2 weeks of no contact with my ex gf

[khvn151]

My ex girlfriend and I met through mutual friends 7 months ago. We are both 19 and go to different colleges. She was a out of state student. But I totally fell in love with this girl, she seemed so selfless and loving towards others. Throughout those 7 months were perfect. We visited each other every weekend (despite living an hour away), communicated 24/7 via text and FaceTime, went to fun places together, and I even went to her dance concerts. She told me stories about her life and I told her about mine. But what made me fell for her was that she came from a broken family and a messed up childhood. Her parents had a nasty divorce 2 years ago and I can tell it made her really depressed and negative about life. Her parents would tell her how bad the other one was and telling her pretty messed up stuff about her mom and dad. On top of that she was emotionally neglected and bullied during her childhood. Like we would talk countless hours about each other's life. She cried a lot and I was always their comforting her. It felt really good our bond was really strong because we told each other everything. But sometimes she doubted herself with me and told me that "you can be with a prettier girl then me." But I thought she was beautiful and perfect and I told her "I love you for who you are." I rather be with a person who I can share a special bond with. So fast forward a little. She wanted to live with her dad, so when her dad got a new job in a city an hour from mine. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for her to be truly happy with her dad because her dad was the only family out here. So we talked about that for a month. We talked about the apartment, cool room ideas, and house decorations. So I offered her to help her move into her dads apartment. She was so happy and excited that I was helping her move in. I thought this would bring our relationship to the next level because she would finally have a home with her dad.

 

So here's the story i helped my ex girlfriend moved in with her dad new apartment 4 weeks ago (an hour where I live). I stayed over for 4 days to help them with getting basic house essentials and stuff. She was so happy with me helping and even talked about the fun stuff we can do in the future . Everything seemed perfect, so I left on the fourth day . We chatted normally via text for the next 2 days, but on the third day I said I was going to hang with my friends. So she said "ok" and then the rest of the day she started to ignore me. I was freaking out because I was afraid something happened to her. So I waited for a response later that day. Eventually she responded and she said she was thinking about ending things with us. I was in total shock and didn't know how to respond to her reasons. Her reasons were that I didn't care for her, we lack communication, and that she was putting in all the effort in the relationship. But what shocked and hurt me the most was that she said I was using her and she never loved me! I was in total shock of all these reasons because I thought I was doing all of those. In addition, she never mentioned any of these reasons to me before. So after that argument, she started to ignore me. I tried to contact her for like three days to try talk about it and sort things out. But she kept ignoring me. So on the third day I sent a letter about how I felt and my thoughts of what she said. So she read it right away and laughed and said its over. That really hurt because she would never act like that to any one. The following day she started to go the gym with this guy. I knew of him because her dad was talking about him during we were moving him and how close he lived to where they live. So she started sending me pictures of this guy and stuff on snapchat.In addition, she was still ignoring what I was saying to her. She even gave him the phone to talk to me. This guy was a total ***** and very rude. When I asked about her. He would say weird stuff and "new fam". He even sent a picture of himself flexing?. I didn't want stoop down to that level, so I just ask "if i can meet her person to talk about things." And then he responded saying "I don't know she's being indecisive right now." So later that day I asked again and she responded "it's over" and "I don't know if that's a good idea right now." and "your being negative" and "your trying to bring me down". I was really shock because during our whole relationship I was their for her during her emotional period. But when I'm in pain she doesn't care how I feel. So I gave her space for like for 4 days. Then I asked her how she was doing and she responded and we talked for 2 days like a normal conversation. It was a really weird conversation because I felt like she was mad at me. But at the same time she was telling about her new life. Like she told me she was going to her cousins wedding. Going to this new church. Buying furniture and funny moments with her dad. But when I talk about the break up she would either ignore it or say "it's not a good idea". That just made me more confused because all of sudden we were having a normal conversation again. So I just said "As much as I want things to go back to normal, it can't until we figure things out. I'm going to try my best and give you space. I care about you, but this is hurting me too. So until we come to a resolution, we need to stop communicating." Since I sent it on snapchat I saw that she screenshot it. That just made more confused. So it's been like 2 weeks of NC since I said that. I also blocked her on all of her social media accounts because I felt like she was being really immature and childish with the whole thing. I am trying to get her back because I truly do care about her and love her. What advice can you guys give me

[Redhead14]

