asked me when I was free again and I said I was busy this week but free Saturday. Had a family/friend event on Sunday. I suggested a spot and asked what time would work.

He said he was "'I'm 83% sure Saturday will work, can I let you know tomorrow night?" I replied "sure". There was some lag and he finally said "don't sound too excited" I responded I was looking forward to it and challenged him to one of the games at the event.

I then ended the convo and said I was going to bed and said goodnight. We joked about one of our inside jokes and he said he wishes he were there with me and goodnight. I didn't respond (as I had already said goodnight).

So it's "tomorrow night" now aka the night he said he would tell me about being able to meet Saturday. Should I follow up with him? or just leave it/let it fizzle if he never texts again?

Part of me wants to hold him accountable, but the other half doesn't care too much and just tells me to move on, if he had the interest and time he knows how to reach me.

July 7, 2016

If he is at work for the purpose of avoiding the roommate drama, why not suggest to meet up for a slice of pizza? Have a mini date. Women would rather wait for the date...you can stand out from the crowd and make it happen. I dunno I always went after what I wanted.....so what if you fall and scuff your knees, at least you gave it a shot.

July 7, 2016

If he is at work for the purpose of avoiding the roommate drama, why not suggest to meet up for a slice of pizza? Have a mini date. Women would rather wait for the date...you can stand out from the crowd and make it happen. I dunno I always went after what I wanted.....so what if you fall and scuff your knees, at least you gave it a shot.

Yeah okay smackie.... but he did tell her HE would let her know so imo she should wait for him to let her know!

By not holding him to his word, or stepping in before he has a chance to keep his word, she is setting herself up to be strung along, played, used or whatever.

I am all for taking the initiative, but with men as elusive as him.... no.

OP, he said he would let you know, so that is precisely what you do. Wait for him to let you know.

If he blows you off.....then that is a DEALBREAKER. Next.

It's important you find out what he does here... it goes to his character.

Edited July 7, 2016 by katiegrl

July 7, 2016

Leave it, second guy has red flags all over.

July 7, 2016

No i would not "follow up" with him. Youve made it abundently clear you are into him. He told you he would let u know about Saturday. I dont like the "83% sure" business anyway. Sounds like he has another possible date and he is juggling and stringing. If you havent heard from him by tomorrow noon then just make other plans. He seems wishy washy and a tad disrespectful really. Just keep your expectations managed at this point I guess

You need to give a guy the opportunity ro demonstrate his intemtions and character. Thats the only drawback of pursuing IF what you are wanting is a real relationship vs casual. If casual is all you want than sure pursue him if you feel like it

Edited July 7, 2016 by Maggie888

July 7, 2016

No i would not "follow up" with him. Youve made it abundently clear you are into him. He told you he would let u know about Saturday. I dont like the "83% sure" business anyway. Sounds like he has another possible date and he is juggling and stringing. If you havent heard from him by tomorrow noon then just make other plans. He seems wishy washy and a tad disrespectful really. Just keep your expectations managed at this point I guess

You need to give a guy the opportunity ro demonstrate his intemtions and character. Thats the only drawback of pursuing IF what you are wanting is a real relationship vs casual. If casual is all you want than sure pursue him if you feel like it

The whole "if i haven't from him by tomorrow afternoon thing/make other plans"...sure I can ask a friend to hang out (and will) but what if I honestly don't have other plans... should I still make time for this guy? (assuming he gets back to me at a point later than he said he would)

I'm split bc I don't want to seem like a push over/available even if he gets back to me late, but I also don't want to end up sitting home alone while I could be out with him but i just said "i have other plans" to teach him a lesson in getting back in time.

July 7, 2016

The whole "if i haven't from him by tomorrow afternoon thing/make other plans"...sure I can ask a friend to hang out (and will) but what if I honestly don't have other plans... should I still make time for this guy? (assuming he gets back to me at a point later than he said he would)

I'm split bc I don't want to seem like a push over/available even if he gets back to me late, but I also don't want to end up sitting home alone while I could be out with him but i just said "i have other plans" to teach him a lesson in getting back in time.

If you don't hear from him the night he said he would get back to you, I would make other plans.

A guy who wants to see you is going to nail down plans and not leave you hanging.

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Great 7 hour first date. No response to text, is he done?

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