I'm depressed over my ex, family and my life

[CheskaOX]

Hi everyone,

 

 

I rarely express my feelings or thoughts online cause of criticisms..but I decided to give it a try since my real life I am embarrassed to talk about my issues with family and some friends. I was in a relationship last summer and it ended in March of this year, where my ex boyfriend purposed to me after a few months dating me and the thing is I was happy due to the fact that I've never had a real boyfriend in my life not even when I was a teenager and my current ex is an older man whose like 41 and I'm 25 yrs old. I live at home, where my mom had invited him over a few times and till the point she allowed him to sleepover then months after she felt convicted due to her faith which isn't fair just in my opinion because of certain reasons behind it and the thing is she never let him sleepover again where he was like that's fine but I was allows to sleepover his place and until one day my mom blows up my phone, says horrible things through voicemail and text from both of his and my phone. She threatened to go to his job and tell him off, his sister had picked me up and calm me down since I was in a emotional roller coaster of the two. Long story short, my mom kicks me out and find out the house keys have been changed. I end up homeless since my ex was living in a roommate house since he can't afford a place of his own due to being in banktruptcy and has a few months to move out but before my mom felt conviction she was telling me that he could move in with us and her husband, as long he pays for rent too but that suddenly changed since she changed her mind.

 

 

Back to the part where I was homeless, I couldn't stay at his place due to his roommates and his roommate husband daughter where they didn't wanna show a girl like me staying at a boyfriend over from what I heard but who knew. I ended up in a hotel room for a week where my ex pastors put me in for a week where I developed depression and ended up sending text messages to my ex that I wanna not live anymore, where he was at work at the time and he called the cops to check up on me where I wasn't bruised or anything to the point one of the cops asked me if I would like to talk to anyone at the station so I said sure let me grab my phone and purse. I get myself together, where I notice I'm being taken to a mental house for 48 hours. I start to cry, called everyone including my mom and she was mad... She had explained to remain calm and that I would be going home soon. After, I got home... She changed the locks on the door and said I could see my ex but gotta be home at a certain time and I can't sleepover anymore.

 

So after a few months, of us dating still and all my ex leaves me in March of this year and saying I deserve better, in April he calls me drunk that he's hurt and wants me back but I said no because you left me. Then in May he gets mad for me contacting him since I started to miss him back and he curses me, my mom out on the phone and is now recently mad at me for contacting his sister about a bank account of his that he put me in and tells me stop contacting us, where don't you understand?

 

 

I been depressed, I wanna seek therapy but I'm scared.:(

[Satu]

snip

I been depressed, I wanna seek therapy but I'm scared.:(

 

I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

You need to dig yourself out from under all these people, and find your own truth about yourself, and the things you've been through.

 

Therapy is absolutely the best thing to do.

 

Pick up the phone and make an appointment.

 

 

Take care.

Edited July 4, 2016 by Satu

[CheskaOX]

I just don't understand his attitude with me especially I haven't done squat to him. Even last night, I heard he was with someone at a bar with some girl while with me and I was in a bank account with him months ago where I was worried where he gotten attitude with me again. He told me, "That card was cancelled. No I am not seeing anyone. And I'm tired of you contacting me with stupid crap like this......DONE. NOW STOP!" I am researching for therapy as We speak. Thanks for the help!

[bummer]

You need to commit to and try NC. You shouldn't know if he's still alive or dead.

 

Find yourself and your boundaries. As a start, don't date until you feel you can handle the depression better. Date in a more suitable age range. Date someone who is emotionally and financially stable. Respect your mother's wishes, but work on transitioning away from home to find your independence.

[CheskaOX]

Sorry for the delay, I had adopted a puppy a month ago and rarely have any time to even sit down unless I had to use the restroom. But, I'm trying not to contact him or anything about him. It's hard especially that I don't wanna come off like some weak immature. I'm trying to save money, do me and help around at home or anywhere in general. I don't understand why my ex is such a dick with me even after a month of us breaking up since March and I'm like what's your problem? I found out he used a photo that I took of him from my photography and used it as his default for his Facebook with my name on it which makes me wonder why? I appreciate the help btw.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

You obviously have some problems with your relationship with your mother. I suggest you check that first and really go to a therapist.

 

Your boyfriend may be scared of how situations change in your family as once he was addressed warmly and invited to your home next thing he knows he is no longer welcome and has other stuff to worry about in his life as well.

 

By no means he had the right to call you names girl! My girlfriend whom I thought was the love of my life apparently not now called me names! It is unforgivable to call a loved one like that.

 

Don't dwell on what has been or may have been.. don't dwell on what profile pics he has block him or never open his profile at all. NC now! Delete/erase/throw away everything from him. That's my advise and it works for me!

[CheskaOX]

My relationship with my mom is on and off, it all depends on her mood.

 

My ex hasn't insulted me other than saying eff you, and to my mom on the phone with him in May where I told him off back since I was tired of being abused mentally from everything going on. I really don't understand why he gotta have an attitude with me when I was always there for him, did all my might for him when I lend money for his rent and just everything a girlfriend should do. I feel like he was seeing someone while with me since there is a girl on his page and I never seen her there before until now and I shouldn't spied on him but it made me raised an eyebrow about his behavior and everything else. His sister won't talk to me yet when my mom was in the hospital, he called me and his sis text me which was last month and I'm like she still has my number why? It's just odd, I'm trying to move on..I'm really trying.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

Look for me to say eff you is nigh unforgivable! Unless you were dating for over 10 years and he snapped but immediately apologized I would consider just an act of aggression but to say it to you just like that I can't accept it.

