BelleSkye Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Back at square 1....after 15 years.... 15 years ago - got my heart broken by my first love. Year: 2002 / 2003 (I was 20/ 21 years old at the time). The pain faded from the initial heartache but the thought of him not being in my life and the emptiness was overwhelming. Ironically - I was not suicidal or lost hope because life was new for me. I graduated, traveled and worked in big beautiful cities. Life was an adventure with a teeny bit of hope he would come back. It took me 6 years to get over him!!! And I only go over him when I met someone else 'worthy'to knock him off that pedestal. Year 2009: Met a guy that instantly made me forget about my past and finally look forward to the future. This guy broke my heart over and over again from 2009 and finally....2015 - it was over. Last weekend, I whats apped / facebook stalked my first ex....and it hurt - the feelings are not there...but he has moved on - with another girl (apparently for a while as well - 6 years or so) and I'm back at square one...home with parents, alone and starting from scratch. Getting a boyfriend is easy....but finding someone that I am attracted to is so damn hard. It is very difficult for me to fall in love and I hate not being in love. The pain of my recent ex has also faded- but the thought...just that damn thought that I can't knock him off that pedestal makes me want to end it all. So rough...yet so smooth...a real man's man and so sophisticated...tall dark and handsome (to me).... Got a job, trying to make new friends (thank you meetup!), at home with family (has it moments)....but the fact that I am not being affectionate in a romantic way....not being admired or adored....not building a constructive life with someone makes me feel hopeless now. I know how the story goes or should have went but it didn't work out for me...
Bella2 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 Hi, I'm sorry you feel this way and I understand. Things WILL get better, but you have to give it time and also you could work on yourself. I found this article very helpful: https://www.howtoforgivepeople.com/how-to-overcome-emotional-dependency It's my new bible, I think Take care xxx
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