I feel disconnected from everyone lately--has anyone felt this way?

[Zapbasket]

Lately I just feel so disconnected from everyone in my social circle. I've been making some changes to how I approach some things in my life, and have been really examining myself, what I want going forward, and who I want in my life...and lately I just haven't felt like hanging out with anyone. I feel like I'd generally prefer to be alone for now, working toward my goals, and I feel like I just don't have time for anyone with whom I don't feel strongly simpatico, which lately, is most people save for one or two.

 

Have any of you gone through phases like this? Did some alone time help you reset your compass and attract more compatible people?

 

Sometimes I worry that I'm becoming unhealthily antisocial, in that I just generally don't feel connected meaningfully to anyone save, again, for one or two people. The rest of the people I know I feel I could take them or leave them, pretty much. I don't feel inspired to pour effort into liaisons that have dubious chances of any meaningful returns. I feel weary of seeming always to try to "make X liaison work," when all along I knew we just weren't particularly simpatico. I feel like people like me and feel connected to me, but I just don't feel much connection back. I'm feeling much more content in my own company lately.

 

Am I becoming more detached or is this just a phase I'm going through or have I just largely been around the "wrong" people?

Edited July 4, 2016 by GreenCove

[losangelena]

I think what you're going through is quite normal. Friendships do ebb and flow throughout life, and when one or a set of ones recede, it's typical for there to be something of a social gap until a new set emerges.

 

The fact that you're worried about becoming potentially antisocial is a good sign that you're not. Give yourself a chance at some alone time. I bet that after a while, your inclination to reach out to others will return. This is a very normal phase.

[smudge21]

I was always told that you're a lucky person if you can count the number of real friends you have on one hand. Most of us go through life only really having one or two people we can truly count on. The rest are like extras in our own movie. Fun to be around occasionally, but not people we'd go out our way for or truly miss if they weren't around. It's like this whole social media stuff where people think they truly have over a thousand friends. Nothing wrong with how you're feeling - you're just taking a step back and seeing reality for what it is; the people who matter and those that don't. As Losangelena said, friends do come and go too. Life just moves on and people change. Maybe you're just wanting some "me" time in your life right now and that's fine too. Try not to worry about it and live your life how you want to live it.

[jen1447]

I do think down time can be valuable. Sometimes you can only really reset by looking inward.

 

The only real risk to that is that isolation tends to breed more isolation, so you'd have to guard against becoming the perma-loner and force yourself back out there at some point. But I think your instincts will point you in the right direction anyway. You don't sound like the fleeing-the-world type, you just sound like the give-me-a-little-break type.

[mikeylo]

You subconsciously need me time. It can bring peace to your inner self from whatever is hurting you inside.By blocking out people, you are closer to yourself and that can be a good thing to heal.

 

Just be watchful of too much isolation.That can lead to problems.

[lana-banana]

I agree with everyone else; it's very normal to feel disconnected on occasion, especially if you're in the process of re-evaluating your life and relationships. it's hard to feel social when you're busy exploring yourself. It's only a concern if you start to feel superior to other people or if it goes on for many months. Right now take comfort in knowing this is no big deal and remind yourself you're busy doing what's best for you.

[Zapbasket]

I really appreciate all the perspectives. Yeah, I'm really experiencing a shift in my being over the last several months, and I'm finding I just need a lot of quiet time to implement the changes. Kind of like how a worm has to hang out in its little chrysalis to allow wings to form.

 

I'm trying to balance some social time because I agree that too much solitude can make even the most socially stable person a little wonky if it goes on too long--for instance, tomorrow evening I'm going to a wine pairings dinner with a friend and a coworker that I know will be fun. But I find myself mostly exhausted by interactions lately. I guess that's the indicator that I need some recharging in solitude.

 

I've also begun to consider taking up meditation. I find that when I really get quiet within myself, amazing perspectives and awareness arise, as though I enter a completely different realm.

 

When you've gone through phases like this, what do you tell loose acquaintances about why you're not free much lately to socialize? I don't want to blow people off. Good friends I feel I can be honest with, i.e., "I'm really doing some thinking and working on a book and I'm just taking more alone time for myself, so please don't take it as I don't want to spend time with you." But acquaintances, I'm not sure what to say. In the past I've told little white lies to get out of stuff, like, "I'm not in town this coming weekend," etc. But I'm trying to be much more honest inside myself, as well as towards others, for example: "I probably won't be available most Fridays this summer because I'm trying to use that day to get a lot of writing done."

[NTV]

I think that sounds good. Nothing beats "Hey I'm writing a book!" "Really?! About what?" "[insert most boring crap you can think of] ." "oh... uh.. let me know when you're done, I'd love to read it!" "sure thing!"

 

 

Now you have complete immunity with the 'sorry I'm writing" thing.

[losangelena]

When you've gone through phases like this, what do you tell loose acquaintances about why you're not free much lately to socialize? I don't want to blow people off. Good friends I feel I can be honest with, i.e., "I'm really doing some thinking and working on a book and I'm just taking more alone time for myself, so please don't take it as I don't want to spend time with you." But acquaintances, I'm not sure what to say. In the past I've told little white lies to get out of stuff, like, "I'm not in town this coming weekend," etc. But I'm trying to be much more honest inside myself, as well as towards others, for example: "I probably won't be available most Fridays this summer because I'm trying to use that day to get a lot of writing done."

 

I think it's fine to tell people you're hermiting. Or not, if that's your prerogative, too. If an invitation comes up and you don't want to go, do you feel free to just say, "sorry, can't make it?" There doesn't always have to be a reason why? If they're acquaintances and not friends, then I wouldn't be overly concerned about what they thought of your reason.

[jen1447]

I've never really gone thru a long phase of this but when I want to be left alone for a while I just say I'm laying low or keeping a low profile. Seems vague enough for acquaintances but also specific enough to not leave them wanting more.