DeeplyMissHer Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 We were together for 7 months, and those 7 months were amazing and besides a few minor things, nothing seemed out of place. Yesterday we had a planned date. When we went out for supper she seemed quieter than usual. We ate, went for a walk, talked and then went back to my place. Usually she wants to cuddle on the couch, watch a movie but last night she didn't. Instead she said she wanted to talk. The tone in her voice scared me, I instantly knew we were going to break up. The same conversation I had with my daughter's mother when she left me was the same. The tone in her voice. She told me that she didn't think we were right for one another. She said we had a lot of fun together, made each other laugh but something was missing. I listened to what she said, hoping, praying something could be salvaged until she brought up my daughter. She said she liked my daughter, a very nice kid but that she wasn't ready to have a kid in her life, and not ready to be a step mother. She went on to list her desire to travel. She recently had gotten a promotion at her job and was saving money each week. This October she had plans to go travelling down south, but I couldn't go with her because of work and this new custody arrangement regarding my daughter. I told her I understood. When she left I was devastated, numbed, sad and utterly heartbroken. But today I'm feeling better, sad but relieved. My daughter is a package deal. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't or isn't ready to be a step mother. She isn't going anywhere. I'm deciding to take this time to remain single for awhile. For most of the month of July, I don't get to see my daughter because this is her vacation time with her mother. I'm working some overtime to save up for a nice vacation for just her and I. I had signed up for a gym membership. Just little things to do for me. I'm also preparing myself for when my daughter's mother finds out. I'm sure she will have something to snarky to say. I do have her on social media as a friend, but more so we can see pictures the others takes on our parenting time. 1
PegNosePete Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 I'm also preparing myself for when my daughter's mother finds out. I'm sure she will have something to snarky to say. If she does, don't take the bait. Let it be like water from a duck's back. See the duck. Be the duck. She will feel stupid for having made nasty comments which you totally didn't respond to.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 If she does, don't take the bait. Let it be like water from a duck's back. See the duck. Be the duck. She will feel stupid for having made nasty comments which you totally didn't respond to. I have started to that For so long I dealt with a lot of her bull**** because I wanted to get back together with her. Ever since her relationship with the man she started dating after me fell apart, she became really cold towards me. We had a great co-parenting arrangement fell apart, until she turned on me. So I put a stop to her nonsense by filing for a change in custody. No more bull****, no more negotiations. I had realized that I'm over her, but I still haven't' reached 100% indifference for her. There are still things she does that makes me feel warm inside. They aren't anything major but one example is the way she does her hair. She has this signature hairstyle that every time I see her with it it makes me smile. She was a gorgeous woman and still is. On a less deeper level, I still care about her as my daughter's mother. But I have learned to put up boundaries so we can remain civil and hopefully friendly for our daughter's sake. It's been five years since we broke up, and we even tried to reconcile and failed. I'm at a point where I accept we can't be together and I don't have any desire to want to be with her again.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 (edited) And it didn't take long. She messaged me asking if we broke up. I messaged her that we did. I tried to sway the conversation away from it. I asked how our daughter was doing. She said that was doing well. She asked if I wanted to see our daughter for a few hours this afternoon to help brighten mood. I told her I'd appreciate it and would do the same during my vacation time. I wanted to keep the conversation neutral and business like. This was twenty minutes ago and I'm still waiting for a response. Edited July 5, 2016 by DeeplyMissHer
azaleigha Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 Sorry you went through that, friend. It's never easy when that happens, but at least she was more or less up front and honest with you, and it sounds like the two of you have some incompatibilities that wouldn't have worked long-term anyway. It can be hard to move on after something like this, but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Keep focusing on your daughter - and maybe the right person who can love you both will come along soon. Blessings, friend.
PegNosePete Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 And it didn't take long. She messaged me asking if we broke up. I messaged her that we did. Dude I told you, BE THE DUCK!! It's none of her business. Don't even acknowledge or answer any questions she asks about that.
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted July 8, 2016 Author Posted July 8, 2016 (edited) My daughter's mother asked if I wanted to hang out as a "family" (not in those exact words) last night. As much as I wanted to say yes (not because I wanted to see her, but because I wanted to see my daughter) I refused. Today she is acting all cold towards me again. Oh well, atleast I know what her true intentions are. I don't know if she is tryign to push my buttons or what. I just hope she doesn't start up trying to manipulate our daughter for whatever it is she wants. Edited July 8, 2016 by DeeplyMissHer
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