10 months together - no "I love you" yet and other things. Am I overreacting?

[Sunshine89]

Let me start off by saying I'm with the sweetest, goofiest and kindest guy. I'm really crazy about him, and definitely feel very strong feelings for him. We spend every weekend together, hang out with each others friends, and generally have what I think is an overall healthy relationship.

 

That being said, there are a few things that are starting to concern me as we get more serious:

 

First, he's not very emotive or talkative, and I rarely hear from him throughout the day. I'm the one who initiates the majority of our conversations, phone calls and text exchanges. It really tires me out, and I've asked him a couple of times to please work on at least sending me a good morning or a good night text (he'll try for a couple days and go right back to silence). So far, no luck on this one.

 

Second, we're ten months into our relationship and I've yet to hear those three special words from him. We obviously care about each other a lot, and anyone who sees us together comments on how much we adore each other, but I'm not hearing that from him. I was abused horribly in my last relationship, and am terrified to be the one to say it first. I feel it, and have caught myself about to say it a million times, but it's like it gets stuck in my throat. There have been moments when I've almost told him, and there was a point where I asked him "If I told you I more than just adored you, would that scare you?" And he answered no. But I've yet to hear it from him. I keep hoping and praying he'll say it so I can be released from this prison of waiting and insecurity. I've never been like this before, but my last relationship did a number on me, and something is holding me back from telling him like I'd like to. I really thought I'd hear it by now, and now not only am I just generally scarred from my past - I'm worried he doesn't feel that way too (since its been so long).

 

 

Lastly, (this happened today) we were talking with friends at a party and I mentioned how our anniversary is coming up in a couple months. He didn't really react and he actually got up to go do something inside. I would have thought he'd be...more excited? I'm his first serious girlfriend and he's never had a relationship this long before.

 

I know these things are probably so trivial, but they make me feel....unwanted? And very insecure in the relationship. I've tried talking to him about if he's happy in the relationship, tried discussing how I need more communication, but it's like I'm hitting a dead end.

 

I'm really worried our relationship is fading or that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as I do about him (or both).

 

What do you guys think? Has anyone experienced this before? If so, what happened/how did you handle it? Any advice you can give would be immensely appreciated.

[lilmissjava]

I haven't had experience with this, but, it seems like the guy is a lazy lover.

 

You don't mention sex and how the dynamic between you two works before and after that, if it's happened at all.

 

I wouldn't stick around for an emotionally unavailable guy and definitely wouldn't settle for this, it's emotionally exhausting and why waste more time if 10 months have passed and you're still questioning the relationship?

[hippychick3]

At this point, I would step back and stop initiating any more texts or calls to him. You are doing all the work in this relationship and the less work he has to do to have you, the less he values you.

 

You will see how much he really values you and the relationship when you stop doing all the work. Then you can decide how much you value yourself.

[Lorenza]

You are like me, giving too much and taking too much initiative. Guys tend to get lazy with women like us. A biiiig step back is needed.

[Gaeta]

How old are you and him?

How many times a week do you see each other?

Do you stay over nights, do you spend weekends together?

 

 

When you mentioned your first anniversary was coming up why did you assume he didn't feel excited about it, for all you know he left and text someone or he made a note to himself to not forget to do something special for you.

 

Have you thought that maybe a bad past relationship also keeps him from saying ILY first?

 

At some point someone has got to take a risk. Do you want to live and love or you want to stand on the sidewalk looking at your life go by.