My ex girlfriend and I met through mutual friends 7 months ago. We are both 19 and go to different colleges. She was a out of state student. But I totally fell in love with this girl, she seemed so selfless and loving towards others. Throughout those 7 months were perfect. We visited each other every weekend (despite living an hour away), communicated 24/7 via text and FaceTime, went to fun places together, and I even went to her dance concerts. She told me stories about her life and I told her about mine. But what made me fell for her was that she came from a broken family and a messed up childhood. Her parents had a nasty divorce 2 years ago and I can tell it made her really depressed and negative about life. Her parents would tell her how bad the other one was and telling her pretty messed up stuff about her mom and dad. On top of that she was emotionally neglected and bullied during her childhood. Like we would talk countless hours about each other's life. She cried a lot and I was always their comforting her. It felt really good our bond was really strong because we told each other everything. But sometimes she doubted herself with me and told me that "you can be with a prettier girl then me." But I thought she was beautiful and perfect and I told her "I love you for who you are." I rather be with a person who I can share a special bond with. So fast forward a little. She wanted to live with her dad, so when her dad got a new job in a city an hour from mine. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for her to be truly happy with her dad because her dad was the only family out here. So we talked about that for a month. We talked about the apartment, cool room ideas, and house decorations. So I offered her to help her move into her dads apartment. She was so happy and excited that I was helping her move in. I thought this would bring our relationship to the next level because she would finally have a home with her dad.

 

So here's the story i helped my ex girlfriend moved in with her dad new apartment 4 weeks ago (an hour where I live). I stayed over for 4 days to help them with getting basic house essentials and stuff. She was so happy with me helping and even talked about the fun stuff we can do in the future . Everything seemed perfect, so I left on the fourth day . We chatted normally via text for the next 2 days, but on the third day I said I was going to hang with my friends. So she said "ok" and then the rest of the day she started to ignore me. I was freaking out because I was afraid something happened to her. So I waited for a response later that day. Eventually she responded and she said she was thinking about ending things with us. I was in total shock and didn't know how to respond to her reasons. Her reasons were that I didn't care for her, we lack communication, and that she was putting in all the effort in the relationship. But what shocked and hurt me the most was that she said I was using her and she never loved me! I was in total shock of all these reasons because I thought I was doing all of those. In addition, she never mentioned any of these reasons to me before. So after that argument, she started to ignore me. I tried to contact her for like three days to try talk about it and sort things out. But she kept ignoring me. So on the third day I sent a letter about how I felt and my thoughts of what she said. So she read it right away and laughed and said its over. That really hurt because she would never act like that to any one. The following day she started to go the gym with this guy. I knew of him because her dad was talking about him during we were moving him and how close he lived to where they live. So she started sending me pictures of this guy and stuff on snapchat.In addition, she was still ignoring what I was saying to her. She even gave him the phone to talk to me. This guy was a total ***** and very rude. When I asked about her. He would say weird stuff and "new fam". He even sent a picture of himself flexing?. I didn't want stoop down to that level, so I just ask "if i can meet her person to talk about things." And then he responded saying "I don't know she's being indecisive right now." So later that day I asked again and she responded "it's over" and "I don't know if that's a good idea right now." and "your being negative" and "your trying to bring me down". I was really shock because during our whole relationship I was their for her during her emotional period. But when I'm in pain she doesn't care how I feel. So I gave her space for like for 4 days. Then I asked her how she was doing and she responded and we talked for 2 days like a normal conversation. It was a really weird conversation because I felt like she was mad at me. But at the same time she was telling about her new life. Like she told me she was going to her cousins wedding. Going to this new church. Buying furniture and funny moments with her dad. But when I talk about the break up she would either ignore it or say "it's not a good idea". That just made me more confused because all of sudden we were having a normal conversation again. So I just said "As much as I want things to go back to normal, it can't until we figure things out. I'm going to try my best and give you space. I care about you, but this is hurting me too. So until we come to a resolution, we need to stop communicating." Since I sent it on snapchat I saw that she screenshot it. That just made more confused. So it's been like 2 weeks of NC since I said that. I also blocked her on all of her social media accounts because I felt like she was being really immature and childish with the whole thing. I am trying to get her back because I truly do care about her and love her. What advice can you guys give me

 

Continue with No Contact. Focus on you and your life as an independent person who doesn't need this kind of drama. She's seeing someone else and in order to manage her guilt, she is shifting the "blame" to you and finding fault. It's about sabotaging. She has some significant issues that are coming to light now. Think about her behavior and how she's treated you and why you would love someone who treats you this way. If she did come back, you would be walking on eggshells all the time and anxious in the relationship. She's not a good relationship candidate for you or probably anybody for that matter.