 

Just accept NC and move on! I urge you to do this because all my relationships I found one flaw - I didn't like myself more than I liked my partner which made me weak and unlovable in their eyes.

Know that you are more important and know your worth. Stop that relationship now and be healthy by yourself.

 

This is my advise but you can choose whatever makes you happy.

[CheskaOX]

He did apologize like within a week after he said in May but gotten more pissed at me where I vented about how I felt about everything going on and it's like wth. I stopped contacting him since Fourth of July and I really don't get what I did to him when I didn't do crap. His Atttiude was never like this and that's why I'm sad along with my mom constantly bringing him up on a occasion.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

I would tell your mother to stop bringing that up. She just constantly pokes in an open wound.

 

Listen sometimes people are different then what we imagine them to be or how we want them to love us. How you love and how he loves are totally separate things. So there is already a lot of tension between you guys that is not easily forgettable.

 

I didn't do crap either to my ex but I had a short temper. Whenever she pushed me beyond my breaking point I started yelling. To yell is not nice and I know she had it up to here with my temper but it also matters what the other person did that made you sad.

 

Stop thinking what you did wrong... think of what the other person did. Know that it is not your mistake only. Relationships comprise of 2 people so it's not just your fault it's his as well. Like I said don't break NC. Continue moving forward. Exercise do something productive don't just think about the past.

[CheskaOX]

I really didn't do anything other then vent to him about what was on my mind, my moms bs and everything else that I'm dealing with where he's like your venting, your mom and my bankruptcies also finding a home of my own was taking a toll on me. I'm quite depressed because I'm trying my hardest to be happy, and help my mom out since my step father doesn't do much around in the house and I'm like trying to bond with my mom before the breakup and even after. I don't know why my ex has to have an attitude with me, the last time we saw each other was the end of February and we were at a bar drunk, talking and just at the end of the night... I said something where I wish never was going back home after spending my day with him and he's like its your mom, she ruined everything and it sucks cause till this day he gets an attitude of me even trying to talk or be civil. I'm crying because I didn't wanna be hurt, I miss him and I just never wished I was even here at times at home crying.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

You must persevere and continue with NC! Understand that no matter what you do if you keep contact you will only hurt yourself more. You said you are crying and missing him these are all feelings that the rest of us felt when we were in your situation. I myself was and still am 3 months ago. This is life accept it. Don't let him blame your mother because the guy did some things to you that he wasn't supposed to. If he was so angry he had other ways to show it not call you names.

 

Do yourself a favor and don't break NC! If you see him just say hi or wave then walk right pass him. Also its good you cry as you need to vent the bad feelings somehow but remember that you can't stay home all day crying. Do something else with yourself even by force! Sooner or later you will do it because you want to!

[CheskaOX]

The thing is that I'm dealing with a lot where I feel alone, no friends especially I live in another state that I have no one but family members and it's depressing where they don't even contact me or look for me. My ex was like my only friend and boyfriend together where I live at and most of the community that I'm in is mostly older people like in their 50s. I don't understand why he left me, those excuses makes no sense and I cry because I thought he loved me. I haven't contacted him since last week on a Wednesday night, but that was it. I keep myself busy by dog training my dog, and wake up every day to do it again since I'm off from school. I wish I could talk to my mom about everything where she's just a hard ass to even try, my step father never had children so that's another reason why I'm kept to myself and my best friend lives in Nyc where she's constantly busy and I don't bother her.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

To feel alone doesn't justify you going there to him and taking all that rubish.

 

Like I said NC and try to find other positive things in your life be that friends, exercise or just strolling in the sun.

[CheskaOX]

I slipped and I texted him, his sister during the evening and I excerise everyday with my dog early in the morning and sometimes at night. I am used to him and I being over, I just didn't like how it ended where to me it doesn't make sense to me.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

No breakup is ever easy unless there aren't any feelings involved. Even though you shouldn't have contacted him what's done is done. Now stop replying, stop texting, stop connecting. NC and be done with it. Good luck!

[CheskaOX]

My mom just said she wants me to workout with my ex, as in fix my relationship.. what should I Do? I had messaged him and he's like wtf, stop contacting me and I haven't said anything.

[Heart..PLS STAHP]

He said it plain and simple. Don't contact him regardless of what your mother says. Move on...

[brittly42]

So sorry to hear you're hurting! This is a very tough situation, for sure, and it's normal to feel hurt and confused. Please know you're not alone!

 

Seeking professional help can be a scary jump, but there are so, so many counselors who would love to help you. Therapy could give you new advice to embrace your situation. One possibility to begin is with Focus on the Family. If you would like to call 855-382-5433, Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor.

 

Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers!!! You've got way more value than you realize, and I hope you always remember that. Please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255, if you ever feel like the situation is too much to handle!

[CheskaOX]

I almost ended up tempting myself by contacting him instead I tried to block my mind off of things and excerise with my dog before it rain and thunder. Honestly, I just think this whole thing is messed up because he told me at first that I deserved better then gets drunk after a month of breaking up then gets an attitude with me till this day. I'm no suicidal, I'm just depressed. His sis tells me that he left me cause of my mom but he says it was my mom, my venting and his issues. I don't get it though, am I wrong to vent? Is venting wrong in a relationship?:(