[khvn151]

Thank you the advice Readhead14,

I am doing stuff to keep me busy with this whole thing. I even admit I do feel a lot better then a couple of weeks ago. But I still don't understand what changed her mind so quickly. I mean I helped her moved in and then a couple of days later she dumped me over text message. If she felt this way why didn't she just did it before she moved in? IN PERSON! I know she's the type of girl who is scared of confrontation and puts up walls to her friends and family when she thinks things are not working out (She even done this to her own dad).But like when we were moving in, she would talk about how great I am and how thankful for me for helping her. But now she's like posting stuff on her social media about how great her life is now and I'm happy for her. But how can she not be affected by this whole thing. Like did our relationship mean anything to her?

[Giggles666]

She sounds immature. It sounds like she used you to be honest. Forget her. You'll have better relationships in the future.

[Hoosfoos]

You are very young. There will be many, many more opportunities ahead of you.

[Bee4Shine]

It sounds like she is not sure what she wants. You may be dealing with some immaturity. You might be better off to let her go her way. This relationship may continue to be up and down with confusion at every turn. You might also want to communicate via phone or in person. You might be misreading the tone or implications via text and snapchat.

[nns91]

So I am dealing with a similar situation. I have been in NC with my ex for almost a month now. It's definitely not easy. She ended things with me quite suddenly as well, claiming I was only a safe choice, there was never any spark and she never felt anything for me.

 

Like you, I love this person a lot. We were together for 5.5 years. The problem is that she had a rebellious phase last year and broke up with me to be with another dude. They ended things after a month or so and the guy returned to his ex, which, according to her, made her feel really bad because she was super invested. In the end, we reconnected and was going strong for the past year (even though we are long-distance) until she broke up again a month ago for basically the same reasons (don't know if she is with anyone now).

 

Point being: you and I are probably dealing with some immaturity. I often assume people know what they want but apparently not. They are not sure if there are better choices out there. People always want what they don't have. however, to know when to stop is a tough thing to learn.

 

Like you, I do want her back as well. However, my advice would be give it some time, focus on you, and see if she reaches out to you. I know that's it tough not being able to control the situation but if she comes back realizing what she has lost, I believe that you guys will have a much stronger relationship. Also, if she returns, you still have the ability to say if you want to take her back or not.

[hakuna matata]

I too have come out of a relationship where my ex suddenly broke it off with me after almost 3.5 years. He told me I was the one, he wanted to marry me, etc, however truth be told, when he decided to leave me out of the blue because "he's not sure if he wants to be with me anymore as he doesn't think we have the spark anymore", all of those words and nice things he said before are all garbage yet I loved those lies...

 

Your ex sounds very wishy-washy to me and if anything, she might as well be the same as my ex. Both seem very immature as to what they already have in front of them. I have only ever been good to my ex; tried to be as supportive as I could even though we were long distance and I had no car, we would support each other through university since we're in the same faculty and classes, I would try my best to plan out new activities and do little things to make sure he knew how much he meant to me, I had a great relationship with his family, I was faithful solely to him and no one else, everything you can list you'd probably want in a partner I gave as best I could.

 

You need to ignore your ex as hard as it may be. I hope, and I know it doesn't provide much consolation but I too am doing the same thing and please know that I am rooting for you. You deserve a genuine relationship where you shouldn't have to force your ex to love you. It needs to be organic.

[khvn151]

I too have come out of a relationship where my ex suddenly broke it off with me after almost 3.5 years. He told me I was the one, he wanted to marry me, etc, however truth be told, when he decided to leave me out of the blue because "he's not sure if he wants to be with me anymore as he doesn't think we have the spark anymore", all of those words and nice things he said before are all garbage yet I loved those lies...

 

Your ex sounds very wishy-washy to me and if anything, she might as well be the same as my ex. Both seem very immature as to what they already have in front of them. I have only ever been good to my ex; tried to be as supportive as I could even though we were long distance and I had no car, we would support each other through university since we're in the same faculty and classes, I would try my best to plan out new activities and do little things to make sure he knew how much he meant to me, I had a great relationship with his family, I was faithful solely to him and no one else, everything you can list you'd probably want in a partner I gave as best I could.

 

You need to ignore your ex as hard as it may be. I hope, and I know it doesn't provide much consolation but I too am doing the same thing and please know that I am rooting for you. You deserve a genuine relationship where you shouldn't have to force your ex to love you. It needs to be organic.

 

Thank you Hakuna Matata!

 

It's been almost a month of No Contact and I have been doing very well. Except for yesterday when I had to work at the park where we had our first date. It brought back good memories though. And our mutual friend contacted me the other day saying how she is re discovering herself and finding out what she wants to do with her life. I'm actually really proud of her because she wants to get out of comfort zone and be more independent with her life. Because during our relationship I was always their for her during her darkest times and I was always motivating her to strive for her goals in life. So I'm really proud that her new lifestyle is changing her in a positive way. I already accepted the fact that maybe I will never see her again. It does hurt a lot, but I think you are absolutely right that I can't force my ex into loving me again. It needs to be natural. I will always love and care for her. But it's totally up to her. If she does come back I'm willing to take things slow to work on the problems and maybe it will turn into a stronger relationship.

 

Anyways thank you for sharing your story and I wish the best for you in the future!

[hakuna matata]

Thank you Hakuna Matata!

 

It's been almost a month of No Contact and I have been doing very well. Except for yesterday when I had to work at the park where we had our first date. It brought back good memories though. And our mutual friend contacted me the other day saying how she is re discovering herself and finding out what she wants to do with her life. I'm actually really proud of her because she wants to get out of comfort zone and be more independent with her life. Because during our relationship I was always their for her during her darkest times and I was always motivating her to strive for her goals in life. So I'm really proud that her new lifestyle is changing her in a positive way. I already accepted the fact that maybe I will never see her again. It does hurt a lot, but I think you are absolutely right that I can't force my ex into loving me again. It needs to be natural. I will always love and care for her. But it's totally up to her. If she does come back I'm willing to take things slow to work on the problems and maybe it will turn into a stronger relationship.

 

Anyways thank you for sharing your story and I wish the best for you in the future!

 

I'm glad to hear your ex is doing well but really.. what about you? Don't worry about her new lifestyle and how she is changing, that is not going to help you move on. What positive changes have you made for yourself? It may be a little early to consider if she will change her mind to work things out with you but don't think about that either. Focus on you okay? Take it one step at a time.

[khvn151]

I'm glad to hear your ex is doing well but really.. what about you? Don't worry about her new lifestyle and how she is changing, that is not going to help you move on. What positive changes have you made for yourself? It may be a little early to consider if she will change her mind to work things out with you but don't think about that either. Focus on you okay? Take it one step at a time.

 

I've been doing very well actually. Thank you for your concern! Over this past month I've been hanging out with my friends and doing new stuff I wouldn't have been doing with my ex. Right now I'm just focusing on my own career goals. I'm taking summer classes and interning at a doctor's office. In addition, I just started pre season for my college soccer team. So actually I'm really grateful I have friends that support me and stuff to do beyond the relationship I once had. It does hurt me a lot that I would not know what would happen in the future with us. But you are right I'm trying to take everything one step at a time. It will be a hard process, but I know in the end everything is going to be ok.

 

Thank you for the feedback!

How are you doing? Have you moved on?

[hakuna matata]

I've been doing very well actually. Thank you for your concern! Over this past month I've been hanging out with my friends and doing new stuff I wouldn't have been doing with my ex. Right now I'm just focusing on my own career goals. I'm taking summer classes and interning at a doctor's office. In addition, I just started pre season for my college soccer team. So actually I'm really grateful I have friends that support me and stuff to do beyond the relationship I once had. It does hurt me a lot that I would not know what would happen in the future with us. But you are right I'm trying to take everything one step at a time. It will be a hard process, but I know in the end everything is going to be ok.

 

Thank you for the feedback!

How are you doing? Have you moved on?

 

That is perfect, that is what I like to hear. I at least know that I am on the right track because I too have been doing the exact same thing. I have been hanging out with friends (past and present that I wanted to reconnect with), been taking up new activities and try new things to check off my bucket list. From the sound of it you know what you are doing and are going in the right direction so continue to keep your chin up high!

[khvn151]

That is perfect, that is what I like to hear. I at least know that I am on the right track because I too have been doing the exact same thing. I have been hanging out with friends (past and present that I wanted to reconnect with), been taking up new activities and try new things to check off my bucket list. From the sound of it you know what you are doing and are going in the right direction so continue to keep your chin up high!

 

I'm glad you are on the right track too! If I may ask how long have you been separated from your ex?

[hakuna matata]

I'm glad you are on the right track too! If I may ask how long have you been separated from your ex?

 

Its still a bit fresh to me. He broke up with me just over a month ago in June.

[khvn151]

Its still a bit fresh to me. He broke up with me just over a month ago in June.

 

 

The same as mine. Well I'm really glad your on the right track to recovery!! I'll be rooting for you! Keep me updated on how you are doing:)